Sex and Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great...

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 285

You deserved it 2 745

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Same thing different taste

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 736

You deserved it 4 429

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 444

You deserved it 20 175

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 4 299

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 946

You deserved it 12 716

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 105

You deserved it 8 799

Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 426

You deserved it 7 324

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 049

You deserved it 1 142

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 14:19 - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 298

You deserved it 21 484

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 440

You deserved it 11 495

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 4 676

andits 21

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:24

Once he finished you should've said "I give this establishment two maybe three stars" lol

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:24

Believe me, based on what I've read on this app, people have said much worse.

Comments

Saraishi 24

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:37

Not the worst I've heard but ew, mood killer or at least downer.

JusstJef 16

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:45

Smooth, you're a lucky gal

fuckfuckityfuck 16

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:48

Warm with a creamy feeling that will make your ovaries quiver.

DevilsMetsGiants 30

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:48

Next time ride him and say "Do you feel it, Mr. Krabs"?

PhoenixChick 26

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:49

Some people are not smooth enough for dirty talk.

Logical07 16

Monday 25 January 2016 4:04

Exactly.

Dexter83_fml 17

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:55

You should of whispered "I ordered a large"

NickACD 27

Tuesday 19 January 2016 19:48

Should've or should have. Should of is in no way proper grammar.

oliv34 11

Wednesday 20 January 2016 0:19

didnt notice that till you said something

Chloe555_fml 27

Wednesday 20 January 2016 0:58

Thanks Capt. Hindsight.

Ahill84 6

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:58

Oh that doesn't work? Let me write that down then

PossiblyInDanger 24

Tuesday 19 January 2016 18:58

At least he tried, OP. Just tell him that isn't working, and discuss what to try next time.

WOTAN1488 24

Tuesday 19 January 2016 19:16

Lol epic

LeonDaRealProfi 6

Tuesday 19 January 2016 19:29

thats f*cking funny xD

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 92 769

You deserved it 16 300

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I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 285

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 43 502

You deserved it 4 222

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I agree, your life sucks 50 298

You deserved it 8 871

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I agree, your life sucks 26 769

You deserved it 10 916

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I agree, your life sucks 26 279

You deserved it 3 266

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 701

You deserved it 9 795

Today, my love life comes down to a choice in loneliness: I can either be alone, because I never meet anyone these days, let alone an interesting guy. Or, I can go back to my ex, who I left because he made me feel alone while sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 171