Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

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Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Workaholic

They're everywhere

By Anonymous - 5/5/2012 21:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my husband and I went on vacation. We got lost and had to ask the locals for directions to our hotel. Neither of us could understand their accents, and we ended up wandering around blindly for hours until we made it back on our own. FML

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By nothingisreal69 - 1/3/2011 22:21 - Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

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By Madmanmorton - 16/6/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

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By burnt - 13/8/2012 04:43 - Australia - Middle Swan

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

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By FML - 15/5/2012 19:02 - Finland

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

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By stepknee - 14/10/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

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By awwshit - 13/10/2009 14:13 - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

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By jennavankirk - 22/7/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 21:08 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

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By knuckleheadknock - 10/11/2016 02:11

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

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By toxic waste - 12/2/2013 04:18 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

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By rosesareyellow - 30/7/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 05:25 - United States - Astoria

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

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By insomniac x2 - 15/8/2013 19:56 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

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By Grounded - 29/12/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 02:33

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

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By IDIOT - 28/3/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

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By Quincy_Ethan - 29/8/2014 21:22 - United States - Killeen

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 21:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

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By Jack Shart Jr. - 8/7/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

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By KimberleyIrene - 20/7/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a job I interviewed for. The guy called me and told me I got it. I said "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" He responded with "You're welcome Emily". My name isn't Emily, it's Kim. He got the numbers mixed up. FML

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By ghgfd - 6/3/2013 14:53 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister $20 to wax my back for me so my bra would stop painfully pulling at the hair I repulsively seem to be growing there. FML

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By ofcourse - 13/9/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

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By Brennan Lebrun - 18/5/2018 05:00

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

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By seeking new employment - 7/1/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2020 08:01

Gig economy

Today, I remembered that I chose my career of the last decade because, unlike my job in the dying newspaper industry, "concerts aren’t going anywhere." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2010 11:45 - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

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By wrongplacewrongtime - 22/2/2013 06:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

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By gottacatchemall - 8/1/2014 05:43 - United States

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2014 16:09 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

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By Sarah - 30/8/2012 12:58 - United States - Hampton Bays

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

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By blondebarbie271 - 26/7/2015 23:55 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML

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By - 20/11/2019 18:00

Handjob

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

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By wrongnumber - 14/1/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

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By f_n_fail - 6/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

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Top comments

By ohfuckk | 0

#688920 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts.

Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

By Bloodknight | 22

#688933 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

COMMENTS

By ohfuckk | 0

#688920 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:14

After spending months on this site I've come to the conclusion that real life actually is just like an Adam Sandler movie. Or, Adam Sandler writes half of these posts.

Anyway, put some ice on that shit.

Reply

RedJester23 | 6

#689917 - Thursday 26 November 2009 23:18

+999999

happy gilmore and his happy sacks aint so happy

Reply

soccerfreak878 | 0

#984099 - Friday 23 April 2010 22:51

YDI for calling them "happy sacks"

Reply

kaliko808at702 | 0

#985904 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 8:41

happy sacks.

epic amounts of awesome sauce that yoda wouldn't be able to describe...

Reply

SouthSideGummi | 0

#1048491 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 10:10

lol @1 that's funny...but op that seriously sucks

Reply

zackk5 | 0

#1124853 - Thursday 22 July 2010 18:34

happy sacks, meaning more than one.

By reapfml | 0

#688927 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:15

no good deed goes unpunished

Reply

020266t | 5

#1767800 - Monday 29 November 2010 13:02

this is why I never help people...

Reply

mbusey | 20

#4388757 - Friday 4 May 2012 1:48

Wicked?

By Bloodknight | 22

#688933 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:19

Why does everyone on this site deem it necessary to call their balls happy sacks? Soooo lame...

Reply

tarheel22893 | 0

#689242 - Thursday 26 November 2009 15:38

I assume that the mods review them before they get posted and they probably change balls to happy sacks

Reply

aero_fml | 0

#689355 - Thursday 26 November 2009 16:45

Automatic YDI for happy sacks. It was awkwardly funny the first time, but this is like the 5th occurrence.

Reply

sdroze1389 | 31

#5871200 - Friday 28 February 2014 4:20

#3. for some unknown reason the mods change anything testicular to happy sacks

By xMrAndyTranx | 4

#688948 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:40

Why does this FML have so many errors?.....

By AcesAndEights | 0

#688953 - Thursday 26 November 2009 9:50

Sucks for you, but if it's any consolation she lost her purse.

By jloveee | 0

#688962 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:10

another happy sacks fml..

YDI for that

By hk_fml | 9

#688965 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:13

Happy sacks again?

Reply

wah_face | 0

#689130 - Thursday 26 November 2009 12:54

guess the sacks aren't so happy anymore

Reply

RavensRule97 | 0

#689493 - Thursday 26 November 2009 18:13

^^^ such a win

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#814969 - Monday 1 February 2010 7:47

we shall now call them sad bags, to spice things up a little

By Raiders714 | 0

#688974 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:22

Damn right on the family jewls LMFAO

By gozar_fml | 1

#688978 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:25

Happy sacks? Do you have more than one scrotum? Freaky.

By Tigg3r | 3

#688986 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:35

Can people just call them whatever the hell they want? I mean it doesn't really matter does it? This lot is a whole bunch of pricks. OP, FYL and best to put some ice on those.