Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML
Today, at my new job waitressing, I walked into a glass door at full speed while carrying a tray of drinks. Not only did I spill everything, but I also left a weird make up face print on the glass for everyone to laugh at. FML
Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML
Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML
Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML
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Top comments
chilearmy123 4
Arghhhhh
LaColombianita 26
That sounds very painful! But pirate isn't that bad of a nickname.. At least they didn't call you cyclops or something like that lol.
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Comments (141)
firefighterjohn 9
at least they understood your story and accepted you being late. plus a nickname right off the bat that's good sign they like you already and you work with people who have a sense of humor
1JDub 6
*Smokey Voice....you got to be a stupid Motha Effer to get supa glue in yo eye! YDI
linkinpark98 24
I wish I could be a pirate! But leave out the superglue part. :3
fordman22 0
Better then being a Butt Pirate
OfficeNinja 5
Too bad it is not September 19, International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Yes, it is real. Google it.
linkinpark98 24
I am now looking forward to September 19th.
RogueWarrior869 23
For some reason your post amuses me given that your name has 'ninja' in it. And yes, that is a fun day. Can't wait for it this year!
jaredofmo 22
YDI for not taking this opportunity to play up the pirate bit and become friends with everyone.
seij_fml 12
how the f... do you superglue your eye while repairing a shoe?
muffinXmonster 12
Yar matey
Steel_BZ 8
Hella ghetto!!
fsamslife92 8
One of the rare examples on FML when we need a "your life is awesome" button.
shrdlu 28
Agree! OP not only still has job, but is getting noticed by coworkers and superiors. When they think about who to promote, or send for additional training, they'll remember you. And "pirate" really isn't that bad a nickname.