Health: Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/10/2010 09:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 892

You deserved it 27 128

Own it

You tried

Shitgibbon

By Cassie - 21/05/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 47 168

About that...

By Gay younger brother - 30/06/2018 01:30

Today, my brother came out to our parents. They weren't super happy with it, but they said that it was ok since they still had a straight son. I don't know how to tell them that I'm gay too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 523

You deserved it 485

By Honey Badger - 08/03/2012 05:47 - United States

Today, I was at a meeting. One of the other members decided to share that their cat had passed away recently. I got an uncontrollable nervous laugh, started crying because I was laughing so hard, and left the room while everyone watched in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 707

You deserved it 23 026

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 063

You deserved it 37 418

By fml - 03/09/2013 06:31 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 429

You deserved it 12 075

By GirlishMan1883897 - 24/07/2010 10:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 078

You deserved it 74 628

Corporate logic

By AloisTrancy - 24/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 78

By traveller - 13/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 396

You deserved it 14 429

By stargirl - 19/07/2011 00:36 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 221

You deserved it 13 077

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 602

You deserved it 45 394

By poolboy - 23/07/2012 04:28

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 223

You deserved it 2 788

By DreeStahr - 30/09/2016 04:05 - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 806

You deserved it 1 350

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 130

You deserved it 5 221

By one sorry mom - 05/09/2017 04:31

Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 883

You deserved it 6 905

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 08:38 - United States

Today, I found out I'm getting laid off. However, they're keeping my coworker who rarely shows up and sleeps all the time when he's there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 039

You deserved it 2 429

By Brrrb - 05/03/2009 05:22 - Singapore

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 969

You deserved it 8 072

By Brown345 - 11/05/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 203

You deserved it 5 995

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 12:37 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 3 993

It's a holly jolly Christmas…

By Victor - 24/12/2020 14:02

Today, I usually take my daughter to daycare; my wife had to drop her daughter off at 8. The kid refused to get up, making them late. Wife argues with me, claiming I made her late. She said hurtful things and left late at 8:30. We haven't spoken and probably won't for the rest of Christmas week. I love Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 117

By Pizza-less - 04/09/2011 04:16 - United States

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 560

You deserved it 7 993

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Spicy

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 249

By ParanoidFreak - 31/12/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 916

You deserved it 40 116

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 949

You deserved it 3 292

By givingup - 30/01/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 63 037

By Realworldred - 18/06/2015 03:50 - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 787

You deserved it 3 182

By frustrated - 13/01/2013 06:39 - United States - Miami

Spicy

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 570

You deserved it 12 431

By Thefaller - 11/07/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 818

By WTA - 20/02/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 630

You deserved it 34 804

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 678

You deserved it 5 892

By littl3storm - 13/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 160

Facebook Science

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 23:00

Today, someone who lives off the government stated that all I do as a front line nurse is wipe arses, and that I know nothing about Covid because I'm not a doctor. He refuses to get the vaccine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 136

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 757

You deserved it 5 364

By ewww - 30/07/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 664

You deserved it 4 007

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 06:38 - Australia - Boondall

Spicy

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 960

You deserved it 6 184

The grind

By Gunaditya - 26/09/2021 23:00

Today, what did I get after a long, tiring week? A long, depressing weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 101

By Theguyinthedark - 30/06/2016 13:23 - Bangladesh

Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 020

You deserved it 1 123

By booboo300 - 29/04/2019 00:00

Today, I was supposed to have sex with my ex after he’d been out of town for a week. After a lot of build up and sexting last night, I woke up sick and he hurt his leg. It’s like our bodies are telling us not to sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 2 240

By Julie - 25/03/2015 05:42 - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 204

You deserved it 5 132

You just had to be special

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 23:01

Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 69

Lost

By James - 12/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 572

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Top comments

Quest_ 13

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:52

YDI for even entertaining the idea that an epilator would give you a nice, tidy brow line. Or that it'd be safe to use so close to your eyes, eyelashes, and such thin, delicate skin.

yourlifesfucked 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:06

Flawless victory. OP wins at writing FMLs.

Comments

duhhkotuhh107 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:05

hahahahahh!

IHateThinkingOfA 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:09

lmao pwned

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:20

BAAHAHAHAHA. u must have some sick brows Now ;)

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:54

lesson learned?

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 10 October 2010 18:05

Am I the only one who had to look up epilator? I feel stupid now. FTCB.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 18:09

don't feel stupid, I didn't know what it was either!:)

MrsxBillxKaulitz 5

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Sunday 10 October 2010 20:10

31, I had to, too. I still don't fully understand the eyebrow comeover, but oh well.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 20:12

I looked it up too.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 21:00

OMG! You met Andy Six? Luckyyyyyyyyy!!!!

MrsxBillxKaulitz 5

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Sunday 10 October 2010 21:44

56-I hung out with him for three hours. XD

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Monday 11 October 2010 7:53

59- I'd killlllll to just meet him.. and Sandra! :D

yourlifesfucked 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:06

Flawless victory. OP wins at writing FMLs.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:07

lmao

rottentomatoes 7

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:43

haha, indeed!!

Icyyy 0

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Monday 11 October 2010 6:26

Exactly what I was thinking!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:10

hah! I moderated this!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 17:29

Sorry, pen. There are others who moderate. I'm afraid you are not the only one. I'm sure this is a crushing blow, but I'm sure you will recover after years of therapy and intensive drug treatment.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 18:49

Drug treatment? Pen, looks like you will finally have an excuse for drinking that "special" tea you've been brewing. Orders from a Doc. (Btw DocBastard, cute little girl. Does this mean you've found the 6 fingered man?)(:

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Sunday 10 October 2010 18:55

Hey everyone, I moderated this! Can I have a cookie?

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Sunday 10 October 2010 18:57

NO COOKIES FOR ANYONE! Only carrots and apples. (:

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Sunday 10 October 2010 22:18

Can... can I... have some tea? :)

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Sunday 10 October 2010 22:19

Pen, it's the drug therapy that's intensive rather than the drugs themselves. I'll fax the Rx right over. I may screw it up since I am merely a surgeon, not a psychiatrist. Sourgirl- thanks. That's my little pride and joy. She just turned 4. Inigo went off with Fezzik, Westley, and Buttercup to live happily ever after. Steff, you may have some tea only if you brought something else to share with the group. Like Reese's Pieces. Mmmmm...

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Sunday 10 October 2010 22:27

I have... cheese... Does cheese work? Everyone likes cheese...

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Sunday 10 October 2010 22:43

Cheese makes you have wet dreams about sex with rubber duckies.

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Monday 11 October 2010 0:24

Well, it's a good thing I'm lactose intolerant. Does anyone else want cheese? There's plenty here...

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Monday 11 October 2010 0:57

Steff, hell ya! After that tea, all cheeses are sounding yummy. But please, no cheese for Pendatik. He may want to use my adjustable shower head and my scented body oils again. Don't think I don't keep track.

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Monday 11 October 2010 1:16

He's already stolen my cheese. >< I can't find it anywhere. :(

w2z1 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:10

Still better than a combover, lol.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:11

Wow! Your life is definitely F'ed now!!!

DjeePee 24

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:13

Wrong thought. Duuh.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:14

FYL lol sorry

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:18

OP, are you under the impression that people care what your eyebrows look like? If so, FYL.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:20

Trying to fix the unibrow, eh?

flashback.miss 28

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:29

lol , and OP.... dont worry.. time will fix it hopefuly... :D

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:34

Just shave 'em off entirely and give people the evil eye if they stare. They'll grow back eventually.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 28

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 186

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 258