Intimacy: Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking...

By roberto - 12/11/2010 23:48 - Brazil

Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 646

You deserved it 7 353

Intimacy

This Charming Man

My new friends

I don't need to see this

By lonely otaku - 25/12/2013 07:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 369

You deserved it 7 376

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 807

You deserved it 51 561

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 10:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 807

You deserved it 2 411

Shitpants blues

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 02:01

Today, I recently started taking some antidepressants and they have been working really well for me, except for the fact that they have made me crap my pants twice now. Both times in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 68

By random - 08/06/2013 04:42 - United States - El Paso

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 759

You deserved it 16 807

A mind of its own

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 05:02

Today, I realized I'm getting fat. When going for a drive, I plugged my phone in to listen to music. I put the phone in my lap to start driving and my gut changed the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 445

By it's awkward - 11/08/2015 16:22 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 784

You deserved it 3 652

By Eric - 13/05/2011 02:19

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 551

You deserved it 2 884

Can't face it

By bearded lady - 08/06/2020 14:03

Today, thanks to all my medications, I've been growing thick, dark hair on my face. I decided to use hair removal cream instead of shaving. The cream removed every trace of hair, but also made my skin about 4 times lighter than the rest of my face. It's even more noticeable than the beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 228

By dracer - 04/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years who I helped through drug rehab and find employment in my office left me for someone else. His explanation was that now that his "head is not clouded with chemicals" and he "makes decent money", he wants to settle down with someone worthy of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 852

You deserved it 3 950

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 04:00

Today, while browsing through Walmart, I slipped on a piece of clothing and fell backwards into an obese lady’s butt. When I landed, she farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 270

By Baustigt - 22/08/2013 14:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 651

You deserved it 13 794

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/07/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 127

You deserved it 10 676

By dk14 - 24/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 950

You deserved it 638

By Anonymous S'wit - 08/11/2014 22:49 - Portugal

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 849

You deserved it 8 775

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 862

You deserved it 5 008

By feeling dusty - 11/03/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 680

You deserved it 1 520

Fred Durst stan

By Deaf Biscuit - 26/08/2021 20:01

Today, my neighbour across the street has entered his ninth consecutive hour of playing Limp Bizkit at full blast. The only thing overriding my concern for his mental health is my sheer surprise that they have 9 hours of original music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 69

By FlyLikeABird - 16/11/2014 08:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 507

You deserved it 4 277

By ChelseaRae - 06/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 5 525

By Annonymous - 17/12/2010 02:28

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 705

You deserved it 3 976

Mystery

By oof! - 09/08/2021 17:59

Today, after taking him to two different neurological specialists, a pediatric ophthalmologist, an inner ear specialist, and a therapist, I’ve spent thousands of dollars just to come to the conclusion that my son is just hopelessly clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 121

By PandaMantis - 25/06/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 301

You deserved it 47 978

Very important note

By Stress - 06/02/2020 14:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, the teacher said the class today was very important and that we should take note. Instead of writing notes, I bought a recorder and brought it to class. After class, I listened to the recording and all I could hear was muffled voices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 2 631

By Anonymous - 03/12/2016 09:54 - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 886

You deserved it 640

Healthy relationship

By scared - 24/06/2020 23:02

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 2 354

Caught

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 16:30 - Reserved

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 480

You deserved it 3 394

By nV1ous - 17/09/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 090

You deserved it 56 843

By greeneyedpothead - 29/03/2012 06:33 - United States - Hanford

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 447

You deserved it 27 516

By .__. - 07/12/2014 08:10 - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 467

You deserved it 38 369

By Recovering Alcoholic - 17/12/2014 22:41 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 426

You deserved it 12 733

I'm not blind

By Anonymous - 06/12/2019 20:00

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 784

You deserved it 536

By Emily 1992 - 13/06/2019 07:00 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, and for the past 3 days, I've had a massive migraine. It finally went away while I was at work, thanks to my nose bleeding all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 106

By OH COME ON - 29/12/2011 15:48 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 697

You deserved it 5 535

By hrmpf - 19/01/2016 14:37 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 930

You deserved it 2 936

By brrrr that's cold! - 27/01/2011 20:24 - United States

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 647

You deserved it 2 393

By Bestfrienduncool - 30/09/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 693

You deserved it 2 658

Car Wars

By no car - 04/08/2020 17:04

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 361

By Anonymous - 15/10/2014 04:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 114

You deserved it 3 606

By carl_carl_ - 25/07/2016 04:17 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 820

You deserved it 1 505

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Top comments

def10nes 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:34

Your life doesn't suck. You have someone that wants to watch a fun, charming movie with you. Appreciate your lady ... you have one. The meaning of life isn't sex.

