Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML
Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML
Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML
Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML
Today, I was at a wedding and I reluctantly joined the dance floor. As soon as I started dancing, I felt my trousers rip. Trying to save face, I kept dancing, hoping no one would notice. A few minutes later, I realized my silk boxer shorts were completely visible to the entire party. FML
Today, while at a club, I walked up to a cutie who had been eyeing me all night. I asked him "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?". He simply replied "It's a phone" before walking away. FML
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML
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Top comments
pewp 5
well, im assuming you are in high school since you went to a dance. so you may not have learned this quite yet, when you rub up on a guy's d*ck, it gets hard. what did you think you were rubbing up on when you were grinding with him? and what do you mean you stood up? were you laying down and grinding?
citylights 0
hhahahahahahahahahah
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Comments (100)
coffeentea 0
That's an FML? Sounds like a regular guy talking while high on testosterone.
MCart_fml 0
#2 is right on, great cover line though... so mean it would work every time.
Yunie_fml 0
@ $5: It's not that hard to understand. His underwear and pants weren't thick enough. Hell, he could've easily been going commando.
adelaide_evening 0
Maybe it wasn't the hard-on that made her step away, but if she felt something moving, maybe she thought he was about to ****. I don't think someone would step away from someone who they're grinding with because they think he has a hard-on, since that kind of is the whole point of grinding.
Kitten125 0
I would never give him anything ever again. Teach him to talk to you like that.... asshole. :P
Diarrhea_Volcano 29
What the hell are you reading
cuttybuddy 0
#4 is so obviously correct. don't grind on someone and then get offended when he gets excited. thats like sticking your hand in the garbage disposal while its on and getting upset when your hand gets cut off. what did you think was gonna happen?
Renae123 0
Lol nicely said.
choppedNskrewed 0
lol @17
kandy_fml 0
He was probably lying. Guys will say anything to get out of the embarrassment of being caught with a boner.
itchyballs 0
I wanna **** u #20
Miss_the_Man 0
Eeeehm, swhut?
imkool136 22
If you were grinding up on me, I wouldn't come up with some stupid excuse, I'd straight up tell you, ya, sorry, you're hot, you have an ass...
RoyalMGN 8
I get boners from reading history books it's random tbh
Edmund_Dantes 0
#19 there's a big difference between touching and grinding. Grinding is dry humping, which is the specific motion for which we are biologically inclined to get aroused. And assuming this is high school, or possibly junior high, it's understandable for the guy to be embarrassed about his reaction. Because teenagers are idiots and don't really understand what's going on.
69_jackson_69 0
First of all, here, grinding is a circular/side to side motion. And **** you for being a stereotyping asshole against teenagers. But usually being racist I can tolerate. And I don't live in Texas.
FoundManyLemons 0
Don't tell us you were actually afraid that it was his ****.