Most likely his boss is a small business owner, and pays his staff himself.

Well that was creative.

Pretty sure he's quoting Christmas Vacation.

I mentally gasped for air at the end.

Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?

Rolls off my mental tongue quite nicely.

You forgot lint licker

Settle down Clark!

My favorite movie quote of all time. Thanks for posting that in the most appropriate way imaginable.

Very welcome!

For some reason, it started out normal in my head and then ended up with Bill Cosby noises in my head...

He should send this (anonymously) to his boss!

annnnnnnd hes fired

mad ****** skill, #6

Or you could just anonymously shit in a box? Sounds a lot better if you don't want to get fired.

5 words: haribo sugar free gummy bears.

Payroll is probably set up for Fridays.

#17 - Not all companies are set for Friday payroll. My company does semi-monthly pay checks: the 15th and the last day of the month. Depending on the company OP works for, it may be a small business where the manager is the owner, thus he/she would be able to choose a different day to pay the employees. If the company OP works for DOES have a payroll/HR department, he should definitely contact them to address the issue, as the manager should not be able to overrule the standard HR payroll system. It really does suck, and hopefully OP will get paid on time.

In Australia, if payday is a certain day (in this case Friday, most likely), and a public holiday falls on that day, the company is obligated to pay it BEFORE the normal payday. Of course smaller companies get away with not doing this, but it is generally the law. On the downside, its the 24th of December, one shouldnt be relying on a pay due on the 25th (I'm only guessing) to buy Christmas presents. There's leaving things to the last minute, and LEAVING THINGS TO THE LAST MINUTE. On the upside, they get 2 pays within 7 (or 14) days of each other. The next payday doesnt come in late just because this one did (unless its paid weekly, then NYD will probably cop the same thing).

Firstly, I work at maccas in Australia, if payroll is a public holiday, it gets put through later, so we don't get paid until after. Also, it takes a while for some fml's to be posted, so this one probably wasn't posted today. Or OP could've used a credit card to get the presents and now isn't getting paid to pay off the credit card and has to return said gifts (which you can't fit to say in the post, although I do doubt that possibility)

Believe it or not, a lot of people live paycheck to paycheck. Maybe they didn't want to wait until last minute to do Christmas shopping; maybe the last check just didn't allow for it.

Paycheck to paycheck sucked. I got out of it by putting $20 a week away in a saving account. Discipline yourself and pretend like it's a bill. These days I can miss three months of work before running out of cash. But, it took me over a year to build up that much.

Also, a lot of people don't post their FMLs the DAY something shitty happened to them. "Today" is one of the rules for getting published. This could have happened last week. Then there's however long it takes to get moderator approval...

I had to....i get paid weekly and have to plan my spending around bills. So I had to plan it so that the paycheck I got last week would be the one I spent on Christmas....not everyone has the luxury of being able to spend that kind of money without proper planning.