Intimacy: Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

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Intimacy

Out of it

The smell detective is on the case

Stealth dog

By lolilovemyboyfriend - United States

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

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By qhorin halflung

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

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By kady - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

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By Better not - United States - Kenai

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another 5 days. FML

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By SmileEveryday - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

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By Around - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 02:02

Empathy Man

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

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By megmo7 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

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By Noctium - 2/9/2020 14:08 - Australia - Bentley

Anxiety

Today, I realised exactly how bad my social anxiety has gotten when I had a panic attack watching someone ask someone else out on a fictional show. FML

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By tryscal - United States

Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd and 5th graders on why it's so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies - I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML

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By youdontknowmewhy - United States - Keller

Today, I was called a selfish brat for asking for a pillow as my birthday present. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

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By anonomus - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, the 3 girls who have continuously bullied me for the past 3 years gave a class presentation on why bullying is so terrible. Judging from our teacher's comments, they're going to get top marks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

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By power corrupts... - Czech Republic

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

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By anonymous - Japan

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

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By brandiboobarry

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

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By samaram - United States

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

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By Ouch

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

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By knolan - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

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By Imnotfromhere - 28/2/2021 21:30

Le Epic Bacon

Today, after years of struggling with acne, I found out that it's caused by all the bacon I eat. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2020 17:03

This charming man

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant. And gave me an STD. FML

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By fionna_fiamma - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

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By Depression... - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

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By I write sins not other people's essays - United States - King George

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

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By ChoirGuy - United States

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

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By Alone - 27/12/2020 13:58 - Italy

Happy Holidays

Today, after spending Christmas alone because my bus home got cancelled due to Covid, I found that I have to spend the New Year alone and potentially homeless because my flight home got cancelled. FML

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By dentedmercedes - United States - Berkley

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

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By nukebroadcast - United States

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 23:00

Too much of a good thing

Today, my girlfriend complained that our quickies shouldn’t take 45 minutes. FML

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By Hatemyjobbb

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

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By Anna - Sweden - V?ster?s

Today, after weeks of searching, I finally found the wedding dress of my dreams. Too bad it was in the form of a download for The Sims. FML

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By computerguy - Canada

Today, I took the motherboard out of my computer so I could put more RAM and a new video card in. While I was in the bathroom my mom threw it all out because it 'looked like garbage'. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

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Top comments

By hi_from_HI | 0

#540779 - Saturday 5 September 2009 13:18

Yeah it's called living in a dorm!!! You have to share your living space and she is not required to avoid going to her home all because of some sign. Guess it's time for you to grow up or find some other place if you can't control your urges.

By captainmaharet | 1

#541640 - Saturday 5 September 2009 21:06

Today, I went into my room to find my roommate and her boyfriend fucking. They told me to get out of my room. FML.

COMMENTS

By sux2beU | 0

#540462 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:12

Oh really

Alhan_fml | 0

#975494 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 5:20

Well 1, that's probably just how boring OP's sex is. I bet the boyfriend was playing solitaire too.

jenniferxxlou | 0

#982973 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 7:39

feel free to troll me about this but what is an OP

happyhak | 5

#989713 - Sunday 9 May 2010 11:22

#43, OP=Original Poster

luvdatglitter | 0

#1012120 - Sunday 30 May 2010 2:29

good for her lol

CherryBombb | 0

#2598092 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 5:32

yes, really. o.o

By SomeRandomGuy18 | 0

#540483 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:18

lol

By babyjay424 | 0

#540496 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:22

i would of asked her to join! haha she didnt care she prob thought to herself "eehh i seen better"

Edruggireo | 3

#3801162 - Thursday 29 December 2011 3:35

Hell yea i agree with u if she looks good

By Chr0nicdreamz | 0

#540511 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:25

now that's funny. I agree FYL. I woulda tol her to get the fuck out. Ppl obviously don't have common sense. you know the saying "Common sense is not so common"

By Bloodknight | 22

#540523 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:28

Wow, haha, well maybe you should have taken the hint and just invited her to join in. Or was it that you just liked being watched. Either way, there were multiple solutions to this, none of them ending bad for anyone, bwahahaha!

By a_lazy_day_88 | 0

#540542 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:35

hahaha I'm sorry.
I've done that before to my roommate after she pissed me off.

By shadowryder | 0

#540556 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:40

Maybe it's a good idea to go to his place? Or ask her to join? Lots and lots of solutions =|

By Fenix0147 | 0

#540591 - Saturday 5 September 2009 9:56

Hawt.

By Wankster | 0

#540597 - Saturday 5 September 2009 10:00

Mhm sure

By Glam_fml | 0

#540693 - Saturday 5 September 2009 11:43

So? She obviously didn't care, so why should you?

Atleast she got on the computer and played a game. She could have just stared at you or videotaped you. Now that would be much worse.

CherryBombb | 0

#2598104 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 5:33

exactly. (: