Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I tried to reheat some leftover pizza in the microwave but forgot to take the plastic wrap off. The microwave filled with smoke, and the plastic melted onto the pizza. I ate burnt plastic-flavored pizza for lunch, because pizza is pizza and I couldn't bring myself to through it away. FML
Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML
Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML
Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML
Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
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Top comments
KuronoEru 26
Order a pizza, write the instructions as "make a smiley face with pepperoni" good luck!
HarshD9619 34
Hang in there OP, things will be better. And I always see reruns of my favorite TV series to cheer myself up, you can do the same maybe!
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Comments (81)
Xaian1 17
That's the saddest thing I've read all day. D: I'd buy you a pizza if I could, cheer up, smiles keep the world alive. :)
NYGiants1925 22
Hahaha that's fantastic.
orios105 18
nnnnnnnoooooooo. the pizza. the horror.
WOTAN1488 24
Oh woe is you
Eivana 37
Just keep your head up! Just have a sense of humor and don't take it too hard.
TMO2142 25
Well that means your happyness is hot
mwali02 32
The pizza burned, or you burnt the pizza? lol!
swegdood 15
What does op mean?
False_Stupidity 42
Orgasms from Pepperoni
Catdragon 40
Things to do when cooking pizza: Grease the pan with oil, it'll prevent burning and sticking. If the dough is by scratch, pre cook it for 7 minutes before adding the sauce and toppings. Cook the pizza on 350-500 depending on your oven's strength. I prefer a higher temp because it gives the crust a harder texture. Cook at a lower temp for chewier crust. After adding the toppings put the pizza back in the oven for an additional 6-10 minutes. You do not want the cheese to burn or the fats will break down and oil the pizza up. The cheese doesn't pull apart the right way and it's just unpleasant and hard. These are all things I learned while cooking my own homemade pizza. Do not give up! c:
Dominus101 20
Well at least you made an attempt that was thoughtful for yourself, did you order up some Dominoes after ?