Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to...

By Blizzards - 14/07/2013 05:29 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 185

You deserved it 3 399

Blizzards tells us more.

Blizzards 13

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Sunday 14 July 2013 22:26

OP here, he was behind me the whole time (he blamed it on his sister). Thankfully, he only pulled it down enough to expose my butt. I pulled my trunks up, but I didn't say anything and just acted as if he wasn't there.

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

When nature calls

One-sided

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 669

By SugarMyBalls - 19/12/2012 23:31 - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 430

You deserved it 3 138

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 14 669

By Idi - 09/12/2008 12:54 - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 113

You deserved it 8 435

By owwie - 13/02/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 512

You deserved it 6 060

His house, his rules?

By kikajsns - 29/04/2021 07:59

Today, it’s been a week since my dad has decided I’m only allowed to sleep with my door open. Guess how long it’s been since I’ve slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 81

By grossew - 26/06/2019 07:00

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 291

By Mack - 09/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 565

You deserved it 6 118

By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 00:53 - United States - Cranston

Today, I had to listen to my boss say "Arabica beans" in a goofy, fake New England accent every time the McDonald's ice coffee commercial came on the radio. I worked a 12-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 689

You deserved it 3 257

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 393

You deserved it 12 156

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 02:09 - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 687

You deserved it 2 463

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 881

You deserved it 10 934

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 422

You deserved it 3 283

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 07:18 - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 992

You deserved it 4 635

By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 325

By Megan - 26/03/2013 19:04 - United States

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 512

You deserved it 4 310

By Anonymous - 10/03/2011 22:28 - United States

Today, I overheard a little girl ask her mom if the round lady in purple was pretending to be a giant eggplant. I was the lady in purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 189

You deserved it 9 614

By valarmorgoolies - 06/02/2015 18:51 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 734

You deserved it 3 010

By kashish0711 - 02/08/2009 16:14 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 602

You deserved it 3 162

By orely44 - 08/03/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 594

You deserved it 9 569

By paris78 - 18/10/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a happy meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 836

You deserved it 4 131

Manly men fighting

By Anonymous - 05/06/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and had a fistfight with a dumb teenager, which was bad enough, but he also lost the fight, which was just pathetic and embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 238

By skippy_liz - 26/10/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 8 876

By unsatisfied - 01/02/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 680

You deserved it 3 879

By Suzie Leone - 24/01/2012 03:21 - United States

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 421

You deserved it 2 694

By and the truth comes out - 22/07/2014 08:44 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 888

You deserved it 7 607

By MLS - 14/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 302

You deserved it 5 339

By Anonymous - 13/08/2015 04:39 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 404

You deserved it 5 728

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 990

You deserved it 5 554

TMI

By Grossedouttt - 04/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 303

You deserved it 3 694

By Anonymous - 27/08/2012 07:29 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 392

You deserved it 10 175

By Clunker - 24/10/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 855

You deserved it 3 951

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 14:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 723

You deserved it 19 847

By iSamsung - 06/03/2016 14:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to make new friends, so I sat with the lonely guy at lunch. Now he keeps following me, with his phone in a camera position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 670

You deserved it 2 475

By LeftOut - 13/04/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 487

You deserved it 4 828

By Brennan Lebrun - 18/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 825

You deserved it 337

By saywhat - 09/04/2013 11:05 - United States - Yakima

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 167

You deserved it 12 224

By Anonymous - 23/01/2014 21:49 - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 733

You deserved it 5 160

By Trew Love - 03/05/2016 06:25 - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, it's my birthday. I called my mom to thank her for the gift she'd sent. She was surprised and said, "Oh I thought you were waiting to open it." She ended the conversation with, "OK, I'll call you on your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 027

You deserved it 1 353

Jekyll and Hyde

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 10:01

Today, I found out my "nice" boss was only nice to me for my first month. She's now started yelling at me for every little thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 66

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Top comments

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:43

What did he find?

luhar 7

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:44

Simple. Yank his pants down and spartan kick him in the chest as hard as you can to project your manliness.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:43

What did he find?

oj101 33

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:49

An udder. Poor kid, he'll be scarred for life.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:51

What?! That is udderly preposterous!

oj101 33

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:53

Randomness is not everyone's cup of toaster.

omgitsmoe 26

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Sunday 14 July 2013 18:22

Did he like what he saw ?

InfamousRaider 15

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Sunday 14 July 2013 18:24

You automatically assume that the kid was a boy. It could've been a girl.

