Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today my boyfriend overeats when he is upset, and normally keeps tight hold of his diet to control his weight. He assures me he’s happy about it, but since I told him I’m pregnant 3 weeks ago, he’s put on 28 pounds. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. Instead of being happy, he freaked out, then told me I was trying to "trap" him. We've been together for 12 years, and trying for 3. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML
Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should tell your idiot boyfriend that pretty much ALL babies are fat. Besides, he should be watching the baby's tushy jiggle. It's much cuter than the chin. Yes, I said "tushy". Yes, I have kids.
celiiceegee 6
And later you guys can watch his/her chin jiggle while she competes on the biggest loser.
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Comments (110)
limitedition 25
Could be worse OP. Just read the baby books with him 2 interested parents is a huge bonus for a baby.
sammyjanette 17
Would you rather have a fat happy baby that you have help with, or a skinny sad baby that is starving because you can't provide for it by yourself?
CharresBarkrey 16
Who says she can't provide for it by herself? You have no idea how successful or unsuccessful OP is in her career. It's pretty sexist and ignorant of you to say that. Also, a fat baby is not a happy baby. A fat baby is an unhealthy baby.
danielhartlesss 13
I don't know #41, I was a fat baby and I think I was pretty happy
youknowimright 5
Who says she is succesful enough? i think 41 is the sexist one. Statistically two parents are likely to make more than one single person combined. I would bet money 41 wouldnt have said anything if it was the bf who was the single parent. I love when someone publicly calls someone else out and shows their own racism/sexism/discriminatory thoughts in the process :)
Hyun18 5
A fat, unhealthy baby can be happy too lol. Unless its too much as to cause them disease or pain of course. When they get older is when they should start changing eating habits though..
Kg317 18
Well atleast he'll be there for the baby, and be a good dad
teriyakioxo 4
At least he seems committed?
cuponoodles34 10
change the locks and have her take up a hobby that might keep her busy and away from you and your defiling acts
lilhellian 27
Wrong FML...
Ugi 27
Wait. What? Is this Repunzel's FML or something #39?
writergirl23 19
Isn't a fat baby better than a skinny one? Also, you could be in a far worse boat. Be thankful.
sushichick 17
I find this adorable, at least your boyfriend is supportive. Just don't let her become the next Honey Boo Boo.
KiddNYC1O 22
Hide yo babies 'cause they making everybody fat out here!
forever_born 6
Welllll ooookkkaaaayyy that is all that comes to mind right now. But hey at least he didn't run for the hills.
Enslaved 38
How far along is the OP that he says the baby will be a girl vs a boy? Hopefully he'll have a few more months of research. Think positive, he's excited and not feeling trapped instead.