Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
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Today my boyfriend overeats when he is upset, and normally keeps tight hold of his diet to control his weight. He assures me he’s happy about it, but since I told him I’m pregnant 3 weeks ago, he’s put on 28 pounds. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. Instead of being happy, he freaked out, then told me I was trying to "trap" him. We've been together for 12 years, and trying for 3. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML
Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should tell your idiot boyfriend that pretty much ALL babies are fat. Besides, he should be watching the baby's tushy jiggle. It's much cuter than the chin. Yes, I said "tushy". Yes, I have kids.
celiiceegee 6
And later you guys can watch his/her chin jiggle while she competes on the biggest loser.
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Comments (110)
Dcm210 19
Just feed the baby McDonald's.
PrincessLiLi_fml 7
Why is this an FML? Sounds like a great and adorable idea.
ViviMage 40
Perfect. Make the kid fat and unhealthy. Great dad
maz95 17
Lets hope your baby doesn't inherit your boyfriends brains..
BlondeBubbles 6
Hey, at least he's staying.
1dvs_bstd 41
...because of guys like your boyfriend, I do hope the world ends. It's painful how people could be so idiotic.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Explain the additional financial and health costs of diabetes.
vbmg152 19
All baby food is high calorie! It's the highest calorie food made!
miss_sqwert 19
Cute!!!! Better then those guys that find out there gf is pregnant and run off or say its not theres
winkydog4056 16
While I applaud daddy to be for his enthusiasm, Winky wonders how enthusiastic dad is going to be when his precious comes home crying from being teased and rejected. Wait, lets not forget about the doctor bills for diabetes, heart issues & the increase risk of infant death.