Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML
Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
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Top comments
BlackHawkSavior 28
Ask him if his parents know about them, rude prick.
Soloman212 28
I guess his parents didn't get the memo either
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Comments (115)
guii_fml 24
There're haven't seen that b4
GeorgiaBea 28
What a dick, when most likely at that moment all you needed was a sympathetic smile and commiserate on how ridiculous kids can be sometimes.
thatkiwiguy 13
Well I was going to comment about his general douchebaggery but frankly many people here have already put so eloquently what an unmitigated cockbite that guy was there's really nothing more to say.
hpandher 16
Even though he was being a jerk, somehow this fml brought a smile on my face...
wand3rlus 2
I didn't know which one to vote, I just laughed so hard. Sorry he is rude though ??
ascott1989 0
Should have said ur the ass that should have been swallowed
kaitb1103 23
Bahahahaha. That's funny!
kirby1964 20
Tell him they do work post birth. Hey, he had a bad day and now your kids are dancing on his last nerve. Just say sorry and ask the kids to cool it a bit. He is not the only one your kids are annoying.
Batmanic33 3
I don't think this guy knows how condoms work. They wouldn't be very effective at this point.
klutzyduck1 24
No, I'm pretty sure you could kill someone with a condom. Certainly not what the are generally used for, but definitely possible.
ARagingNewb 8
Hahaha