Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently... - FML

By Anonymous - 9/4/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12813

You deserved it

70415

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Rock, hard place

Boozehound alert

By greek_dancer - 13/7/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and had to parallel park. It took me 10 to 12 minutes of maneuvering before I got into the slot. When I turned off the car and got out, there were 8 people laughing hysterically and clapping for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25731

You deserved it

46320

Tweet

Share

By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22777

You deserved it

2503

Tweet

Share

By lily - 30/8/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30069

You deserved it

54454

Tweet

Share

By 16Charlie5 - 19/5/2018 15:00

Curious...

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3611

You deserved it

256

Tweet

Share

By Bonngoo - 17/11/2016 18:17 - United States

Today, at school, we were supposed to say something that we are thankful for. When I was about to speak, one of the girls at my table said, "It's okay, you can say PornHub." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10168

You deserved it

1197

Tweet

Share

By screw the cat - 24/7/2012 05:10 - United States - South Jordan

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house when we noticed her cat was missing. We saw it on the roof and so I thought I would try to look good by offering to go on the roof to retrieve it. The cat had climbed down when I got up there, and I have a fear of heights. Her mom had to help me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13066

You deserved it

23781

Tweet

Share

By itsover - 11/12/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39369

You deserved it

3360

Tweet

Share

By Amber - 28/5/2013 23:42 - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25610

You deserved it

52261

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/6/2018 19:00

Professional.

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4317

You deserved it

279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/1/2012 20:06 - United States

Today, I received a late Christmas present from my estranged father. I was really excited, having neither seen nor heard from him in nearly two years. It was a $200 gift card for a store that only exists in Canada. I don't live in Canada. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31618

You deserved it

3975

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/6/2020 05:00

Manly men fighting

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and had a fistfight with a dumb teenager, which was bad enough, but he also lost the fight, which was just pathetic and embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1369

You deserved it

233

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 23:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48715

You deserved it

3812

Tweet

Share

By dxplq876 - 17/3/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

111693

You deserved it

4649

Tweet

Share

By Cassandra - 14/10/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32527

You deserved it

12156

Tweet

Share

By 1415926 - 22/1/2015 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all 3 campuses of the state college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34135

You deserved it

2745

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2706

You deserved it

361

Tweet

Share

By poorgirl - 17/5/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18119

You deserved it

1670

Tweet

Share

By FirmlyInEngland - 17/9/2009 09:23 - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41105

You deserved it

5525

Tweet

Share

By whydoihavecats - 4/8/2015 19:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26404

You deserved it

2641

Tweet

Share

By Goblin Girl - 1/8/2012 05:46 - United States - Katy

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25366

You deserved it

2226

Tweet

Share

By TwiceDaily,Kids - 6/4/2012 00:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27815

You deserved it

5093

Tweet

Share

By ManInTrouble - 16/3/2010 04:50 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51531

You deserved it

4500

Tweet

Share

By daniella101 - 28/6/2012 18:11 - United States - Lacombe

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29135

You deserved it

3604

Tweet

Share

By Nikki - 18/3/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35984

You deserved it

91019

Tweet

Share

By TheLemon - 17/2/2017 04:00 - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7747

You deserved it

548

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2015 14:23 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28333

You deserved it

4749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30170

You deserved it

4613

Tweet

Share

By ToothHurtyAM - 18/10/2018 05:00

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4078

You deserved it

822

Tweet

Share

By kaileekat517 - 21/11/2010 18:36 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25359

You deserved it

3461

Tweet

Share

By sadsadboy - 7/9/2015 21:20 - Peru

Today, I went to a bar which has two stories. I was on the top floor and then went downstairs. As I was going down, I recognised a boy in a wheelchair and his friends trying to get him up. I helped and took the wheelchair. One of his friends decided it would be a good moment to steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26273

You deserved it

1831

Tweet

Share

By Zuzubat - 5/9/2013 23:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40090

You deserved it

2553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 23:06 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30171

You deserved it

3713

Tweet

Share

By SoGoodAtLife - 9/3/2016 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19228

You deserved it

6571

Tweet

Share

By Bailey - 22/8/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48632

You deserved it

14049

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2012 02:13 - United States

Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32124

You deserved it

2702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7767

You deserved it

42419

Tweet

Share

By stillwaiting - 9/3/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77063

You deserved it

3110

Tweet

Share

By Maruska28 - 7/9/2017 20:00

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4839

You deserved it

393

Tweet

Share

By kay - 1/6/2012 21:08 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28836

You deserved it

4328

Tweet

Share

By tardspawn - 5/4/2015 15:38 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33471

You deserved it

3957

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By TurtleGenius | 0

#97480 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:52

How in the world did you manage to do that?

By SVelasquez | 0

#97947 - Friday 10 April 2009 3:47

You have GOT to be kidding me. How did you manage to pull that, smart one? Seriously, didn't you notice that NOBODY had brake lights or flashers? Typically when you're in a hurry you'd notice that. This is EXACTLY why we should all just take cabs from now on.

COMMENTS

By TurtleGenius | 0

#97480 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:52

How in the world did you manage to do that?

By lalala1218 | 0

#97481 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:53

christ i'm a cunt

By Jaxro | 6

#97490 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:53

Hahahhah. Tail lights?

By truslide | 0

#97494 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:54

probably a women

By chea_chea | 0

#97500 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:54

Haha, I've done similar things to that...not for 5 minutes though, you couldn't see that none of the cars were moving ahead, no people, etc? Should have pulled back into traffic much earlier than that sorry but YDI

By jarofarts | 0

#97503 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:55

hahaha i've done that! only it was a broken car on a freeway offramp. i didn't notice he was broken and all these cars lined up behind me ... oh man it was funny after i was done feeling like a moron.

By mojo_jojo | 0

#97507 - Friday 10 April 2009 1:55

Absolutely no way you sat there for 5 minutes. Long traffic lights aren't even that long.

By Grand_Marquis | 0

#97560 - Friday 10 April 2009 2:01

I hate it when that happens - there are too many goddamn roads where I live with "part-time lanes" where half the day the lanes double as parking spaces, and they butt right up against the damn turning lane of an intersection.

I once got into a situation where I found myself behind parked cars, noticed immediately, but then some dumbass pulls into the lane behind me and blocks me in, thinking the same thing I was thinking. Now I'm not only in the wrong lane, but STUCK there. That was fun.

By Mortal_Light | 0

#97566 - Friday 10 April 2009 2:02

Way to not pay attention to the road.

By marz88 | 0

#97599 - Friday 10 April 2009 2:08

Evolution : 1

You : 0

Protip: don't procreate :p

Reply

xPedobear | 0

#1292651 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 3:49

#10 is my favorite comment of all time