Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
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Top comments
iemislayer 10
Dump her cheating ass
Wiringify 22
Hopefully she just mistook the date.
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Comments (164)
mr_sarcastic416 29
She just gave you another reason (and her permission) to choke her
Kuramasan_fml 12
Was this status about someone who cheated or did something truly horrifying happen here? I can't tell from what was written. What if she was raped by a stranger who broke in somehow last night ? That was my first thought. In which case what happened might be something utterly terrifying and way creepy.
Getspmak 15
Baaaaaaaaaazinga
brandoneyez1 25
Hopefully she meant the other night... Did you choke her recently? If not, to the curb with her!
daboar 5
Yeah, just like what happened in American Horror Story
picturescrazy 24
I have a hard time believing she was cheating since she so freely admitted it... maybe she was dreaming about you choking her or you had done it previously and she slipped up by saying it happened last night? I wouldn't dump her without having her explain herself. It could easily have been a slip of the tongue. Jumping to conclusions with the woman you were planning on marrying could wind up being a huge mistake.
jeffiej 4
Makes no sense if he was at work how could they be talking in bed, how would he know what she said
ZombieSazza 34
Should have choked the cheating ****.
jarockstar27 10
I hope you put an abrupt hilt to the sexual experience and kicked her ass to the curb! Unsatisfied sexual need is a great punishment and her cheating ass is out of the house!
PerditaDessa 38
I've messed up times during sex before. If he's doing his job I should have a hard time remembering my name; let alone, when something occurred last vs when I last thought about it.