Today, while at work I got a complaint from a guest. She complained... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 22:46 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, while at work I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending 2 hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML

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Or he's just becoming an old goober

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Weird kid

By AnnaNick - 14/2/2010 02:19 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

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By Nuttree - 1/8/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2016 12:00 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

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By Bucks9 - 7/5/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

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By tee - 15/8/2016 13:54 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I found out people are suspicious of me at work because I do a good job. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 00:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

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By anonymous - 25/11/2014 03:25 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

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By CatLady - 24/8/2009 13:38 - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 17:20 - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

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By JimmyT - 3/3/2013 22:21 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

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By JennyAndrews - 5/12/2009 08:44 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

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By singleagain - 24/8/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

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By ChubbyPanda - 8/8/2016 22:49

Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy and walk home. Now my thighs are numb from rubbing together. FML

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By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

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By fuckdubstep51 - 21/7/2012 22:49 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

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By Noname - 10/3/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

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By NevertheKool - 7/5/2015 21:43 - United States - Union City

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

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By benjamin03 - 5/7/2016 16:34 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML

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By workworkwork - 26/11/2011 01:37 - United States

Today, after working for over ten years at a dead-end factory line, I told my friends I was going to take some business courses and land myself a real job. All they've done since is laugh, mock me, and say that if Clinton couldn't fix the economy, I have no chance. FML

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By givemestrength - 14/8/2014 10:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

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By Franklin - 18/12/2017 19:00

Size isn't everything!

Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I am a 230-pound former soldier. He is a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2017 12:00

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 20:36 - Mexico

Today, my blanket got caught on my nose ring and it took my boyfriend over an hour to get it free. Afterwards, he admitted he was trying not to laugh because it reminded him of a bullfight. FML

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By Eve - 25/8/2017 13:00

Today, I learned that there's a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML

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By ohcrap - 2/8/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

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By dancerr2210 - 9/6/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

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By nosonofmine - 23/6/2012 17:43 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

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By gmnesbitt - 7/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

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By the forgotten one - 30/1/2012 03:01 - United States

Today, my grandfather sent everyone in my family an email thanking them for the photo we got him. I'd bought the frame, edited the picture, and delivered it to him. All everyone else did was show up and complain while the picture was being taken. I'm the only one who didn't get a thank you email. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2012 00:27 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

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By idiot says pussy - 21/1/2014 17:43 - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

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By pissed_off_girl - 1/4/2013 02:59 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2018 05:00

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

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By MarieAmber18 - 28/5/2015 18:05 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2010 18:19 - United States

Today, I found out my dad spent most of the $500 I earned from mowing lawns on an Xbox 360 for himself. He was the one who encouraged me to put the money in the bank for college and to learn responsibility. I'm 14 years old. He's 37. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2011 00:04 - Reserved

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2016 08:34 - United Kingdom - Bromsgrove

Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML

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Top comments

By TheNoNameGuy | 20

#6563937 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:02

Fyl OP. She should've worn an asshat if she didn't want her hair wet at a water park.

By Grisha_fml | 18

#6563944 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:07

you shouldn't be at a waterpark if your hairdo takes 2 hours.
LMAO

COMMENTS

By TheNoNameGuy | 20

#6563937 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:02

Fyl OP. She should've worn an asshat if she didn't want her hair wet at a water park.

Reply

gamermonster | 34

#6564054 - Monday 21 March 2016 16:20

I think wearing OP on your head would be to heavy...

*drowns in sarcasm*

Reply

IDontKnowWhoIAm04 | 24

#6564328 - Monday 21 March 2016 22:05

Err.... If you think she would wear an asshat to keep her hair from getting wet, I am thinking we must have different ideas on which hair she got done...

(I am obviously joking ?)

Reply

IDontKnowWhoIAm04 | 24

#6564332 - Monday 21 March 2016 22:06

My apologies, I meant to type an exclamation point instead of a question mark.

By taylorbrown97 | 23

#6563938 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:02

The worst part of working in customer or guest services is dealing with thoughtless, entitled people. I feel for you.

By AyeJay101 | 25

#6563939 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:02

Guess she wasn't thirsty... Oops

Reply

A07 | 48

#6563983 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:46

That makes no sense whatsoever

Reply

AyeJay101 | 25

#6564316 - Monday 21 March 2016 21:39

Made sense in the morning... Guess I was still half asleep.

By Grisha_fml | 18

#6563944 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:07

you shouldn't be at a waterpark if your hairdo takes 2 hours.
LMAO

By LPac5295 | 27

#6563945 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:10

Why the hell was she at a waterpark if she spent that much time getting her hair ready? unless the wedding was at the waterpark but that wouldn't make much sense.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6564029 - Monday 21 March 2016 15:51

That would be awesome!

Reply

GrainHauler | 9

#6564067 - Monday 21 March 2016 16:29

I'd love to have a wedding at a water park

Reply

WPMorons | 6

#6583092 - Monday 18 April 2016 20:44

If I got a dollar for every question like yours I'd be rich. But no, I haven't got a clue why she was there and why she thought it would be a wonderful idea to come to water park -.-

And yeah that sounds like an awesome idea!

By ThatLastKid | 21

#6563946 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:11

Why would she be at a water park when she is getting ready for a wedding?

Reply

WPMorons | 6

#6583095 - Monday 18 April 2016 20:46

If I had a clue why she was here during that day. I would let you know in a heartbeat because her thinking would be god damn hilarious

By Danne696 | 14

#6563955 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:18

I wouldn't worry, if the other customers also heard why she called you a "pathetic asshat" they would likely come to the conclusion that she was wrong and/or stupid.

By Tomryan279 | 10

#6563957 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:19

I would have responded sucks to be you, what did expect at a WATER PARK!!!

Reply

jimeple | 12

#6564011 - Monday 21 March 2016 15:33

Yeah but some people have to keep there job

Reply

Tomryan279 | 10

#6564019 - Monday 21 March 2016 15:41

But you have to earn respect

Reply

askullnamedbilly | 33

#6564103 - Monday 21 March 2016 17:14

If respect paid your bills, no one would voluntarily work in customer service jobs.

Reply

derperbear | 8

#6564267 - Monday 21 March 2016 20:39

Hello Power Company, I would like to pay my bill. I have R400.

Sorry we don't accept respect as payment.

By hipposteve | 21

#6563968 - Monday 21 March 2016 14:34

what a moron

By Mpii | 11

#6563991 - Monday 21 March 2016 15:03

Don't you know op, it's YOUR fault for being an employee there. And since it's your fault it's suddenly sociqlly acceptable to cuss you out for some reason.

Seriously some people need to pipe down....