Miscellaneous: Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil.... - FML

By Delicious - 21/03/2016 02:09 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 499

You deserved it 7 106

You tried

Our house, in the middle of our street

Empathy lives

By ohshit - 07/03/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 708

You deserved it 5 638

By Jessi - 24/07/2012 18:33 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 345

You deserved it 3 074

By catattack78 - 21/10/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 990

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 900

You deserved it 62 987

All in the family

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 02:02

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 80

By fubuggie - 14/06/2013 05:57 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, while working the register, a known mentally-unstable man approached me. He ended up telling me that the Statue of Liberty is sexist and a screw-up by Washington. When I told him that the French made it, he told me to shut up and complained to my manager. He knows me by name now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 477

You deserved it 5 018

By nosebleeder - 13/02/2013 20:31 - Sweden

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 8 754

By Bawsack - 06/04/2017 00:00

Today, I dyed my hair. It was all going well, until I forgot I had a head full of product and scratched an itch. I didn't realise my mistake until later, and now have to replace my six-month old sofa because it has a huge stain that alternates from purple to bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 338

You deserved it 3 039

By mtorres8789 - 27/06/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 846

You deserved it 80 473

By Anonymous - 09/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife asked me to come talk to her in the bedroom. Thinking she wanted to have a quickie while her sister was spending time with our son, I rushed into the room. She didn't want a quickie, she wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 859

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 573

You deserved it 2 929

Speed racer

By ZThirteen - 25/10/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 119

You deserved it 28 686

By Anonymous - 14/02/2018 08:30

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine's Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who's newly single right before Valentine's Day! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 470

You deserved it 559

Most good songs are

By Cicie - 27/01/2017 03:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I discovered that one of my favourite, relatable sad songs is actually a song about gay sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 603

You deserved it 1 889

By whatjusthappened - 21/07/2014 15:58 - United States - Norman

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 770

You deserved it 16 018

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 03:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today my wife came home and said "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened". She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her did not. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3 inch hole in the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 391

You deserved it 226

Stuck

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 06:57 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 131

By blububble412 - 22/01/2015 03:46 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 955

You deserved it 2 449

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I've been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 795

You deserved it 234

By sadbride - 26/10/2012 03:58 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 191

You deserved it 3 615

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 526

You deserved it 90 697

By Anonymous - 01/02/2013 22:13 - Romania - Cluj-napoca

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 044

You deserved it 4 026

By creepedouthostess - 17/06/2009 07:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 349

You deserved it 3 102

One law for thee…

By Jules - 03/03/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my country’s health minister said on TV, "Stay home! Don’t travel, don’t meet people!" The same evening, he drove to another state to have dinner with a group of people who gave money to his political party. He had taken a COVID test before. It came back positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 102

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 666

You deserved it 4 169

By grizzlybear - 27/06/2011 05:55 - Mexico

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 015

You deserved it 6 967

By Unlucky - 09/10/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 591

You deserved it 4 936

By owwie - 13/02/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 516

You deserved it 6 062

By churchgoer - 20/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 576

You deserved it 9 540

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 03:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 281

You deserved it 34 942

By pigtails - 16/01/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 363

You deserved it 3 219

By Cinderstar95 - 28/12/2016 09:34 - United States - Schererville

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 268

You deserved it 424

By scared for life - 29/01/2012 16:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 024

You deserved it 2 531

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 22:00

Today, my dad is refusing to let me marry my fiancé because he said no when my dad asked for a loan of £10,000 to help clear some gambling debts. Apparently that shows my fiancé has poor family values and will be a bad father and an alcoholic husband. Impressive logical thinking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 540

You deserved it 333

Rampage

By emmalou - 16/09/2021 08:01

Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 95

Cold reading

By Anonymous - 06/12/2014 21:52 - Belgium

Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 3 596

By emancipate me - 15/05/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 147

You deserved it 1 466

By payne - 04/01/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 6 192

By anonymous - 14/12/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 388

You deserved it 6 201

By Marian - 23/03/2009 19:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 598

You deserved it 9 000

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:16

Couldn't you have checked before using it? YDI

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:19

At least you'll be fly free for the rest of the day.

Comments

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:16

Ew

AliGInTheHouse 24

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Monday 21 March 2016 20:55

What an insightful comment.

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:16

Couldn't you have checked before using it? YDI

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:36

Obviously that was possible, although OP doesn't specify that it was an accident it seems very likely.

Marcella1016 31

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:45

I don't agree that OP deserved that but...who keeps those two things near each other?? Also hoping OP relied their mistake before they put the muffin batter in lol

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Monday 21 March 2016 18:48

The fly spray can must look very similar to the oil bottle other than that I can't think of another reason why OP got them mixed up

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 21 March 2016 19:24

You can get olive oil in spray cans and they do look kind of similar to some brands of fly spray so I can easily imagine such a brain fart moment if someone didn't put the fly spray away in the right cupboard.

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:16

I hope you didn't eat those muffins.

_Just_My_Luck 15

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:17

At least flies won't be on your muffins right..?

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:18

Good job

gamermonster 34

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:18

Good morning OP

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:19

At least you'll be fly free for the rest of the day.

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:20

YDI OP. Fly spray and olive oil have two very different smells.

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 21 March 2016 19:25

Yes, but by the time you get to smell it, it's too late. Or do you go around sniffing the nozzle of every can to be sure of what it is?

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Monday 21 March 2016 21:37

unless you're as high as a kite, there's no reason for you to "accidentally" use bug spray instead of olive oil. Besides, if you just sprayed it, then just wash it.

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Monday 21 March 2016 22:14

Have you ever smelled fly spray? There's no way you can miss it. It has a very strong smell. I use fly spray on my horses.

watermelon15 35

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:21

At least you didn't wreck the muffins! You could still wash the tray or use another tray.

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Monday 21 March 2016 16:22

guest: These chocolate chips are tasty, where do you buy them? you: What chocolate chips?

hellobobismyname 24

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Monday 21 March 2016 22:59

I don't think you understand what fly spray is supposed to do... Flies will be the one ingredient least likely to be found in the baked goods.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 1 028

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 1 169