LiishaNiinahx 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:27

disney movies are amazing ;D <3

sammiewashere 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:24

hahhaa awwhh that sucks

supasxcprincess 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:50

no that's what he gets for dating a 5 year old...the princess & frog, come on

Astroman129 7

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:56

Come on 22... you're never too old for a Disney movie.

sammiewashere 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:03

ur never too old for a good Disney movie! come on

jakeisawake 3

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:07

Aye, whoa whoa whoa. Toy Story 3 can hardly be compared to a princess movie. It's freaking Toy Story 3. That's like THE bamf disney movie.

supasxcprincess 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:13

yeah but there's a big difference between toy story & the princess & frog + she'd rather watch it then be with her boyfriend ...

marinus_fml 19

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:25

I feel left out having never watched toy story 3 or princess and the frog :( Lion king on the other hand is God of the Disney movies.

Thin_Ice_fml 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:30

Toy Story 3 was an epic movie. screw you all to those who hate it.

jakeisawake 3

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:39

#41 .... You have to rent Toy Story 3; better yet, buy the bitch.

jazzy514 7

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:55

there's a first for everything

sweettriumph 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 5:54

trueee

generalasskicker 12

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Saturday 13 November 2010 6:17

Disney movies ftw

hannah1203 2

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Saturday 13 November 2010 6:28

Disney ftw

marinus_fml 19

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Saturday 13 November 2010 6:51

Truly whipped if you have to cook dinner, and get cock-blocked by a Disney movie :)

pwincessa23 1

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Saturday 13 November 2010 9:38

78, I don't get ur pic. it's a wiennie & ketchup... what's wrong with that!!!

Passant_fml 3

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Saturday 13 November 2010 10:11

then don't ask and stay pure.

ICabooseI 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 10:27

82 cooking kicks ass bro

OrginalOwen 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 13:00

1st Cooking chicks breakfest after keeps em coming back. 2nd you haven't been truly cockblocked untill a pixar movie sepeeates you from pussy.

Tanya101 4

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Sunday 14 November 2010 20:52

agreeed

GreatGeak 8

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Thursday 16 December 2010 18:09

lol 98, do you really not see it? it's sad, because I do. rofl!

907PRincess 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:26

that's fckn lame .

tanner11111 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 5:35

Disney has that affect on people

NiceGuyz 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 20:07

I think it is the OP who is 'fucking lame'. ^NiceGuyz^

agentx52 13

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Monday 4 July 2011 21:52

Nah, I say he deserves it. No girl is that childish. She probably wanted to have sex, but you're too gullible to push past it.

FML858 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:27

ydi for sucking in bed.

Zya_fml 8

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Saturday 13 November 2010 8:38

I guess it did :(. R.I.P cute puppy D:

EpicPear 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 11:34

I don't know how I misread 33's post wrong. I read the two P's in puppy as S's

XelaKJK 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 18:49

103, u read it as suspy?

EpicPear 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 8:53

No the 2nd and 3rd p's

yewzd 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:06

Pussy?

ZeeBest86 6

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Friday 3 December 2010 4:20

lmao @116! true win!!

LiishaNiinahx 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:27

disney movies are amazing ;D <3

Zabrielle 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:37

indeed they are! =D

sara117 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 5:30

agreed!

xxxbooxxx 16

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:08

yass! <3

FMLandurstoo 9

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:33

she thinks walt disneys better in bed

mathew17986g 2

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:33

ha ha ha hey well watch the movie theeeen you guys can get it on XD

AmazonGurrl 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:33

Just wait till after the movie. Nothing gets you in the mood like a good Disney movie haha

mrbeastmode 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 4:23

lawlz

ICabooseI 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 10:30

what kind of Disney movies have YOU been watching girl!?

def10nes 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 3:34

Your life doesn't suck. You have someone that wants to watch a fun, charming movie with you. Appreciate your lady ... you have one. The meaning of life isn't sex.