Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 37

26/11/2009 02:09

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 566

You deserved it 3 579

Vulture

Get out

Health hazard

Trolled by technology

By Rightswiper - 26/07/2017 05:00

Today, as soon as I put my card into an ATM, the words "Out of Order" popped up and it would not return my card. Since I was at the bank, I got a free replacement. Trying to draw money again the second machine did the same thing and a third card costs more than what I have in my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 514

You deserved it 486

11/09/2011 04:19

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 324

You deserved it 3 363

16/01/2009 20:46

Spicy

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 464

You deserved it 3 055

Love is hell

By singlepringle - 07/04/2021 01:57

Today, I was having a chuckle at the girl who used to torment me since she’s on her fourth marriage. Then I realized she’s gotten four handsome, rich men to marry her, while I’m still hopelessly single and haven’t had a boyfriend since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 312

14/05/2018 13:00

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 897

You deserved it 972

21/04/2011 18:18

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 894

You deserved it 9 679

20/11/2010 00:49

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 138

You deserved it 7 365

08/07/2013 20:00

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 063

You deserved it 7 040

10/07/2015 17:07

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 503

You deserved it 1 737

08/03/2011 11:32

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 782

You deserved it 4 211

28/05/2016 05:23

Spicy

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 400

You deserved it 4 038

29/07/2012 20:34

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 740

You deserved it 3 989

20/08/2018 15:00

Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 711

29/10/2012 07:55

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 640

You deserved it 5 182

31/05/2014 07:24

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 642

You deserved it 4 041

14/08/2019 00:01

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 122

19/02/2013 17:05

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 3 194

10/08/2009 07:10

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 576

You deserved it 7 308

07/01/2009 15:42

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 523

You deserved it 2 167

12/09/2011 08:43

Today, my 23 year old boyfriend of 2 years was forced to dump me, over the phone, by his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 113

You deserved it 3 232

22/11/2008 04:42

Today, I should have given my first concert in front of a crowded audience. As we were about to go on stage my band decided to roll a joint outside. The cops just happened to pass by and now I'm on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 441

You deserved it 4 947

07/09/2011 22:14

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 849

You deserved it 15 318

05/01/2013 15:59

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 271

You deserved it 28 000

03/05/2016 15:06

Today, I tried to charge my phone at school by removing the socket for the fan. All the computers in the room turned off. I accidentally removed the power cables for the computers and got suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 174

You deserved it 15 018

10/12/2016 22:50

Today, I babysat my little cousin. He thought that a glue stick would have the same effect as chapstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 726

You deserved it 732

Hairy situation

By Anonymous - 27/06/2020 14:03

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 188

02/08/2016 23:52

Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a!" He hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 350

You deserved it 1 364

28/01/2012 06:27

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 471

You deserved it 4 460

21/04/2009 13:48

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 547

You deserved it 5 333

Be precise

By Loveless - 07/03/2021 15:30

Today, I started the conversation where I intended to confess to my crush that I like her. I first asked her if she liked me. She asked me to define my terms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 216

29/12/2011 05:53

Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 070

You deserved it 2 243

10/10/2009 22:35

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 220

You deserved it 47 396

27/09/2009 18:12

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 397

You deserved it 42 712

16/06/2016 06:02

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 221

You deserved it 5 834

02/01/2010 00:09

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 210

You deserved it 4 513

03/09/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that my new apartment complex does not allow "altercations in community areas". This includes pulling my child out of the pool and reprimanding him for holding his cousin under water. I can't parent outside my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 961

You deserved it 233

01/11/2011 00:18

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 186

You deserved it 5 713

08/09/2009 21:17

Today, I switched from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and told them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 037

You deserved it 4 089

01/04/2009 06:07

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 853

You deserved it 9 808

28/03/2013 22:35

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 020

You deserved it 3 640

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Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts. Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

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Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts. Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 November 2009 23:18

+999999 happy gilmore and his happy sacks aint so happy

soccerfreak878 0

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Friday 23 April 2010 22:51

YDI for calling them "happy sacks"

kaliko808at702 0

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Tuesday 27 April 2010 8:41

happy sacks. epic amounts of awesome sauce that yoda wouldn't be able to describe...

SouthSideGummi 0

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Tuesday 29 June 2010 10:10

lol @1 that's funny...but op that seriously sucks

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Thursday 22 July 2010 18:34

happy sacks, meaning more than one.

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Thursday 26 November 2009 9:15

no good deed goes unpunished

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Monday 29 November 2010 13:02

this is why I never help people...

mbusey 20

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Friday 4 May 2012 1:48

Wicked?

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Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

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Thursday 26 November 2009 15:38

I assume that the mods review them before they get posted and they probably change balls to happy sacks

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Thursday 26 November 2009 16:45

Automatic YDI for happy sacks. It was awkwardly funny the first time, but this is like the 5th occurrence.

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Friday 28 February 2014 4:20

#3. for some unknown reason the mods change anything testicular to happy sacks

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Thursday 26 November 2009 9:40

Why does this FML have so many errors?.....

AcesAndEights 0

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Thursday 26 November 2009 9:50

Sucks for you, but if it's any consolation she lost her purse.

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Thursday 26 November 2009 10:10

another happy sacks fml.. YDI for that

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Thursday 26 November 2009 10:13

Happy sacks again?

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Thursday 26 November 2009 12:54

guess the sacks aren't so happy anymore

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Thursday 26 November 2009 18:13

^^^ such a win

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Monday 1 February 2010 7:47

we shall now call them sad bags, to spice things up a little

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Thursday 26 November 2009 10:22

Damn right on the family jewls LMFAO

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Thursday 26 November 2009 10:25

Happy sacks? Do you have more than one scrotum? Freaky.

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Thursday 26 November 2009 10:35

Can people just call them whatever the hell they want? I mean it doesn't really matter does it? This lot is a whole bunch of pricks. OP, FYL and best to put some ice on those.