Intimacy: Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about... - FML

By VampiresSayRawr - 28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 704

You deserved it 9 786

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 505

You deserved it 6 853

By eakthegeek - 10/01/2012 09:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 426

You deserved it 6 902

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Spicy

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 913

You deserved it 10 182

Actor's Studio

By darthmilfious - 31/03/2010 07:56 - France

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 677

You deserved it 69 094

You've tried this before, right?

By xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 545

You deserved it 3 800

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 968

You deserved it 62 450

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 130

You deserved it 8 212

By apparently inexperienced - 11/09/2012 16:54 - United States - Brockton

Spicy

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 6 483

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Spicy

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 464

You deserved it 6 665

By princess - 12/04/2014 21:01 - United States - San Marcos

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 560

You deserved it 7 159

Next

Top comments

dlogsr 1

Saturday 28 March 2009 11:13

maybe because you called it "intercourse".

danza_fml 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 10:49

30 seconds? No comment.

Comments

wowwcaazoww 0

Friday 17 July 2009 17:53

what are you talking about #16?! how can you even compare erectile disfunction to not wanting a dick up your ass?

tonyhenz 0

Monday 12 April 2010 0:40

well that's ur own damn fault. stfu. turn ur guy on then

psymon_fml 0

Monday 4 October 2010 4:45

dump his chump @ss. l!mp d!ck b@st@rd!

Lgardner 0

Friday 7 January 2011 21:00

Dump him

aandfgirlie45 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 9:41

oh my..

reversezebra 0

Tuesday 3 May 2011 22:11

heh..

cheygirl 0

Tuesday 12 July 2011 11:00

well 30 seconds... tell him to hold off for a couple minutes on the **** he's obviously not attracted to you.

Random1Here 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 6:15

How is it his fault? She posted the fml not him.

Kap10 0

Monday 29 August 2011 18:17

Id be embarrased if i was him.

aparent3576 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 14:40

Rip his balls off, then ask him how he'll keep his erection now.

8
9
10
11
12

Keywords

Neighbours Cops Weird Miscellaneous Scary Stressed out Parents Health Transportation Cars Embarrassing Work My ex LGBTQIA+ First Dates Love Facebook Social Media Sex Intimacy Virginity Painful School Dating Tinder Awkward Coworkers AITA Jealousy Anxiety

The Top

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 225

You deserved it 4 768

Today, I'd planned a DIY 'treat yourself' spa day at home. I put on a face mask and settled to relax in a bubble bath. Just as I was getting out of the tub, I slipped on the wet floor and crashed into the wall, leaving a perfect imprint of the face mask on the tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 113

The Top

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fish. My coworker named them what I thought were completely random names. I said, "Those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kids' names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 591

You deserved it 32 358

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 688

You deserved it 2 832

Today, while working at my new job at a surgery center, I noticed how odd it was that the room began to smell like fried chicken. I thought it smelt pretty good, until I learned it was actually the smell of someone getting their ear cauterized. I enjoyed the smell of someone's burning ear flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 1 753

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 917

You deserved it 7 615

Today, as I was getting my mail, I noticed I'd received a free coupon from a baby supply store, saying, "Congratulations on your pregnancy!" Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I live with. All she had to say was, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 113

You deserved it 17 318

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 266

You deserved it 7 965