By handygirl - Singapore - Singapore

I'm here!

Today, I tried fixing my bedroom lock because the push button hadn't retracted. When I closed the door, I couldn't open it again because the spring isn't attached to the latch, so that didn't retract either. I'm locked in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1598

You deserved it

517

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Miscellaneous

Triage

Spy vs. Spy

Not gonna happen

By Badlucked - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1705

You deserved it

364

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By aggghghgh

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13455

You deserved it

2087

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By [email protected]

Just in case

Today, a customer threatened to kick my balls in if I didn’t give her a hot chocolate. I had already explained to her that it wasn’t working. She’s a regular so anytime I see her now I cover my balls just in case. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1715

You deserved it

164

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By WTF Lady?

Rod Stewart was wrong

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1772

You deserved it

138

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By username - United States

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38449

You deserved it

16454

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By PoachedFish - Lebanon

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34247

You deserved it

3042

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By Peachtree

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3585

You deserved it

443

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By DL06 - United States

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74369

You deserved it

12523

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3703

You deserved it

212

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By AliKate

Today, my father has finally started to focus on his health to reduce his weight and cholesterol. He has also decided that I'll do it with him. Now, he won't let me eat unless he's there to watch me. He leaves at 7 a.m. and doesn't come home until 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

170

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By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37104

You deserved it

3852

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22346

You deserved it

1331

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By trina - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks

104180

You deserved it

7937

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2021 23:01 - Australia

Great job, dude

Today, after my boyfriend of three years and I had our first child together last year and he was so hands on, now when I ask him to help with the baby he tells me I’m the primary carer, and that he’s not ready to be a dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

942

You deserved it

149

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By tay - Canada - Erin

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45537

You deserved it

2828

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By confidence taken - United States - Bay Springs

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57847

You deserved it

5824

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By Amelia

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1577

You deserved it

209

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By Anonymous

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2834

You deserved it

505

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By CBBP - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89687

You deserved it

8729

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

85891

You deserved it

474922

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By Anonymous - United States

Weirdo alert

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he sat down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57146

You deserved it

8405

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By missclitter - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29739

You deserved it

4036

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

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75663

You deserved it

8638

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 13:58

Bad timing

Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

435

You deserved it

671

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By i have failed so very badly - United States - Syracuse

Today, I found out our eight-year-old son lied about his former babysitter beating him. The babysitter's already thrashed us on social media for believing our son, and now no one in town is willing to babysit for us. Looks like date night is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3788

You deserved it

6917

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18114

You deserved it

59559

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By Dr Pepper

I'm not sad. Or am I?

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

859

You deserved it

1565

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By cai - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35524

You deserved it

3830

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By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29169

You deserved it

2077

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By I stink

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2264

You deserved it

209

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29383

You deserved it

12151

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By Joel_mama - New Zealand

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48882

You deserved it

20698

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By Anonymous

Spay and neuter, people!

Today, I took in an old friend’s fat cat for a month until she finds a place to live. Turns out the cat isn’t fat, just pregnant. I found out when I found two of her dead kittens in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1742

You deserved it

170

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By SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34061

You deserved it

3362

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By dollarstorepwnr - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44545

You deserved it

4898

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By Silver_Samurai - Netherlands

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25639

You deserved it

10470

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By friendless1004 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13948

You deserved it

28982

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By TTR - United States

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12898

You deserved it

44557

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By saywhat - United States - Yakima

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

I agree, your life sucks

76131

You deserved it

12220

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By FamilySecret - United States

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

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58697

You deserved it

4789

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Top comments

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7878668 - Friday 31 January 2020 14:45

If the hinges are on your side of the door just take them off. If you can get the door knob/handle off you might be able to open the door.

Other wise just call a friend or the fire dept to open the door

By RichardPencil | 30

#7878680 - Friday 31 January 2020 15:57

So, you effectively imprisoned yourself for being a bad handyman.

Seems like a light punishment for Singapore. The good news is no one can get it to cane you.

COMMENTS

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7878668 - Friday 31 January 2020 14:45

By RichardPencil | 30

#7878680 - Friday 31 January 2020 15:57

So, you effectively imprisoned yourself for being a bad handyman.

Seems like a light punishment for Singapore. The good news is no one can get it to cane you.

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7878708 - Friday 31 January 2020 19:28

Take the time to enjoy some video games, and a nap

By QueenSaru | 28

#7878772 - Friday 31 January 2020 22:32

In my experience, any push button (or turn button) lock door can be easily opened/unlocked by sliding a credit card in the crack and forcing the popped out thingy (technical I know) back in. Used to do it all the time when my brother was taking six years in the bathroom and I needed my stuff.