Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

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Hello everyone!

Creepy

Incognito browsing

By full moon - 8/9/2016 02:37 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

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By automaticfail_00 - 17/6/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 14:33 - United States - Brownwood

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

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By CAchickadee - 29/5/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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By ProAwkward - 18/6/2013 04:07 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

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By done - 7/8/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Excuse you?

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2015 20:24 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2011 05:21 - Canada

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he is at a suicide risk from depression. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 08:30 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

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By WasFeelingGood - 27/10/2009 13:32 - United States

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

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By datingfail - 14/8/2016 12:06 - Australia - Northcote

Today, I went on a date with a guy who told me his main aim in life is to live alone in an isolated lighthouse. FML

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By meatballz - 16/3/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 08:45 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

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By holywowz - 17/5/2017 18:00

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

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By SharpeOne - 28/12/2011 06:54

Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML

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By iamfab - 6/6/2015 05:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

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By WillaminaL - 20/1/2012 03:33 - Canada

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

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By rkl2010 - 23/5/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

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By random - 8/1/2015 05:24 - United States - Arvada

Today, my sister and I got stuck in an airport elevator. We were separated from our friends, missed our flight and had to walk two hours to find our gate. On the bright side, we ended up having a pleasant talk with an Air Marshal on why we were "stalking people". FML

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By Sapphire Mills - 28/11/2018 13:30

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

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By StudentAbroad - 18/2/2016 13:27 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2009 20:18 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend and I were arguing over whose boyfriend was better. Just as I was about to convince her, my boyfriend rang. Trying to start the perfect conversation, I put him on speaker phone and answered "Hey Tiger, I was just thinking about you". He broke up with me on speaker. FML

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By 2for1 - 28/3/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 14:59 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

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By damn cats - 12/8/2018 22:00

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

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By disappointed - 25/3/2014 11:36 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

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By masterdisaster - 11/4/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML

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By shit - 26/1/2014 18:20 - United States - South Holland

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

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By TCRII - 28/3/2018 01:30

Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML

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By UpAllNight - 9/2/2019 13:00 - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 05:00

Moving

Today, I realized timing really is everything. I met the man of my dreams less than a month before I’m relocating for work. FML

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By noluckwhatsoever - 6/1/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

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By Very Divorced - 10/10/2018 20:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is cheating on me with not one, not two, but nine girls. How he did it, I don't even know. How I found out? I was coming into my room to surprise him for his birthday and saw him having a threesome. We have kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2014 22:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

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Top comments

By ohfuckk | 0

#688920 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts.

Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

By Bloodknight | 22

#688933 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

Comments

By ohfuckk | 0

#688920 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts.

Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

Reply

RedJester23 | 6

#689917 - Thursday 26 November 2009 23:18

+999999

happy gilmore and his happy sacks aint so happy

Reply

soccerfreak878 | 0

#984099 - Friday 23 April 2010 22:51

YDI for calling them "happy sacks"

Reply

kaliko808at702 | 0

#985904 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 8:41

happy sacks.

epic amounts of awesome sauce that yoda wouldn't be able to describe...

Reply

SouthSideGummi | 0

#1048491 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 10:10

lol @1 that's funny...but op that seriously sucks

Reply

zackk5 | 0

#1124853 - Thursday 22 July 2010 18:34

happy sacks, meaning more than one.

By reapfml | 0

#688927 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:15

no good deed goes unpunished

Reply

020266t | 5

#1767800 - Monday 29 November 2010 13:02

this is why I never help people...

Reply

mbusey | 20

#4388757 - Friday 4 May 2012 1:48

Wicked?

By Bloodknight | 22

#688933 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

Reply

tarheel22893 | 0

#689242 - Thursday 26 November 2009 15:38

I assume that the mods review them before they get posted and they probably change balls to happy sacks

Reply

aero_fml | 0

#689355 - Thursday 26 November 2009 16:45

Automatic YDI for happy sacks. It was awkwardly funny the first time, but this is like the 5th occurrence.

Reply

sdroze1389 | 31

#5871200 - Friday 28 February 2014 4:20

#3. for some unknown reason the mods change anything testicular to happy sacks

By xMrAndyTranx | 4

#688948 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:40

Why does this FML have so many errors?.....

By AcesAndEights | 0

#688953 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:50

Sucks for you, but if it's any consolation she lost her purse.

By jloveee | 0

#688962 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:10

another happy sacks fml..

YDI for that

By hk_fml | 9

#688965 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:13

Happy sacks again?

Reply

wah_face | 0

#689130 - Thursday 26 November 2009 12:54

guess the sacks aren't so happy anymore

Reply

RavensRule97 | 0

#689493 - Thursday 26 November 2009 18:13

^^^ such a win

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#814969 - Monday 1 February 2010 7:47

we shall now call them sad bags, to spice things up a little

By Raiders714 | 0

#688974 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:22

Damn right on the family jewls LMFAO

By gozar_fml | 1

#688978 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:25

Happy sacks? Do you have more than one scrotum? Freaky.

By Tigg3r | 3

#688986 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:35

Can people just call them whatever the hell they want? I mean it doesn't really matter does it? This lot is a whole bunch of pricks. OP, FYL and best to put some ice on those.