Miscellaneous: Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing... - FML

By swana99 - 04/09/2013 20:39 - United States - Woburn

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 294

You deserved it 3 092

Mama's boy

Empathy lives

Overreach

Waze?

By lol - 28/10/2020 09:57

Today, while working as an Uber driver, I asked my passenger for directions and she didn’t know. She was going to her own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 569

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 813

You deserved it 3 211

By BrillianceSucks - 05/04/2013 00:10 - Canada

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 188

You deserved it 12 421

By policeopenup - 11/07/2009 19:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 252

You deserved it 8 693

By carl_carl_ - 13/07/2015 15:10 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 2 188

Mom hobbies

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, on a road trip my mom got out to walk her dog. Her jar of Marijuana fell out of the car and rolled across the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 277

By crapedup - 10/10/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 971

You deserved it 3 060

Manchild

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 243

By nice guys finish last - 20/08/2013 04:01 - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 5 641

Bachelor party

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 18:00

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 112

You deserved it 417

By jordanss - 11/11/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 085

You deserved it 3 442

By cock sauce - 09/06/2012 21:15 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 344

You deserved it 29 555

Not all heroes…

By pooped - 12/04/2020 23:00

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 02/05/2012 22:41 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 2 454

By MDoremis - 28/08/2016 19:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, while flying home, two little girls started chanting, "We're all going to die." I'm an extremely anxious flyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 661

You deserved it 1 071

By StUbbY - 09/07/2009 14:01 - Canada

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 793

You deserved it 59 097

By ThatsIncentive - 15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 905

You deserved it 1 117

By for the love of god - 14/05/2013 21:35 - United States

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 330

You deserved it 2 997

Denied

By bl4ckk4t - 19/08/2021 08:01 - Australia - Morwell

Today, the guy I've been dating online for the last year and who I'm madly in love with blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 230

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By lazydude - 17/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 1 461

By Limalia - 24/01/2011 21:00 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 224

You deserved it 10 543

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 15:23 - United States

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 718

You deserved it 37 652

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 010

You deserved it 13 949

By OfficeSlave - 25/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 912

You deserved it 3 414

By fearofzombies - 13/08/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 218

You deserved it 13 201

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Spicy

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 763

You deserved it 58 623

By Alyssa - 21/09/2016 07:17 - United States - Spring Park

Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 147

You deserved it 1 198

By Nixontones - 14/10/2011 15:09 - United States

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 985

You deserved it 2 507

By rainastartree - 23/12/2013 21:10 - United States - Crum Lynne

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 974

You deserved it 14 828

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 11:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I sent a picture of my two little nephews to my friends, who now keep telling me how my older nephew looks exactly like me. They’re starting to make awkward statements such as, “Are you sure you didn’t have sex with your sister in-law?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 92

By izzy - 15/05/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 436

Banana bread?

By Sarah - 11/09/2021 05:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I ordered 3 bananas on Instacart, but actually received 3 overripe bunches of bananas. I don’t know what to do with 18 bananas before they all rot by tomorrow night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 181

By FUCK THE PIGS - 26/01/2013 20:44 - United States - Oakland

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 382

You deserved it 4 152

By thatonekid - 27/07/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 368

You deserved it 3 531

By jenni6488 - 22/02/2012 07:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 23 225

By Anonymous - 27/04/2018 20:30

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 746

You deserved it 626

By Jess - 20/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 465

By roadkill - 28/02/2011 15:50 - United States

Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 214

You deserved it 2 818

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 185

You deserved it 3 644

Weak

By Heavybreather - 13/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Athens

Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 823

You deserved it 1 102

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Top comments

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:01

Maybe she's trying a new method to get in students heads

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:03

Is he/she a Maths teacher? They have a lot of problems.

Comments

The_9th_Doctor 18

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:01

what did you do to make her hate it?

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:16

Stole her phone?

The_9th_Doctor 18

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Thursday 5 September 2013 10:47

possible

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Thursday 5 September 2013 10:51

Maybe the teacher was still hungover from Labor Day Weekend? Huge possibility!

applebramble 22

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Thursday 5 September 2013 18:43

Or maybe the teacher just wants to get their ass fired from school for using inappropriate language like that IN school grounds and in front of their students :/

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Thursday 5 September 2013 20:28

If its a university, it's perfectly acceptable for a professor to curse. :)

ElementaryEdGuy 18

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Friday 6 September 2013 3:37

Our middle school teachers used to cuss us out.

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:01

Maybe she's trying a new method to get in students heads

oj101 33

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:07

Correct. It is in the nature for students to rebel, so maybe they'll say "I love school!" Teachers are always more cunning than we take them for.

lolita88_fml 27

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:10

Or maybe she'd choking with hatred and wants to burn down the school :D

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Thursday 5 September 2013 18:03

then bravo to the teacher lol

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:01

More like fuck the teacher's life.

j_729 18

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Thursday 5 September 2013 16:10

I'm guessing the students fucking hate it too. That's how it works at my school

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:02

Sounds like the classroom is going to be full of joy!

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Thursday 5 September 2013 11:56

Right! I say congrats OP on your new "Fuck work let's play games & text" class

j_729 18

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Thursday 5 September 2013 16:12

I wish my teachers hated it as much as i do

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Thursday 12 September 2013 8:31

Hate it or not, doing well is a key component to a productive and enriching life. School is always that one thing that most of us take for granted. I hate it.

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:03

Are you guys going to get along great then? I would get along with mine if my teacher said that.

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:03

Is he/she a Maths teacher? They have a lot of problems.

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:25

Don't even get me started on my horrible maths teacher!

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Thursday 5 September 2013 10:18

Seriously. Like math please stop trying to find your ex, she's never coming back.

pinkshirtbadman 15

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Thursday 5 September 2013 11:35

My math teachers all had really divided personalities.

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Thursday 5 September 2013 11:58

I only had 2 good Math teachers in High School

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Thursday 5 September 2013 15:45

33-- so half of your math teachers taught well.

j_729 18

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Thursday 5 September 2013 16:13

My math teacher assigned a big essay within the first period i had with her.

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Thursday 5 September 2013 18:02

Out of the 4 math teachers back in high school, I had 3 really great ones (including one that i still text regularly) and one that i had to switch out of her class because she was badmouthing me to other students in her other classes. Soo I'd say math teachers are always on extremes, really great or really shitty.

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:04

I hope that doesn't influence you too much.. So what if he/she does??

aintlifeapain 21

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:05

Well, that means you will have her support and, probably, shoulder to cry on later when the school disappoints you.

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:08

Well at least he or she doesn't sugar coat. Maybe she/ he was having a rough morning

lolita88_fml 27

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Thursday 5 September 2013 9:08

I like your teacher!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 16

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 19

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 151

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 239