FML : Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms...

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Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Palindromesque Say more :

Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.

By Palindromesque / Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:07 / United States - Seattle

Intimacy

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#5658690 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 18:48

Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.

By Palindromesque | 21

#5659899 - Thursday 5 September 2013 12:28

Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously!

To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them.

We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises.

Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.

Comments

By Welshite | 39

#5658690 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 18:48

Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.

nottohappybride | 9

#5658696 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 18:49

I completely agree. I would get new ones at the dollar store incase your roommate keeps this up.

perdix | 29

#5658756 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 19:12

#1, nah, that's too expensive. Just wash them thoroughly with bleach and inspect them with a magnifying glass for hairs. You should be ok after that.

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5658829 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 19:42

Why go the sex store when you can get FREE toys at home.

tanekdrachonae | 19

#5658939 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 21:27

Hey, does anyone else hate run on sentences?

ifavela89 | 13

#5658948 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 21:43

that's gross throw them away.
who does that? how old is she?

EffYoLife | 14

#5659055 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 22:58

you're disgusting

simplysarcastics | 25

#5659573 - Thursday 5 September 2013 6:36

I don't think there is any coming back for those utensils, I would not touch them after the roomates sexual rendezvous. Plus I think the roomate has a issue lol, masturbating all over the house with my favorite spatula... Bitch must be crazy!

aka_Specs | 7

#5661526 - Friday 6 September 2013 14:07

Really? Kitchen utensils? I'm sure the nearest sex store sells dildos and vibrators for a reasonable price, shit hitting up the local grocery store in the produce aisle would've been better.

Hope you and your other roommates are doing something about it

By evilamoebaattack | 20

#5658691 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 18:48

ouch OP. hope you dont have to live with her for a long time.

herh1996 | 6

#5659272 - Thursday 5 September 2013 1:29

that's fucking nasty, you shouldn't do that shit at all especially if you live with someone and SHARE those things

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6068737 - Friday 19 September 2014 7:53

at least she's *hoarding* them. it's not like she's using them and putting them back. OP said she needs to stop taking them altogether, not bring back the used ones.

By Arthua | 9

#5658692 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 18:49

Jamie oliver agrees

By texanrose94 | 3

#5658697 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 18:50

yep i would not be touchin em eww

By speckledots | 29

#5658702 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 18:50

I wouldn't want to use anything she touched. Buy more and hide them from her.

Caitie_kid | 8

#5659589 - Thursday 5 September 2013 6:47

She should buy more and if the roommate keeps doing it, just embarrass the hell out of her! She should start to make food while the roommate has friends or their parents over and bring all the utensils to wherever they are in the house and interrogate her on which utensils she's used to entertain herself. Maybe she'd stop, or at least stop using shared household utensils after that.