By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 04:10 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy
Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML
I agree, your life sucks 30 042
You deserved it 5 827

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Hate to be THAT person on FML, but I would seriously consider leaving that relationship. If he's fucking you but can't be bothered to hold your hand in public, that's a bit of a red flag. Then again you could always talk to him, but this just seems a bit suspect to me. EDIT: And to the comments before me, using sex as a weapon is immature.

Comments

personthing 17

Next time he wants sex just tell him the same (;

#1 & #2: Withholding sex does jack shit to solve the relationship's issues.

dannnngthatsux 19

#38 Maybe in your case, but in others, it gets attention quick. If he can't publicly show ANY affection why should she show any privately?

I think it depends on her motivation. Withholding sex basically as a bribing tool seems kind of immature/unhealthy to me. But if she's the type of person who generally associates sex with emotional attachment, and had been sleeping with him mistakenly thinking he cared about her at "that stage" of commitment, then it might make more sense that it might be a "turn off" for her. In that case she probably should have made sure of his feelings before sleeping with him, but she's in no obligation to force herself to sleep with him if she no longer wants to.

honz99999 11

"Don't let someone fuck you in private if they can't claim you in public."

You hold the power OP. If he won't hold you hand maybe withhold a little sex;)

How does she holds the power, exactly? Shouldn't both parties be equal in a relationship?

Sathane 21

Yah. Good idea. Use sex as a weapon and withhold it and then you can cry to your friends about how you constantly get "cheated on". How about you don't give it up to jerks in the first place?

Hate to be THAT person on FML, but I would seriously consider leaving that relationship. If he's fucking you but can't be bothered to hold your hand in public, that's a bit of a red flag. Then again you could always talk to him, but this just seems a bit suspect to me. EDIT: And to the comments before me, using sex as a weapon is immature.

I hate that argument. "Don't use sex as a weapon" I'd be doing that if I used sex to get get my way, but if I'm pissed off or they are being an asshole, I'm not going to have sex with them. In this one, if he won't hold her hand in public, it seems he's only wanting sex and she wants more. If she doesn't want to have sex with him then she doesn't have to.

#25 i don't think they meant don't withhold sex, but rather you shouldn't have to to further a relationship and therefore she should just drop him.

I don't think sex should be used as a weapon but, there comes a time when its needed. In a situation like this if talking doesn't work then I think it's fair to withhold sex. Also, I'm new to FML can someone help me with grammar errors? One of the reasons I joined is because everyone seems to know grammar amazingly at least compared to me. Thank you, have a nice day!

danceinconverse 25

That's not the same as not using sex as a weapon, that's just your right to not have sex if you feel like it. Saying "I'm pissed off therefore I don't want to have sex with you" is completely valid. "I'm not going to have sex with you until you do xyz" is pretty shitty, unless it directly involves a factor the affects sex. i.e. "until you do the dishes" is shitty, "until you have a shower" is pretty reasonable.

You said it perfectly, 46.

Sandman2015 12

So is not holding your girlfriends hand in public.

Redgy22 26

We also know EXACTLY how everyone should think & act in every situation, regardless of our age, sex, or experience! Welcome... (This is sarcasm. If youdon't explain that, expect a large number of people not to understand it.) WELCOME!!!

Redgy22 26

...

I disagree with you. He stated that they were not at "that stage" of the relationship which indicates he knows full well of what his relationship is with her. From the little information given, through no fault of OP's due to limited characters, it would appear that he is just wanting sex. Being that resistant to public displays of affection with someone who you are sleeping with is a clear indication that you don't want anyone else to know about the relationship and thus ruin your chances of getting laid elsewhere. I would caution against going further in this relationship until OP and her boyfriend sit down and discuss whether they are on the same page as to where the relationship is going.

My comment was referring to using sex to get your way in a disagreement. If you don't want to have sex cause you're mad at someone that is totally justified, but plotting to not have sex with him until he does X Y Z is childish in my opinion.

Yep, 85. Huge red flag that he does not intend to be faithful. My ex husband also refused to hold my hand on public. We're divorced due in no small part to his infidelity.

Malsain_fml 10

I had sex with several girls. I hold hand of none of them. I don't like it. I might do it whenever I get married, but I can't even confirm it. Walking holding someone's hand is much more intimate to me than having sex. I could have sex with any cute girl I see in the street. I would not hold there hand though. And honnestly... 2 weeks is absolutely nothing. You don't leave someone because they won't hold hand. Sorry.

I know, it might sound crazy, but have you tried talking to him? To me it sounds like OP was on a date, encountered an issue and then immediately posted this, without any attempt to investigate what might have caused it.

Or could it be he's not comfortable with PDA and needs more time with that part of the relationship

How long have you been dating??

Does that matter? He should be able to hold her hand if he is fucking her.

I thin it does matter. If it's been 2 weeks and it's solely a sexual relationship, that's definitely not good. If it's been 2 months, he needs to hold her damn hand. Either way, they need talk it out.

Sathane 21

Why is she fucking him if she hasn't even held his hand in public again? Oh wait! That doesn't matter because it's always the guy's fault, right? Definitely not poor decision making on the part of the female. Not ever.

Malsain_fml 10

These are two different things : Holding hand is not a step of commitement implied by having sex. Having sex does not imply you hold hand previously.

Sounds like an asshole only in it for sex

*Sounds like he is only in it for sex Why is it neccessary to call someone an asshole because of this? The post does not imply that OP had made her intentions clear in any way before the FML moment. Having sex does not necessarily mean that any of them wants to be in a relationship. Of course, it is unfortunate when only one of the partners realizes that he/she wants their relationship to be about more than just sex. In a situation like this, no one can be blamed, as long as they are fully honest with each other.

90, the whole "not at that stage yet" thing gives him away, and makes him seem like an asshole. He's okay having sex with her, but isn't yet comfortable holding hands? Hand holding is one of the most basic forms of intimacy, and it really shouldn't be something that anyone isn't ready for. Kissing in public, I could understand. But refusal to do something as simple as holding hands in public when you're already doing something way more intimate in private is an issue.

I think that while sex can be casual, you don't hold hands with someone in public you're not committed to. Not being "ready" to hold her hand in public implies that he enjoys spending time with her, but has yet to feel committed to their relationship. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be upset, I'm just saying he's not neccessariliy an asshole for wanting casual sex instead of a relationship (provided he had been honest all the way).

Malsain_fml 10

#107 I'd rather kiss a girl in public than hold her hands. And I don't define myself as an asshole. I fully agree with #90/#120. The only thing that matter is honesty. As much for the one who only would want sex, as for the one willing to have a serious relationship.

If he won't hold your hand, maybe his hand needs to be holding something else regularly instead of you

Crazy as this may sound, some people just aren't into hand holding. I think you lot are seriously jumping to conclusions when it could well be something far more innocent.

He obviously a fuckboy. You should consider leaving him OP.

Can we all agree to not use the term "fuckboy", "fuckboi", or any other variation of it?

I am awaiting that terms slow and painful death.

Badkarma4u 17

WorldStar!!!!!!!.

It makes me wonder if he's really seeing you as a girlfriend or just a friends with benefits kind of thing. Or he could just be one of those people that takes an excruciatingly long time to get into the romantic swing of a relationship. Either way, sorry OP. Have a talk with him about it and see where you stand.

You just met his other girl friend, first and the last :)

This is clever. And deserves a few more thumbs up ?

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