Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I confessed to my husband that after having my eating disorder under control the last two years, I've relapsed the last three months. He responded by telling me to keep it up, because he wants to have the hottest wife out of all his friends. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to start controlling my drinking and he told me pretty much that he didn’t think I could do it. FML
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, during our wedding, my new husband said that he’d divorce me if I “let myself go.” Later, he couldn’t understand why I'd got upset and told me, “Why are you so worked up for? If you don’t want that to happen, just eat healthy and exercise daily, it's not that hard.” FML
Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me grief about my drinking. This would be fine, if he were sober. FML
Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML
Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML
Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying, "It's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too." The picture was from Saturday night. FML
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Top comments
gntfmlingnow 12
If he wasn't sober, you'd look like a supermodel anyways
mackenzie2323 5
So he wants you to look sickly and starved?
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Comments (123)
leadman1989 16
Tell him when he has a six pack, chiseled chin, he grows out his penis to 9 no 11 inches, and becomes super rich then it's no problem. Until then he can stop close lining that poor jogger.
EvilDave 13
If she didn't want a drunk she shouldn't have married a drunk. Or, to put it in your own terms: When she has a pretty face, a flat stomach, a nice round ass, tight pussy, and becomes super rich then he will stop drinking. Until then, she should lay off the nagging and the donuts.
rhysfucker 24
Nice jogger reference, leadman. Way to cross reference!
leadman1989 16
1. She could have married him sober 2. She could have those things but him not wanting to give up his booze makes him take it to an extreme. And say that as an excuse. And I kinda meant when she if she became supermodel like.
Lexxya 7
Sorry to hear you married an idiot taht can't even be sober for 1 week.
ElGranOrgo 0
I'm sorry that you can't spell
ICaughtFire 4
I'm sorry that you aren't able to recognize the difference between misspelling a word due to lack of knowledge and misspelling a word caused by typing too fast, making a typo. Don't be a dicktwat.
mrbuddy 0
If you think before you act you can type correctly. Or proof read. It's because they were in the emotional moment wanting to make their point over spelling correctly. If you can do both at once though, you're better than most.
je_suis_fml 11
who gives a shat TATH you guys are so critical over a damn typo.. fyl
nadhirah 4
Sounds like my ex bf....
ElGranOrgo 0
Sounds like you're not a supermodel
nadhirah 4
Far from it
jerico616 14
If he's drunk, then you WILL look like a supermodel to him!!! Win-Win!!!!
leadman1989 16
Do you know what win win means?
bdair 1
Like a boss !
onthetoilet 3
Why do you want him sober?
lmaoatall 6
Tell him, if getting drunk makes the person you're with look like a model, then I'm going to hit the hard stuff! Give it right back to him.
lazerus1974 8
Divorce is magical for a holes
afmch 0
He found what makes him happy (drinking). Keep him drunk and find yourself something to make you happier.
pinglol 5
I like that everyone assumes that OP means her husband drinks. He might be a pothead or a cocaine addict for all we know.
DocBastard 40
And that makes it better...how exactly?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
No one said it makes it better. It could be worse, so the FML is more FMLy.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
I don't understand why my comment was moderated. I don't think I said anything against the rules.
deviable 9
Maybe it's because sober is usually the term used for alcohol.
5t3ff1k4h 47
No, sober is the term used to describe someone who isn't under the influence of drugs of any kind, including alcohol.