Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I was bitched out at 2 a.m. by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML
Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML
Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
zilfy 17
How can you even stand someone like this?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Real respectful boyfriend you got there.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
warped_executive 16
Call him one back
fashionbug9880 22
And you're with him.... why?
8Dirty1 24
Damn, that is Ruthless. You have no heart
OhWait_fml 6
If you didn't dump his ass over that we have a problem
mynameischarles 13
You should show how much of a ruthless bitch you are by breaking his pipe in half
wordygirl 11
You should have called him a ruthless dick for not having it in his pocket.
orios105 18
y is he your boyfriend. gonna let him year u like that.
fuckpotato 12
#18, Is that English you're speaking?
C_Ramirez1695 12
I... I... I think it's trying to communicate.
beeferjay 34
he doesn't know how to make a pipe out of a soda can? or tinfoil? or fruit? or a gravity bong in the tub? stoner level: dweeb
ohSNAPyall 27
Or look for the pipe himself.
beeferjay 34
adapt and overcome
HollyQuinn 21
Wow. What a nice dude.
Red_Curls1995 28
And what do you see in him? He sounds like an asshole