Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Sorry…

Walk on the wild side

By Glutton - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

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By reallyman__639 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 05:02

#1 Dad of the day

Today, according to my husband, our son is at the difficult age where he can finally speak fluent English, but is still too childishly dumb to say anything interesting, intelligent or frankly worth listening to at all. There are times I wish I was a divorced single mum. FML

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By artmfanforever - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

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By lemonadedisguise - United States

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend. When the bill came with a customer satisfaction survey, I put honestly that the "server friendliness" was "below average." Ten minutes later, I had to return to the restaurant to beg the waitress for my keys, which I had left on the table. FML

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By bmaas - United States

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML

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By PulledOver - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

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By fuck the man-dominated construction business - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

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By lachaisse - United States - Vinton

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

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By Irritated - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

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By newscorp employee - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

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By acnebutt - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

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By Lost5dollars - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

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By abonde29

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

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By Anonymous

Loser

Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML

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By Cornbreesha - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

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By Cùchulainn - France

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

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By maxthndr - United States

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58 - Germany

Haunted house

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

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By footinmouth - United States

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

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By Tuture - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

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By Kirby - United States

Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot." Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2020 09:30

I don't like to move it, move it

Today, I realized just how sedentary both my work and home lives are after I went to the doctor with a rash on my butt and he diagnosed it as bedsores from near constant sitting. FML

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By masterzach21 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

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By IrisKitty - United States - Englewood

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

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By noname - United States

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

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By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Sex ban

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

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By cllutz - United States

Today, I found out my husband is sleeping with my best friend. The best part? We all just signed a 12 month essentially non-breakable lease on a house together. FML

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By Poly24 - France - La Courneuve

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

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By iharethissomuxh - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

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Top comments

By ohfuckk | 0

#688920 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts.

Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

By Bloodknight | 22

#688933 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

COMMENTS

By ohfuckk | 0

#688920 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts.

Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

Reply

RedJester23 | 6

#689917 - Thursday 26 November 2009 23:18

+999999

happy gilmore and his happy sacks aint so happy

Reply

soccerfreak878 | 0

#984099 - Friday 23 April 2010 22:51

YDI for calling them "happy sacks"

Reply

kaliko808at702 | 0

#985904 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 8:41

happy sacks.

epic amounts of awesome sauce that yoda wouldn't be able to describe...

Reply

SouthSideGummi | 0

#1048491 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 10:10

lol @1 that's funny...but op that seriously sucks

Reply

zackk5 | 0

#1124853 - Thursday 22 July 2010 18:34

happy sacks, meaning more than one.

By reapfml | 0

#688927 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:15

no good deed goes unpunished

Reply

020266t | 5

#1767800 - Monday 29 November 2010 13:02

this is why I never help people...

Reply

mbusey | 20

#4388757 - Friday 4 May 2012 1:48

Wicked?

By Bloodknight | 22

#688933 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

Reply

tarheel22893 | 0

#689242 - Thursday 26 November 2009 15:38

I assume that the mods review them before they get posted and they probably change balls to happy sacks

Reply

aero_fml | 0

#689355 - Thursday 26 November 2009 16:45

Automatic YDI for happy sacks. It was awkwardly funny the first time, but this is like the 5th occurrence.

Reply

sdroze1389 | 31

#5871200 - Friday 28 February 2014 4:20

#3. for some unknown reason the mods change anything testicular to happy sacks

By xMrAndyTranx | 4

#688948 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:40

Why does this FML have so many errors?.....

By AcesAndEights | 0

#688953 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:50

Sucks for you, but if it's any consolation she lost her purse.

By jloveee | 0

#688962 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:10

another happy sacks fml..

YDI for that

By hk_fml | 9

#688965 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:13

Happy sacks again?

Reply

wah_face | 0

#689130 - Thursday 26 November 2009 12:54

guess the sacks aren't so happy anymore

Reply

RavensRule97 | 0

#689493 - Thursday 26 November 2009 18:13

^^^ such a win

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#814969 - Monday 1 February 2010 7:47

we shall now call them sad bags, to spice things up a little

By Raiders714 | 0

#688974 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:22

Damn right on the family jewls LMFAO

By gozar_fml | 1

#688978 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:25

Happy sacks? Do you have more than one scrotum? Freaky.

By Tigg3r | 3

#688986 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:35

Can people just call them whatever the hell they want? I mean it doesn't really matter does it? This lot is a whole bunch of pricks. OP, FYL and best to put some ice on those.