Night on the town

Today, I went out wearing the highest heels I had, but was nervous about falling because I'm such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

Today, I sprained my ankle at dance class. No, I wasn't dancing when I did it. I was trying to step off from a small mat so I could go home. FML

Today, I tripped over a "Caution: Slippery When Wet" floor sign and sprained my ankle. FML

Today, I twisted my ankle during a round of golf, after trying to do a fancy jumping high five. FML

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

Today, my legs were really sore from working out yesterday, so it hurt going down the stairs at work. To avoid the pain, l ignored how stupid I looked and limped down the staircase. When I finally got to the bottom, I hopped off the last step. And twisted my ankle. FML

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

Slipping up

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because, I "shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML