Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today my boyfriend overeats when he is upset, and normally keeps tight hold of his diet to control his weight. He assures me he’s happy about it, but since I told him I’m pregnant 3 weeks ago, he’s put on 28 pounds. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. Instead of being happy, he freaked out, then told me I was trying to "trap" him. We've been together for 12 years, and trying for 3. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML
Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should tell your idiot boyfriend that pretty much ALL babies are fat. Besides, he should be watching the baby's tushy jiggle. It's much cuter than the chin. Yes, I said "tushy". Yes, I have kids.
celiiceegee 6
And later you guys can watch his/her chin jiggle while she competes on the biggest loser.
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Comments (110)
paprika_pilipili_fml 14
Wow... It's like stupidity has no limit. Smh
Shrike 24
To the first sentence: you've got serious issues. To the second sentence: you've got serious issues.
deathy94 14
For a second there I thought he wanted to bounce something else.
GothickNihilist 15
You are seriously sick and deranged.
zombieslayer83 19
I love chunky babies and congrats!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Don't do it. Though all babies are fat, feeding them high calorie foods will make them heavy as ****. Do you want a sumo-baby?
lilhellian 27
No he wants a snorlax!
mcrepas 19
I will now read all your posts in a squeaky voice... Can't stop once you start.
eddeeezzyy 19
At least he didn't leave you!
Jdummer32 5
Some people just want to watch the world have an obesity problem.
olpally 33
He wants a wal-mart looking baby... How cute! Haha. At least he's taking interest in the child instead of leaving you. :)
Steve95401 49
I hope the baby has your intelligence and not his.
perdix 31
The good news is that he wants to be an involved father. Just make up shit like "juvenile diabetes is caused by baby fat" and he should be gullible enough to back off. Trust me, even though he's a moron, you are going to be grateful to have some time to yourself as he plays with your girl. Try to edu-ma-cate him enough that he doesn't hurt your kid with his ignorance.
youknowimright 5
Whats with people hating on the bf saying he's stupid? All he did was commit to a joke by looking something up on the internet. Sometimes bfs say stupid shit just to get their gfs smile or laugh
emilyjgraham 34
82, although it is likely how do we know he's joking?