Intimacy: Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed... - FML

By janie - 30/01/2009 23:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 567

You deserved it 2 391

Compromises

Is that how it works?

I'm late… for business!

By LonnyLonnikins - 09/04/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I went to pick up my sister's wedding cake. It was a nice day, the shop was close, and the cake wasn't too big so I walked. On my way back, I stepped aside for a kid on a bike, tripped over my shoelaces, and dumped my sister's expensive, custom-designed cake. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 336

You deserved it 39 966

By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 389

You deserved it 897

Communication

By ohyaknow - 30/09/2010 09:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 967

You deserved it 37 472

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 729

You deserved it 3 714

By GeeTwo - 21/02/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 535

You deserved it 3 052

No one is safe

By chili - 24/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 287

By social anxiety my a** - 18/03/2013 14:17 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 630

You deserved it 4 184

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 14:23 - Canada

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 034

You deserved it 37 051

Somebody's watching me

By ugh - 08/06/2012 04:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 255

You deserved it 9 175

By Beva - 17/01/2013 05:03 - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 013

You deserved it 2 389

Oh nose!

By Fried. - 14/05/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to the smell of cooking bacon. As I walked down my stairs towards my kitchen, I realised that the smell wasn't coming from bacon, but from my kitchen being on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 05:17 - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 758

You deserved it 6 140

By Embarressed... - 04/08/2010 10:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 410

You deserved it 11 287

By ChrisD2V - 01/12/2011 03:52 - United States

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 828

You deserved it 33 892

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:51 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 577

You deserved it 803

By Blackshadows - 07/09/2015 18:08 - United States - Somerset

Today, I accidentally poured milk into my bowl of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 874

You deserved it 8 348

The tip of the iceberg

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 07:58

Today, I didn't have enough money to tip my hairstylist, even though I thought I did and said I was, but I'm so broke, my card got declined at $50. I needed the haircut for an interview. I feel so [email protected]%$>&* bad about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 208

By newsgirl - 16/07/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 856

You deserved it 13 066

By Anonymous - 09/04/2017 16:00

Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 820

You deserved it 684

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 13:51 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 619

You deserved it 38 838

Purple rain, purple rain

By wtf?! - 30/05/2020 05:00

Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 13/03/2015 19:35 - Bahrain - Manama

Spicy

Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with my life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 326

You deserved it 27 525

By trixanne - 06/01/2015 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 157

You deserved it 3 762

By Trey Wipperfurth-Eisner - 13/06/2019 05:15

Spicy

Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 217

By anonymous - 12/10/2010 03:06 - France

Today, I woke up to a broken window and 3 guys sitting in my living room watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 107

You deserved it 3 069

By sweet2u22 - 27/02/2011 02:30 - United States

Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 900

You deserved it 7 511

Can't stop, won't stop

By Matt8 - 07/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 339

You deserved it 2 093

Useful friends

By The One - 28/08/2021 05:01 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, after having a fight with my BFF, she invited me to come along to a party. I found out later that she'd only invited me so that when returning from the event, we could take a taxi and split the cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 81

By BadassNinja - 05/09/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 778

You deserved it 50 971

By weddinggirl - 27/08/2010 09:57 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 363

You deserved it 10 032

By winks - 09/11/2016 19:06 - United States - Reno

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 496

You deserved it 1 699

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 14:50 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 696

You deserved it 1 983

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 07:11 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 861

You deserved it 5 220

By jaxattax - 20/10/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 509

You deserved it 82 747

By ClutchJunkie - 05/12/2016 15:44

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 069

You deserved it 1 181

By All The Best People Are Crazy~ - 04/11/2016 03:49 - Canada - Oakville

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 934

You deserved it 1 262

By fired - 17/09/2013 04:36 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 064

You deserved it 98 889

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 108

By poop_mcqueen - 30/07/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 362

You deserved it 13 290

By ftt - 06/12/2016 15:22

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 281

You deserved it 582

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Thursday 12 February 2009 20:17

Who's primary on the lease? If it's you, kick her OUT

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Thursday 6 June 2013 21:51

Oh well :/ Is all you have to say? You might as well have not said anything.

Comments

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Thursday 12 February 2009 20:17

Who's primary on the lease? If it's you, kick her OUT

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:41

Guy, and Roommate = arseholes. Better off without them

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Monday 12 May 2014 2:32

I'm guessing OP isn't close with her roommate considering she would have mentioned that in her FML. Which means that OP might not have told her roommate about her confession. Even if OP did tell her, she's not required to abstain from having sex with him if her roommate and OP are not friends. And I'm also just assuming that this "boy" isn't her boyfriend or anything of the sort, or OP probably would have mentioned that. And again, the boy is not required to not have sex because of a girl he's most likely not very close with told him she loves him. So really, the roommate and the boy aren't "arseholes". OP just got really unlucky. No one's fault unless the roommate is a friend or the boy is a significant other. So FYL indeed.

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Thursday 26 February 2009 23:54

That's so fucked. I think I'd just beat them both with my police baton.

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Friday 13 April 2012 5:26

Ya I would be so much simpler

EuroCitySunrise 0

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 6:26

This happened to me, but im the girl who hooked up with the guy and also we've been dating for a month and i just found out that she liked him. Oh well :/

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Thursday 6 June 2013 21:51

Oh well :/ Is all you have to say? You might as well have not said anything.

24788 6

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Thursday 30 April 2009 6:51

That's just evil on their part.

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Monday 28 June 2010 3:27

nice abbs :)

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Wednesday 13 May 2009 16:48

sexiled? love the word but that sucks i wouldn't leave, doubt they'd do it with u there and if they do anyways least u get a show i guess?

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Sunday 14 June 2009 18:55

You totally deserve it for not having the common sense to find out what the guy was like before telling him you love him.

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Friday 2 April 2010 19:40

sexiled?

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Sunday 25 April 2010 4:33

12th

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 14:44

sex + exiled = sexiled

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Monday 28 June 2010 3:28

what's sexiled???

Cold_Pizza_Eater 0

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Friday 16 July 2010 4:39

When somebody "exiles" you from a place so they can have sex with someone in privacy.

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Monday 18 July 2011 3:35

sex exiled

horsechick212 0

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Tuesday 6 July 2010 23:43

ouch. :-/ sux 2 b u

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 50

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 3

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 55