Blazinthatshit 9

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Sunday 14 July 2013 19:17

Uh no.. an udder is part of a cow.. and cows are all females.. bulls are male. So they were saying shes a female, actually.

Blazinthatshit 9

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Sunday 14 July 2013 19:21

Ignore my comment.. I read the person-above-me's comment wrong and didn't have enough time to edit my previous comment. Sorry.

Mossears133 15

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Sunday 14 July 2013 19:30

37- When someone says " kid" it's generally a boy. You usually just say "girl" if it a girl.

suboy 10

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Sunday 14 July 2013 21:16

This fml is way to vague. Cant figure out the gender of OP or the kid.

TayonaC 10

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Sunday 14 July 2013 22:10

well because op said bathing suit, I think its okay to assume they are female. most guys would say trunks. and that would make he child a boy...

Jelbeztok 17

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Sunday 14 July 2013 23:26

they were both guys.

lloyd123 17

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Monday 15 July 2013 19:26

i could help! :p

ygdrassil 17

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Thursday 18 July 2013 15:13

Am I the only one who can see the male sign at the top of the FML? OP's a guy.

ns1985 15

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:43

Did what he see satisfy his curiosity?

hemz_fml 13

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Sunday 14 July 2013 17:00

That's ma boy!

chickenwingz 5

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:44

Did you impress?

jnanderson 16

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Sunday 14 July 2013 22:11

It went okay

luhar 7

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:44

Simple. Yank his pants down and spartan kick him in the chest as hard as you can to project your manliness.

Tthug 34

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Sunday 14 July 2013 17:21

Assuming OP is a person of moderate strength, that would most likely kill the child. I assume your comment is somewhat in jest, but if you touch someone's child, they're bound to show up instantly and threaten to sue you for being a pervert, if not seriously injuring their child.

luhar 7

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Sunday 14 July 2013 17:29

IT'S A JOKE

blankjack 6

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Sunday 14 July 2013 17:35

Threatening to sue.. Just another day in the USA..

watchme 11

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Sunday 14 July 2013 17:58

I think it's a girl cause OP said bathing suit and most guys would just say trunks or something.

SumBur 11

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Sunday 14 July 2013 18:06

Oh, Buzz Killington. I didn't see you there.

CoGhostRider 31

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Sunday 14 July 2013 19:45

If someone spartan kicked my child I can assure you I would not threaten to sue. I would Luke Skywalker that sucker

IworkAt711 14

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Monday 15 July 2013 10:15

46- I dont see how getting your hand cut off and kissing your sister would do anything.

mif_fml 27

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:44

I hope it didn't scare the child..

olpally 32

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:45

I hope you pulled them back up and cut in front of him/her and went down the slide before him/her. What a little shit.

Tthug 34

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Sunday 14 July 2013 17:02

Nope, OP totally just went in their birthday suit for the rest of the day...

jnanderson 16

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Sunday 14 July 2013 22:15

Thats what i would do @20

Blizzards 13

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Sunday 14 July 2013 22:26

olpally 32

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Sunday 14 July 2013 22:43

Good job op! Lol. Glad it wasn't that bad then!

Fedezzer 20

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Monday 15 July 2013 6:21

"Trunks". Well that's certainly settled a few disputes, most people are under the impression you're a girl. It's probably just wishful thinking.

AninOnin 24

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Monday 15 July 2013 8:11

Maybe. I'm a girl and I wear swim trunks xD Edit: Ah, OP is a guy! Didn't see his later response to #19.

SparklyCuntt 12

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Monday 15 July 2013 8:41

women were swim trunks too dumbass. but yeah op is a guy.

SparklyCuntt 12

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Monday 15 July 2013 8:42

*wear

kitty292 9

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Monday 15 July 2013 13:36

Now the question is.... Why doesn't a 10 year old boy know what is down there? Since OP is a guy.

blondie1205829 8

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Monday 15 July 2013 15:38

The op is a boy

Fedezzer 20

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Monday 15 July 2013 21:58

Leave it be #70, that's my job.

Smoldering 15

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 6:42

Can't they see the gender sign in the left corner? #66 how can they miss it?

Lacist 19

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 20:13

There was none before.

Risho96 10

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 23:39

@76 Maybe the "little kid" was a girl?

ZombieInConverse 13

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Sunday 14 July 2013 16:45

Where the hell were his parents?

Tthug 34

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Sunday 14 July 2013 17:18

Probably somewhere else...relaxing, not following their child around at a pool. Depending on the pool, lots of parents let their kids do their own thing and they sit there and relax.