Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML
Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
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Top comments
beekers 0
Wow, you got beat up by yourself. That takes a lot of talent.
vampireknight 0
how the ****?...i would like to see a reinactment. but dont worry it sounded like something id do
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Comments (56)
deathburger13 0
I can only imagine how that conversation went afterwards Telemarketer: "Hello Sir or Madam. Can I interest you in some-" OP: "SH*T F***ING DAMMIT! MY F***ING NOSE! BLOOD EVERYWHEREEEEEEEEE" Telemarketer: "..."
rocker8877 0
******* telemarketers... This happened to e the other day except I didn't beat the crap out of myself
qwerty123456789 0
I know a kid who had to get stitches from running into a piece of string...
viickykaulitz 0
pwned.. by yourself. takes talent, hahhah smooth.
antonioohama 0
www.donotcall.gov That's the national Do Not Call registry. If you're in the USA, go there and register all of your USA phone numbers. Then if a telemarketer calls you more than a month after you register, go to that site again and click “file a complaint” . BTW, I registered a year ago and since then, I got only one telemarketer call. That company got sued by the government.
banacafalata 0
See? Telemarketers are bad for your health! Did you tell them what they caused? Then again, telemarketers are good value too when you're bored during the day and they call, it's fun to see who will hang up first. Once you work out who they are, don't let them get a word in and sing to them, or tell them a story that would make it too awkward for them to talk to you anymore and just hang up :)
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 2
Hahahaha! Better than the actual FML itself!
Trav42 0
lmao really close
starberries 0
Why the hell are there so many stories about people injuring themselves trying to get to the phone? Jesus, let it go to voicemail, it's not worth getting hurt over!
abbyfish98 0
dude! almost tha exact same thing happened to me! except it was my leg. the phone rang, so I hopped off my couch not knowing it was asleep, and I fell straight on my face and couldn't get up