Animals: Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I...

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 940

You deserved it 1 094

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 159

You deserved it 9 119

Night fight

By FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 929

You deserved it 12 963

STOP! BAD DOG!

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, the family dog escaped and I ran after her. She started attacking a random dog, so I started clapping and yelling, trying to get her attention. After I got her away, my hands started swelling. I clapped my hands so hard that they're swollen and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 441

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 252

You deserved it 27 564

By g'day cunt - 26/08/2012 18:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 641

You deserved it 28 873

Thirst trap

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 909

You deserved it 4 262

By haileyjunkin - 22/11/2011 17:53

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 3 304

Yucky!

By theapplesleader - 23/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 3 812

I'M SORRY!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 04:00

Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 570

Fight Club for Dummies

By Jeff - 23/05/2019 22:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 995

You deserved it 263

WCARlover 34

Wednesday 8 February 2017 12:00

Extreme Kylie Jenner lip challenge

jcash52426 5

Wednesday 8 February 2017 19:25

Dog 1 human 0

Comments

WCARlover 34

Wednesday 8 February 2017 12:00

Extreme Kylie Jenner lip challenge

TonierShadow 19

Wednesday 8 February 2017 12:34

Sounds like the plot to the next Rocky movie.

heart_aussie 32

Wednesday 8 February 2017 19:10

So... she won then? ;)

jcash52426 5

Wednesday 8 February 2017 19:25

Dog 1 human 0

OhPuhleeze 23

Wednesday 8 February 2017 19:46

what a bitch!

tenniemo 19

Thursday 9 February 2017 0:40

Don't know why this posted anonymous since I did it while logged in!

Kqzza 13

Thursday 9 February 2017 6:26

What kind of dog is she? A boxer? ;)

JPlays 3

Friday 10 February 2017 3:18

Look on the bright side. At least you won!

1hardasswoman 10

Friday 10 February 2017 7:50

Dog: "That'll teach my human to ignore me."

dabum18 5

Monday 13 February 2017 4:44

Been there also

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 847

You deserved it 635

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 106

The Top

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 187

You deserved it 1 022

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 342

You deserved it 10 350

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying that he's gay. I was thrilled and told him that I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 398

You deserved it 585

Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 526

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 426

Today, I intended to get home early. Instead, I got too drunk, threw up, fell asleep on the train, and had to pay a $120 for a taxi fare. Happy 30th birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 454