Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped, grabbed the ball for the kid and went to hand it to him. He then yelled, "Stranger danger!" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30 minutes. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML
Today, at the mall, I ran into a lost, crying little girl. It was my best friend's daughter. She recognized and clung on to me. As I called her dad, some nosy lady snatched her from me and caused a scene, screaming, "KIDNAPPER!" As I got apprehended, her claim was she heard me say, "If you still want to see her…" FML
Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
She screamed, you screamed, they all screamed for icescream.
MattM95 16
Kids will do anything for ice cream.
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Comments (139)
Dcm210 19
And that's what happens when you spoil your kids.
TheTeacher34 5
Be careful.Apple may patent that word as iScream
hxnnxh 14
1-0 to your daughter!
justsomerandguy 8
Now that she knows the effects, expect that to happen a lot more often, when you refuse to do whatever she wants. That kid totally owns you now.
Krissey_DJ 16
I'm not looking forward to when my son is around that age, because I'm scared he will pull something like this. That's why I decided to always keep a family photo in my wallet for these times to show all the nonbelievers
worldclassrager 41
I think she'll never have to worry about getting kidnapped...maybe you could get I'm her father shirt
cksmith51 14
How many people have four year olds on FML?
chelseaalise 12
mmmm.. . .tell me you got her tail afterwords.
fader48080 10
Now it is time to teach her what the beating of a lifetime really means
silverkaast 9
its too damn bad spankings aren't allowed anymore. you know... discipline for that shit. kid needs a red ass.