Love: Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 37

13/09/2010 22:24

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 120

You deserved it 4 365

You tried

Our house, in the middle of our street

Dominion

04/01/2011 10:56

Spicy

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 981

You deserved it 5 893

23/08/2011 02:03

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 840

You deserved it 6 526

08/04/2013 00:00

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 2 452

04/04/2015 14:35

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 569

You deserved it 3 770

05/06/2014 15:16

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 761

You deserved it 3 628

Password issues

By Anonymous - 27/03/2009 16:46

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 932

You deserved it 77 041

Love don't pay the rent

By Anonymous - 04/08/2020 23:04

Today, I begged my dad for money, for the first time ever, because even with two jobs I still can’t make rent. When asked why he sent way too little, he replied, "You always said you’d prefer to get love from me rather than money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 335

14/05/2009 17:13

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 036

You deserved it 70 023

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 388

Awkward

By Lio - 12/11/2008 05:25

Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 052

You deserved it 41 755

19/10/2010 15:24

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 677

You deserved it 34 897

08/04/2014 02:13

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 008

You deserved it 3 539

15/12/2009 07:10

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 517

You deserved it 3 098

02/08/2018 01:30

Today, I prepared for my first date in two years. I shaved my legs, did my hair and nails, painted my face, found the perfect outfit, then waited for hours for a man who never came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 170

You deserved it 306

09/12/2018 03:30

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 565

You deserved it 225

15/10/2012 07:54

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 048

You deserved it 2 534

08/07/2009 07:24

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 633

You deserved it 10 437

22/05/2009 19:27

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 675

You deserved it 12 156

13/04/2014 22:16

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 200

You deserved it 5 191

16/05/2012 04:43

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 339

You deserved it 2 691

This is America

By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 209

18/07/2011 16:22

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 794

You deserved it 4 256

08/10/2013 07:09

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 338

You deserved it 3 485

17/06/2016 22:37

Today, I found a new way to tell if my girlfriend is on her period. If she responds to "Want me to get you anything while I'm at the store?" by screaming "God just fuck off, you cunt!" then bursting into tears, the answer is a definite yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 948

You deserved it 1 382

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 06:47

Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 015

You deserved it 5 257

09/09/2010 14:00

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 474

You deserved it 4 462

25/01/2013 05:39

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 821

You deserved it 6 320

13/04/2012 22:40

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 842

You deserved it 2 885

Finishing touch

By pavloviankitty - 28/05/2021 02:01

Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 95

31/10/2013 23:18

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 307

You deserved it 12 529

01/11/2011 16:18

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 255

You deserved it 5 957

Moving on

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 23:02

Today, I saw yet another dear friend from uni get married, living the good life in their new home. Here am I in my 30s, with no love life, and feeling like that's never going to be for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 228

13/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was talking to a customer needing IT help. I make small talk about how my birthday is on the same day the Boy Scouts were formed, and I tell the customer I am sure something interesting happened on his birthday. He gets quiet, then gives his birthday. September11th. Cue the long silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 201

You deserved it 727

14/02/2012 14:29

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 147

You deserved it 3 034

31/05/2012 11:29

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 092

You deserved it 2 549

Plumbed out

By MariosNightmare - 18/12/2020 07:57

Today, what should've been a five-minute job replacing a drain turned into a 2 hour ordeal just to remove the old one. The original part was put in incorrectly, so whoever did it used a full tube of silicone to make it watertight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 48

29/06/2019 05:15

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 168

Negotiations

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 17:01

Today, I had to tell my 28-year-old roommate she needs to wash her hands after using the bathroom. She then said she’d try, as long as I try to put my dishes in the dishwasher. Those aren’t even on the same level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 832

30/10/2015 23:29

Spicy

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 357

You deserved it 4 822

03/06/2013 04:31

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 312

You deserved it 7 293

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:37

maybe you don't do anything nice for him

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:19

I get the feeling your friend isn't actually confused, but is trying to *nicely* point out that your boyfriend IS nice, and you're just ungrateful. This isn't really an FML except for the part where the OP is confused and spoiled.

