Work: Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there...

By saraleerocha - 02/11/2010 06:20 - France

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 786

You deserved it 14 281

Work

Our house, in the middle of our street

Mama's boy

Stuck

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 176

You deserved it 3 237

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 12:18

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 160

Fun is overrated

By Jess56 - 06/09/2019 06:01 - United States

Today, I met the exchange student who will be living with us for a year. As we were talking, she told me that she doesn't like reading, writing, drawing, athletics, watching television or listening to music. What does she like to do during her free time? Study. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 227

Dad, no, enough!

By Tooyoungforthis - 04/01/2013 00:34 - United States - Arvada

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 358

You deserved it 2 288

By LeChameauTrisomique - 14/03/2014 04:33 - France - Saint-germain-de-la-grange

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 533

You deserved it 8 922

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:53 - United States - Naples

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 710

You deserved it 4 617

By minette08 - 29/01/2010 21:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 030

You deserved it 3 052

Overreact much?!

By Kohsukeff - 06/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, my dad called me a "worthless human being", and told me that I'm "better off committing crimes and living life in a prison cell", all because I haven't gotten into the industry I studied for right out of college. I'm currently at a temp job doing accounting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 56

By mylovelifeisanepicfail - 12/03/2015 13:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 684

You deserved it 3 870

By Emil - 20/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I was caught stealing a video game. I realized after my parents were called that the case was actually empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 058

You deserved it 89 973

By wwasmer - 27/02/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 788

You deserved it 16 858

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 10:12 - Malta - Qormi

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 105

You deserved it 5 965

By SummerGirl0009 - 23/08/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I discovered that the medicated eye drops I have been taking to fight a mild eye infection show up under black lights when I walked into a party and the whole left side of my face was glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 073

You deserved it 3 775

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 12:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 186

You deserved it 1 279

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - 11/09/2015 05:57 - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 403

You deserved it 4 877

By Anonymous - 20/01/2013 02:55 - Canada

Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 734

You deserved it 9 657

By j - 18/04/2016 22:24 - United States

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 499

You deserved it 4 563

By Christopher Tobler - 26/04/2019 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 435

By notyourcleaner - 13/01/2015 11:06 - Malaysia - Puchong

Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 026

You deserved it 2 669

By emeraldapostle - 25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 792

You deserved it 557

By jelrid - 13/07/2016 04:38 - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 863

You deserved it 3 912

By the un-loved child - 28/07/2013 22:34 - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 603

You deserved it 3 956

Catfished!

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 05:56

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 198

Oops.

By Marcilor001 - 10/08/2018 20:30

Today, I realized I have a weight problem. My brother excitedly showed me his new high-end scale and measured his weight, then our other brothers. I took one step on it and the screen read "E". It then shut off and hasn't turned on since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 609

You deserved it 695

By Oh Cock - 10/10/2015 15:15 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, I realised just how much my favourite pornstar looks like my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 058

You deserved it 7 898

Work > Love

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 02:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, four months after my crush told me he liked me, a day ago he told me he’d lose his job if he dates me, so he's now blocked me and avoids me when we work together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 99

By Misterhippo - 02/09/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 969

You deserved it 3 066

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 660

Just BFF things

By slumber party for two - 06/08/2020 08:02

Today, my best friend came to visit from out of state. We had lunch, painted our nails and fell asleep sipping wine and watching movies. It was a perfect girl’s day. My boyfriend is now irrationally angry, because according to him it’s not fair that I can have a girl sleep over and he can’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 427

By clubber - 04/11/2008 04:16 - Switzerland

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 236

You deserved it 9 012

Masked Singer

By ted_the_interpreter - 22/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Corona

Today, I was in a video conference with my coworkers. They started arguing so much that I decided to turn off my video and started chanting ,"Let it be over, let it be over... Let me go!" The boss finally stoped everybody to comment, "We can hear you." I hadn't turned my mic off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 271

By Anonymous - 18/08/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 482

You deserved it 64 143

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 8 881

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 360

You deserved it 4 687

By gutted - 21/04/2011 08:33 - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 420

You deserved it 3 527

By crazystuff23 - 01/06/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 598

You deserved it 5 815

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, is my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring it to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 463

You deserved it 2 903

By peace_lost - 29/06/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 695

You deserved it 16 125

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 05:28 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 935

You deserved it 2 769

By Anonymous - 17/06/2019 20:48

Today, I'd finished cleaning the interior of my vehicle, but seconds later, a stray cat jumped in through the other opened door, and took a dump right in the center of the mat inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 150

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Top comments

iheartglasses 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:22

But she never said anything? Or anyone else in line? This is totally funny :)

matt692009 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:24

i remember a midget at my school was being yelled at to stand up repeatably, she was already standing, but so shy she cudnt talk.

steffie11 2

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:21

how awkward!

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:31

OP must be *puts on glasses* short sighted YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

missmurderx 8

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:42

I thoroughly enjoyed that pun, 10, thank you.

mycookiezz 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:44

Did she get short with u? lol, I feel horrible about that.

trueblue42 4

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:47

at least she wasn't short tempered

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:59

She really drew the short straw :)

IphonFML 6

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 13:11

all terrible but # 10

cantfightfate 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 13:42

that's awkward. why wouldn't she say anything?

Timmo_fml 2

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 14:37

It would be ironic if it was the Queen and you had to call her Royal Highness.

WishResign 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 15:47

kinda, but that's not op's fault. not everyone expects to encounter a small person, she should've spoke up for herself.

FLCL4711Fox 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 21:29

you should've stared her in the face and said "oh, I'm sorry! we don't serve your kind here. NEXT!" and when she tried to be cool and say "I'm gonna be the bigger person here" you could interrupt her and be like "you could clearly never do that" of course I'm assuming you don't want your job anymore.

rallets 22

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 22:09

lmfao #10 and #94

hOcKeYjOcK23 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 6:57

very awkward!

iheartglasses 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:22

But she never said anything? Or anyone else in line? This is totally funny :)

Iskaria 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 13:42

I agree she should of spoken up or it's all her fault :p

eternalsunlight 5

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 14:20

Maybe she did but her voice didn't make it over the counter or alternatively the cashier could have just kept shouting over the top of her.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 20:43

I laughed at "over the top of her." >.<

matt692009 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:24

i remember a midget at my school was being yelled at to stand up repeatably, she was already standing, but so shy she cudnt talk.

klutzycleo 5

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:34

BWAHAHAHAHA ! This made me wanna roll on the floor laughing. Pity I'm at work :/

RebelHeart7 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 14:46

ahahahahahah

desigirl2010 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 14:48

awwwww I would pick her up n give her a hug!

resinnet 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 17:47

Same thing happened to a midget in my class too! The teacher didn't even apologize.

Laurendorcus 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 17:52

that is so sad! who was yelling at her?

matt692009 0

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Wednesday 3 November 2010 11:20

the relieving teacher :P

Crazy_Toss3R 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:24

did she jump up and punch you in the face?

maskedman 9

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 15:55

No, she jumped up and hit the OP in the kneecap.

rowannn 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 19:51

lol at 61 instant classic

harry_potter_luv 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:25

that's awkward haha

chloec16 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 12:26

poor midget lady!!

chloec16 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 13:02

because being a midget would suck. but I guess if you were a midget you wouldve learned by now that she sometimes can't be seen behind large things haha