Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML
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Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML
Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML
Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
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Top comments
null_fml 11
I'm guessing you've never had dogs of your own. I would have recognized the sound instantly and at least tried to check. If you have never owned a dog, then it is your boyfriend's fault - he should have recognized it. So FYL.
allmidnighteyes 11
Did you add to the pile?
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Comments (42)
generalfartimus 0
This kind of thing happened to me once. Except my dog was farting in my face repeatedly. He learns from the master.
deliapearl 0
at least your bf will be cleaning the vomit off the bed
homy_fml 0
dumping a guy when you now he has a Bf=not so fair that u destroy a guy's dreams
plexico 4
The dog can make it up to you. Dogs will lick and lick and lick anything you put peanut butter on. Use your imagination and Barfy can become Woman's Best Friend, too.
redbluegreen 41
I'm thinking the only reason the dog was allowed in the bed was for this very reason. It's probably more then the OP's ever done for him.
DrunkenValor 0
Be careful, sometimes they bite.
plexico 4
Oops. I forgot to mention that you need to use SMOOTH peanut butter. The dog might bite at a chunk (and you hope it would be a peanut chunk) if you used chunky.
zschamp 0
#17 is a crazy bitch.... i feel bad for your dog
skyeyez9 25
your bf is a douchebag. I have 2 dogs and recognize the "oouufffftttt ooouuuffffkkkkttt. sccllllllaaaaahhhttt" sound of a dog barfing from several rooms away. once you hear that, you have about 10-20 seconds to get your dog outside so he can puke in the grass and not in your house.
lmmmr 0
You're really ******* delusional.
JukeboxBunny 0
Whenever my dogs do that, I make them get out of the bed and I run to go get them a bag. Your boyfriend is a fucktard if he doesn't know what a dog vomiting sounds like. FYL.
Shmoopie4 0
This is when you kick the boyfriend out of the bed. Or shove him into the dog vomit.
metalmusic99 0
good, **** you little ungrateful bitch. he should've kicked you out of the bed instead of the dog.
tangerine_12 0
oh **** you, #25. dogs belong on the floor not on beds and couches. i have this one friend who lets her dog and cats on every thing in her house. when i slept over, we got blankets and they were wet. guess who's dog peed on them? frankly, dogs on bed or any furniture for that matter is disgusting. my dog is not allowed to get on any furniture, and for this reason.
McFroger3 0
They belong anywhere you want them, some people like having them snuggle up with them, some dont.
1337Steph 0
@ 27 Ok, you do realize that you can train pets NOT to pee inside the house or on the furniture. I'm afraid to know how you treat your pet(s) if you think of them as an object that merely belongs on the floor. Most pet owners actually care for their pets and don't mind their pet on furniture as long as they're trained not to scratch, use the bathroom, etc on it. Also, it's not disgusting to have them on furniture if you do your job & bathe him everyday like you're supposed to. Even if he isn't bathed, he'll still be cleaner than you.
charvisioku 22
Shut up you passive-aggressive idiot. I'd be pissed off too if I rolled into dog sick when I'd just pointed out that there was something wrong and been ignored.
metalmusic99 0
what? you little ******, you really don't understand pets. they're like friends (which you dont have since you're a dumb little bitch) and companions not for desperate people. wow you really need to either die or go to a mental institution since you have no emotion and you merely pollute the planet with your ****** little ****** up way of thinking.