Intimacy: Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just...

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 932

You deserved it 3 360

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 242

You deserved it 6 619

By Me - 31/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 662

You deserved it 3 170

By robotchickens - 10/03/2010 19:54 - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 183

You deserved it 2 707

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 370

You deserved it 2 243

By csor027 - 29/09/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 4 636

Missed you too

By ooook - 16/02/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I'd finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looked at me and asked, "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 272

You deserved it 11 587

Wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 551

You deserved it 4 568

I was bored before I even began

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 221

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 117

You deserved it 3 784

By noantiquesforme - 30/03/2015 18:39 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 752

You deserved it 2 731

brookenicolee29 27

Friday 12 June 2015 9:45

Someone has seen a little too much ****.

Fern_Gully 20

Friday 12 June 2015 9:48

That old dog wanted you to teach him some new tricks... O.o

Comments

rohaanncool 15

Friday 12 June 2015 9:44

hell of an old man :D

brookenicolee29 27

Friday 12 June 2015 9:45

Someone has seen a little too much ****.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 10:24

What a gilf

ACTIONbl00dROCK 18

Friday 12 June 2015 18:41

You are all over this god forsaken site.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 20:05

#42 let it happen

MDoremis 38

Friday 12 June 2015 9:46

What a creeper.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 10:25

She made him creepy with that sweet sweet storegoing charm

Fern_Gully 20

Friday 12 June 2015 9:48

That old dog wanted you to teach him some new tricks... O.o

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 10:26

Mine was better

onlychildFTW 33

Friday 12 June 2015 10:46

No it wasn't.

Fern_Gully 20

Friday 12 June 2015 11:06

The fact that you felt the need to state yours was "better", proves otherwise...

rohaanncool 15

Friday 12 June 2015 11:51

he was just being a silly kid, give him credit for trying atleast.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 20:07

Im just jealous you beat me to saying it

igg125 30

Friday 12 June 2015 9:48

I wonder why he thought you were a hooker.

iiTzNeeNerz 26

Friday 12 June 2015 10:26

& you're completely sure that this is what he thought of her? He more than likely just read too much into her friendliness.

jgwyh 18

Friday 12 June 2015 9:51

Don't flatter yourself, he probably just wanted a *******.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 10:29

Naw thats a little over the top. He probably just wanted a good ol fashioned

cheeeksss 29

Friday 12 June 2015 13:04

Because that's MUCH better.

Exaspera 54

Friday 12 June 2015 9:51

Maybe he thinks that ALL women who give the time of day to him are hookers?

spinda 22

Friday 12 June 2015 9:53

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 10:30

He mighta been sexy though

gosh_mate 30

Friday 12 June 2015 9:54

Be nice to the outcasts they said ...

gosh_mate 30

Friday 12 June 2015 9:56

He's probably sad and lonely to be honest. But it's not nice to think he only gave you that time to get something from you.

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 540

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 087

You deserved it 2 489

The Top

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 485

You deserved it 5 134

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 888

You deserved it 13 068

Today, my father called me cruel and heartless. Why? Because while I was at school, our dogs opened the door to my room and managed to shut themselves inside all day without food or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 90

Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because he’d been rolling in mud. I returned to find him totally shaved, save his head and tail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 85

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 969

You deserved it 9 595

Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 432

You deserved it 84 242

Same thing different taste

PUA

Missed you too

Wanker

I was bored before I even began

Top comments

Comments