Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce... - FML

By Broke - 27/3/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

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Nice neighborhood

Compassion

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 08:07 - Canada

Today, I went to Britney's concert. About halfway through the show, the person next to me turns to me and asks, "Can you do me a favour?" Thinking that she wanted me to look after her stuff, I said sure. Her next sentence was: "Can you stop singing?" FML

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By Imslow - 5/4/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

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By russty - 17/1/2010 17:45 - United States

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

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By Divorce? - 29/7/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML

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By aricababyy - 29/12/2016 05:09 - United States - Winchester

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

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By theboywithlonghair - 9/9/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2017 20:00

Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML

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By Nik - 23/1/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

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By Screamingfirecracker - 15/8/2016 04:12 - Canada

Today I finally worked up the nerve to quit my job after being tortured by my boss for months. My boss responded by throwing a hard-covered textbook at me and hitting me in the face. FML

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By Shrekkk - 2/7/2019 06:14

Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2012 20:08 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

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By QueenCortana Tiffany Turner - 4/7/2019 02:00

Today, my toddler shat on her carpet again. She also decided to play in it. This is the third time in a month. She's fully potty trained, and thinks it’s funny. FML

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By caphis - 3/5/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

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By well damn - 29/2/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

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By sadsadlady - 14/12/2009 20:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2013 14:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2019 14:00

Are you taking the piss?

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

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By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/6/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2009 18:03 - Spain

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

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By samboob - 1/9/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

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By Radioo - 18/1/2010 09:00 - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2016 04:50

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

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By helpless_soul - 29/8/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

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By Amberizzle - 26/9/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

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By TipsyTj - 29/3/2016 13:05 - Canada - Kentville

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

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By Bill - 6/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

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By Ecolo-girl - 11/3/2016 06:22 - France - Quint

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

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By hooligyn123 - 4/9/2012 08:53 - United States

Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML

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By MeowApp - 1/2/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 10:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

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By RckRagman - 30/4/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

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By damnit - 16/10/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

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By notsoskinny - 18/4/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

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By zoearcu - 17/4/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

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By fakelaugher - 20/12/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

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By Ants everywhere but my pants - 19/5/2016 02:35 - United States - Sun City Center

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2019 06:00

Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML

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Top comments

By killface_fml | 0

#62123 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:49

Apparently you pay your internet bill.

And really, in an hour you couldn't find someone with a cell phone or use a payphone? YDI.

By killface_fml | 0

#62139 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:56

#3: He shouldn't listen to me...but instead do exactly what I said he should have done? Interesting.

Comments

By killface_fml | 0

#62123 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:49

Apparently you pay your internet bill.

And really, in an hour you couldn't find someone with a cell phone or use a payphone? YDI.

Reply

ethenkray | 19

#6501062 - Monday 4 January 2016 6:56

I agree with borrowing a phone, but I had internet almost 2 months after the bill was due, so he may not have paid. Internet usually takes longer to shut down than phone lines.

By Bad_Day_fml | 0

#62125 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:51

Are you from TUCSON???

Reply

claireful | 4

#2522495 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:02

a LOT of radio stations do that contest, don't have a coniption fit.

Reply

hannahtaskey | 9

#2768630 - Monday 27 June 2011 7:49

Obviously not if it says Connecticut at the
top?

By Bad_Day_fml | 0

#62130 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:54

KRQQ does that, just sayin.

And man, that really does suck, don't listen to #1.

Lol, ask to borrow a phone, or run to a pay phone!!!

By Jimboom | 11

#62134 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

dabomblyktiktikk | 0

#1091989 - Thursday 15 July 2010 2:20

he had already won, they just needed him to call in so he could give them his info.

Reply

ethenkray | 19

#6501059 - Monday 4 January 2016 6:52

You obviously didn't read the part that said that the radio called his name.

By BlackxSwan | 0

#62135 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:54

I'm sorry, that really sucks :(
But yeah, srsly, why didn't you borrow a phone?

By killface_fml | 0

#62139 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:56

#3: He shouldn't listen to me...but instead do exactly what I said he should have done? Interesting.

By puffingdragons | 0

#62144 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:58

This is why we should all have Skype installed on our computers. But seriously, get a Job. Its sad that you have to rely on a rare opportunity to get your bills paid. LoL.

Reply

jen1097 | 25

#6563272 - Sunday 20 March 2016 18:50

I dont think you can Skype a radio station..

By Lolrus | 0

#62148 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:59

And now you've learned a lesson.

By nyah_nyah | 0

#62151 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:00

kiis fm L.A!

By ACBOMBSHELL | 0

#62156 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:05

I suspect some don't understand that certain bills are due at different times of the month-so it's totally possible that he may still have internet, but no phone. All the same-payphone, a neighbor? It seems like there had to be some way for you to get to a phone. Unfortunate, either way.