Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I tried to reheat some leftover pizza in the microwave but forgot to take the plastic wrap off. The microwave filled with smoke, and the plastic melted onto the pizza. I ate burnt plastic-flavored pizza for lunch, because pizza is pizza and I couldn't bring myself to through it away. FML
Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML
Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML
Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML
Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
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Top comments
KuronoEru 26
Order a pizza, write the instructions as "make a smiley face with pepperoni" good luck!
HarshD9619 34
Hang in there OP, things will be better. And I always see reruns of my favorite TV series to cheer myself up, you can do the same maybe!
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Comments (81)
ballinball 14
at least you have pizza
fangirlofthings 21
No they don't, the pizza ended up burned.
havahnegila 22
Did you know that processed meats and cancer have been proven to cause cancer? The WHO (World Health Organization) just came out with it. Perhaps chose a different dietary choice too :/
mds9986 24
Cancer causes cancer???? Who knew! But really, causing cancer and "increasing the risk of cancer ( which is what the announcement said) are totally different.
mds9986 24
If your chance to have cancer is 0.5% and your risk goes up 15% then your new risk is 0.575%.
beeferjay 34
estimated deaths per year, worldwide, due to processed meat... about 30,000. getting in a car... 1,000,000 it's really not that bad when you read the whole article instead of just believing the media.
pacman490 21
I just almost laughed out loud at work
FunnnyGirrl 19
If that's not a metaphor for life then I don't know what is!
Ferry043 8
Just order a pizza and let somebody make it for you to make you feel happy or special!
FSGInsainity 15
And then they burn it or drop it face down in dirt.
ko051598 20
Rip pizza
mambab 14
So stuuuupïd
Michal99 12
I bet that pizza would have been good to. It's cool OP I hope things turn up for you.?
worldclassrager 41
How did you manage that?