Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for seven years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
friedbunnies 9
If it doesn't scare the cat, you aren't doing it right...
Ckeaschz 4
well i dunno but i dont think crabs are solely an STD.. it is one of em but theyre friggin bugs man you can get em from wherever i suppose
OsirisFaction_fml 5
Apparently you married a *****.
betteryouthanmeb 0
Forget to mention u get obnoxiously black out drunk and buy escorts ?
Knarf_fml 10
Or did you pick em up from a toilet seat? lol Can't trust your wife, that sucks!
iluvdavid 3
Well thats crabby ;)
Cam_eron 0
how have u not had sex till marriage? loser
XxXrawriloveuXxX 5
My bad "wife" ******* autocorrect
XxXrawriloveuXxX 5
I'm so sorry ... Ur wides a *****
sueannpalma 7
I heard you can get them from sitting on a public toilet
JustJaredfied 0
Well someone as a lot of explaining to do.