Comments

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:36

1st

heynow00wellthen 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:37

lame.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:38

Congratulations. Here's your sign . . .

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:55

haha

bravesfan112233 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:58

so what? just cause he's nice to ur friend doesn't mean really anything

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:21

24- What?

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:56

wow ii hate girls like that . o that was ur man? I thot I recognized her. ...

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:58

him*

Amber_the_Great 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:02

i think shes doin your man

ThereIsNoFork 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:21

New Jersey FML. Thanks to Jersey Whore, I am now stereotyping.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:28

exactly 92, friends with benifits ?

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 4:38

"he's always doing nice things for me" like sucking your dick! (what you shouldve said) you said you would never speak of that! ? wait I was joking... you were? oh...well...so was I..? O_O

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 4:57

haha 84. bedrock refrence

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:16

test

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:08

so? he does nice things for your friend not something to whine about. it's not like he talked about pushing you down stairs if you got pregnant...

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:50

btw, whats a pedo bear

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 8:50

i think she means hes cheating ...

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:26

no bueno...at least your friend is happy

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 1:28

yeah! they could just be friends. that doesn't mean he's cheating. jeeeze

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:37

maybe you don't do anything nice for him

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:40

#3 Yup. It's figuratively a two-way street, OP. You've got to give to get things in return. I could be totally off-base, though! For all I know you could do nice things for him all the time I wouldn't know. If you don't like the fact that your boyfriend doesn't do nice things for you, then why are you with him?

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:47

I agree with most of what you're saying, nerds. But I think the FML lies with the fact that her boyfriend is doing nice things for her friend. That's a bit un-settling. Don't you think?

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:55

20's right.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:02

Good point, FFML_314! I hadn't thought of that...

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:31

Or OP's definition of "nice" is different than her friend's and boyfriend's. Maybe he does, and she just doesn't recognize his acts for what they are. This is when the whole Love Languages thing comes in handy...

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:47

My love language is MURDER.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:54

My /love/ language is PAIN!

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:00

haha jefree star..

Senseless_487 29

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:43

My love language is Russian. And I don't speak Russian, so I never understand it…

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:37

Ouch that sucks. And I can't think of a pun to go with this. FYL

joseph42424233 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 6:51

The top of your picture looks like an otter head if you look at it right.

heynow00wellthen 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:37

That's not cool OP. dump him.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:41

what does OP mean ? Im new please explainn

fmlsxmakexmyxday 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:58

original poster

SunshineBoy21 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:00

We were all new once but since you are a newbie, I'll let you choose; 1. Orange Pumpkin 2. Organ Pusher 3. Original Poster 4. Orangutan Pus$y 5. Ordinary Person 6. October Primary 7. Optimistic Prisoner 8. Outhouse Player 9. Oklahoma Pasture 10. Old Pepsi

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:38

11) Octagonal Penis 12) Origami Pastrami 13) Ornamental Pendulum 14) Odorous Pits

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:53

15. optimus prim

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 4:57

113: That's the lesser-known Transformer. He had the power of buzzkilling-- he could transform any party into a snoozefest. >.<

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:04

optimis prime is aight..

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:13

ur nickname qoes real well with your picture ;)

heynow00wellthen 0

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 4:46

16) Obstinate Peanuts =)

katialovesfml 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:39

that's a deal breaker ladies

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Thursday 1 December 2011 22:50

30 rock?

QwertyMcNugget 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:39

I'd be straight effin' pissed!

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:39

How nice of him.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:01

I just got off to your picture

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:13

91 Lmao!! thats..disturbing, no offense to the nice girl

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 11:38

91-creepy, no?

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 21:45

You miss mcnugget look like lady gaga

rawrcookiemonste 5

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:39

... what a good friend

ClaireBear9087 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 2:06

beatles are amazing!

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 3:43

agree

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:18

agreed x10000

PattisonDaStud 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:39

that suks

I_have_no_clue 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:39

I'm sure she was "confused". BUSTED

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:42

wow...witch.