Intimacy: Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on...

By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 785

You deserved it 67 544

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Same thing different taste

By SURPRISE - 10/06/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 615

You deserved it 6 819

By willywonks - 21/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 220

You deserved it 8 311

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 673

You deserved it 1 005

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 572

You deserved it 18 036

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 708

You deserved it 880

By mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 161

You deserved it 6 257

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 952

You deserved it 71 766

Prank war W

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 297

You deserved it 9 905

By konens_dick - 22/03/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 744

You deserved it 37 114

Sexy surprise

By perfectmoment - 10/10/2009 22:22 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 309

You deserved it 21 311

Easy_Target 0

Monday 23 February 2009 23:29

Nice entrance, Romeo.

cndrow 0

Monday 9 February 2009 23:38

Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.

Comments

jstasilentscream 3

Monday 18 May 2009 15:54

i second #22 , this is indeed an epic FML, i first read it last night and i'm still laughing my ass off every time i reread it ! it's amazing how far imagination can go.

kgirl12 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 17:15

lmaoooo that made me laugh so hard

babychi 0

Friday 5 June 2009 14:27

haha wrong timing for the grand entrance.

scateice 0

Saturday 6 June 2009 4:19

l :O l

canulickteeth 0

Wednesday 8 July 2009 22:37

hahahahahaha...smooth move

skyoolie 0

Wednesday 15 July 2009 9:50

which is when he replies, "tonight I am going to stab YOU twenty-four times"

SimplySynful 3

Monday 10 August 2009 18:15

Absolutely hilarious! Not exactly the best timing, but well worth the laugh.

SimplySynful 3

Monday 10 August 2009 18:17

Absolutely hilarious! Not exactly the best timing, but well worth the laugh. I hope her father had a sense of humor. I must also agree with #32, that would have been my reply if I had been the father.

pulpfiction_fml 3

Friday 21 August 2009 19:37

Where the **** did you come up with "my **** is going to stab you"? Is it sharp? Does it have a pointy tip? And if so, why would she be turned on by that? That would hurt. A lot.

janeb_fml 0

Saturday 22 August 2009 20:12

To people asking about the 'stab' thing - this guy is from France. He obviously means something like poke or something that doesn't have a direct translation.