Kids: Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop...

By MyBallsForSaleOnEbay - 21/08/2015 15:25 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 142

You deserved it 7 249

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Same thing different taste

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 977

You deserved it 2 496

By I_Has_A_Fishy - 10/07/2012 19:33 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 3 453

Those things freak me out

By Gilly - 02/09/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 444

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 134

You deserved it 47 917

By tiredmom - 07/07/2016 15:03 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 333

You deserved it 1 574

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 2 789

You big fanny

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 432

You deserved it 31 258

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 807

By aunty_social - 25/08/2018 14:30

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 302

You deserved it 318

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 822

You deserved it 287

Shannon98 16

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:54

Aww your nephew sounds sweet.

Sebastian2022 22

Saturday 22 August 2015 0:50

I think your 5 year old nephew bought the balls on eBay! :P

Comments

WOTAN1488 24

Saturday 22 August 2015 1:42

Lol. That is weak mate XD

n0tamu5ed 12

Saturday 22 August 2015 1:42

This sounds extremely cute!

UH60 26

Saturday 22 August 2015 1:55

Slapped it to death?

amileah13 26

Saturday 22 August 2015 1:56

Awwww that's so cute of your nephew

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 22 August 2015 2:16

What do you do when you see a spider?

countryb_cth 38

Sunday 23 August 2015 11:01

Burn the damn house down

Mandybruin 15

Saturday 22 August 2015 2:37

I used to think that, too, until I saw one fly. Freaked me out. Nature, you scary.

UncleHoodie 22

Saturday 22 August 2015 2:40

Imagine OP's reaction if Radroaches were real...

fmlsams 27

Saturday 22 August 2015 2:41

That's so cute though!! I think it's worth a little embarrassment to have that awesome of a nephew.

randomblahh 10

Saturday 22 August 2015 2:59

that's funny but so cute!

russiancat464 12

Saturday 22 August 2015 3:11

Thats cus hes too young to understand the horror

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her, and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 167

You deserved it 134

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 837

You deserved it 30 760

The Top

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 147

You deserved it 2 937

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 875

You deserved it 55 594

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 334

You deserved it 11 261

Today, after our in-laws begged us to go, we drove 350 km each way to attend a birthday party on a Sunday. Upon arriving, they informed us the party started at 5 pm, not lunch time, leaving us to drive 5 hours in the dark. Our reward? My husband, 3 year old, 7 month old, and myself tested positive for Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 177

Today, my overly friendly bubbly classmate, who’s like a preschool teacher hopped up on Red Bull, texted me, “Hey honey buns! Wanna meet up early before class and get groovin?!” My husband saw it and insisted that it's code for cheating. I'm not sure how I can explain that she’s just weird and wants to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 98

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 292

You deserved it 3 011