Miscellaneous: Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with...

By Anonymous - 29/02/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 406

You deserved it 32 980

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 15/07/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 195

You deserved it 7 942

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 510

You deserved it 3 861

By thanksdad - 16/03/2014 19:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 810

You deserved it 6 278

By TheSublime - 21/10/2009 13:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 852

You deserved it 4 645

It hurts when I pee

By yomamma787 - 24/11/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 892

You deserved it 54 444

By romea244 - 14/08/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 660

You deserved it 27 064

By Broderick - 26/03/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 068

You deserved it 6 960

Shout the victory

By dogpatch087 - 02/01/2020 03:00 - United States - Ventura

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 500

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 406

You deserved it 32 281

By Ouchhh - 25/05/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 4 543

emeraldon 7

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:51

Yeah, gotta love those lightning quick reflexes and how they come in handy when you really shouldnt have them.

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:56

Yeah, those cacti are vengeful *******. Either that or you're an idiot for catching one with your bare hands. While you're at it, would you give my pet porcupine a bath? He's quite tame, I assure you.

Comments

Grand_Cookie 21

Thursday 1 March 2012 4:15

I'm sorry, but that is stupid as hell.

riptor911 10

Thursday 1 March 2012 5:24

Why the he'll would you try and catch a cactus? Let that thing hit the ground!

Mrbeaverduck 0

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:00

S.O.C (save our cacti)

linkinpark98 23

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:16

At least you gained some respect points from that cactus!

julialinn 2

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:17

Sorry that you expected it to feel like a pillow.

tdawg4200 0

Thursday 1 March 2012 6:55

End your life.

stratman58 2

Thursday 1 March 2012 7:34

This should really be written as... Today I clumsily dropped a cactus and stupidly decided to catch the spiky part.

Fantasmical 3

Thursday 1 March 2012 8:15

Good work. I am proud of you, son. /shot

NFSMax 5

Thursday 1 March 2012 8:41

Every plant is earth's child. Wish everyone's like this dude...

effron777 1

Friday 2 March 2012 3:03

Too bad you didn't get an arrow to the knee..

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Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 98

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 685

You deserved it 7 123

The Top

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 442

You deserved it 384

Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 304

You deserved it 40 832

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 948

You deserved it 4 005

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 366

You deserved it 35 400

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 272

You deserved it 13 418

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 93

Same thing different taste

It hurts when I pee

Shout the victory

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