Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
Today, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML
Today, at around 12 a.m. I went to bed, happy that I get to sleep in because I had nowhere be in the morning. Sadly that came to an end when I woke up around 7 a.m. to my mom coming home and screaming because she saw a mouse. FML
Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML
Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML
Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML
Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xoxoemmers 4
Rodents do know best
lovelydarlings 6
Guinea pigs need sleep too!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (341)
13FTW 9
228, **** that! Don't tell me you don't or you don't know a few people who giggle when someone says "got off" on accident or something along those lines. Live a little dammit!
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
129- I might laugh if it made sense to me, but it didn't.. so I won't.
13FTW 9
Whatever butter your biscuits! You have no sense of humor and are the biggest stick in the mud I have ever come across. Even a simple "hee-hee" would be fine buuuut, nooo, we gotta be all serious! Sometimes you gotta look at life and say "What the **** did I do last night!?" "I'm not great at farewells, so, uh, that'll do, pig" Kthanksbye(:
crashley21 10
My cat does the same thing
justbigbs 6
Hey at least your pet cares about you, haha
SchellShocka 1
Flick the Lil bastard
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
282-okay, go smoke some more crack and head back off to wonderland where everything you said is completely relevant and everyone understands your nonsensical jokes. Good day to you.
DDbaconcrazy 1
Um a guinea pig isn't a rodent derre
cudilover 0
282- you have to grow up ok? I guess you're only 14 or something but don't think you can get through life talking shit to everyone else
Amp1 0
That's actually impressive