Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
ryanmactn 0
Shoulda had a V8
keelyglass584 0
Wow . You didn't know what that was ? How old are you : my two year old brother knows what that is ..
lkrunner101 7
Omg! I did the exact same thing! When i was 8...
Captain_The 4
You could have saved some time and money and just turned to Google. "Pink and slimy thing out of dog's knob." Penis.
Deluxe20 0
good job
Deluxe20 0
good job
Razman201 14
I think the OP shouldn't really own a dog after a post like that. Pretty funny though XD
littlebluepill 1
You are a tard. Please don't ever have children.
capslockisgood 19
Your dog has a penis coming out of his knob? So it has a penis growing out of a penis... ew
fallenangel72 7
******* gross