Work: Today, I received a call from a company attempting to steal me...

By Badday - 23/11/2017 19:00

Today, I received a call from a company attempting to steal me away. Flattered, I told them I liked my job and the answer was no. When I told my boss, he said they're thinking about laying me off and I should've taken the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 420

You deserved it 376

Work

Compromises

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

Great start to the day

Mystery

By Death_Arc_Angel - 22/01/2021 09:09 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 128

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 280

By Former Professor - 21/07/2019 22:00

Today, I happily went to an interview after job searching for months. I learned a large part of my job would be cleaning the toilets. Every. Single. Hour. I used to lecture at a university until budget cuts happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 175

Damp, dark night

By Entity303 - 14/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I'm staying in a hotel. The power went out while I was having a shower. So I waited for it to come back on, until an announcement came over the fire alarm, "Due to generating failure, the power will be off for the rest of the night. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused, and have a good night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 78

By bystander - 07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 695

You deserved it 2 877

By GiraffeLover - 11/01/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 200

You deserved it 7 048

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 653

You deserved it 7 891

By Little Miss Fucket - 13/06/2014 21:07 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 836

You deserved it 4 161

By mog907 - 25/07/2016 18:31 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a 2nd degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 222

You deserved it 1 223

By sneezeattack - 14/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 906

You deserved it 4 276

By buggermonster - 16/06/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 714

You deserved it 76 585

By llmd - 10/08/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 551

You deserved it 3 964

By teachingsucks - 14/03/2010 18:29 - United States

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 727

You deserved it 24 977

Help!

By notwasted39 - 13/07/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox when I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said, "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9 a.m.?" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I'm still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 971

You deserved it 3 082

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 289

You deserved it 8 970

By Eli123 - 01/05/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 475

You deserved it 51 736

Infantilized

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 20:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised I get called “buddy” and “champ” at work more than I get called my actual name, I’m 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 82

By BlackRavenWings - 21/11/2010 22:36 - United States

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patients room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 896

You deserved it 35 591

By mastermind - 22/08/2018 23:30

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 680

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 293

You deserved it 274 842

By Kyrie - 14/09/2017 20:00

Today, I came down in the morning to find that my fridge died, leaving water and meat juice all over the floor. My town only has garbage pickup every other week and the last was yesterday. We're expecting a heat wave this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 430

You deserved it 226

By extra crispy or original recipe - 16/02/2014 22:23 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 488

You deserved it 42 743

By DogDoingScience - 01/09/2011 15:45 - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into my father. He was drunk and singing in the street. At 1:25pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 2 687

By Noname - 06/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 524

You deserved it 18 516

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 967

You deserved it 8 835

By Recon - 17/03/2009 12:16 - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 572

You deserved it 8 391

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 11:23 - Sweden

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 954

You deserved it 6 612

iPhone 8? So bougie.

By PoorAfMan - 03/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend who doesn’t pay bills, still lives at her parent’s rent free, and hasn't finished her Associate’s is debating what color she should order her iPhone 13 in. Meanwhile, I have a Master’s, pay an astronomical amount in mortgage and bills, and still have the iPhone 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 317

Teacher's pet

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 08:01

Today, I finally found out why I never got invited to parties in college. My fellow students considered me too ambitious to want to do anything but study hard. The reason they thought that? I tended to be present and on time for classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 94

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/06/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 2 131

By Alisterine - 24/08/2014 17:31 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 170

You deserved it 14 564

By honutattoo - 19/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 920

You deserved it 3 062

By Amanda - 11/08/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 136

You deserved it 46 411

By ITalkGood - 28/12/2009 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 9 989

By chefdujour - 15/03/2009 04:56 - United States

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 949

You deserved it 5 707

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 7 149

By SadFoxLady - 10/06/2013 18:01 - United States - Des Moines

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 751

You deserved it 55 549

By bad date - 13/06/2012 04:42 - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 274

You deserved it 3 709

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 292

You deserved it 11 323

By wtf bro - 20/05/2015 08:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 019

You deserved it 3 602

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Top comments

MidnaLink 33

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Thursday 23 November 2017 19:12

Well, call them back! There's probably still time to take the job.

exileonmainst 16

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Thursday 23 November 2017 19:14

I hear that the charity ”Rally to support genocide” are looking for new people to hire.

Comments

MidnaLink 33

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Thursday 23 November 2017 19:12

Well, call them back! There's probably still time to take the job.

exileonmainst 16

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Thursday 23 November 2017 19:14

I hear that the charity ”Rally to support genocide” are looking for new people to hire.

dwight7476 11

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Thursday 23 November 2017 19:57

Today is a day to be with family and a day to rest and pig out I guess he don’t value his family why he wants you to work today

OrchidKitten 21

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Thursday 23 November 2017 20:08

Some people have no choice. Some places make it a "first come first serve" deal when asking for holidays off. Also nursing homes, rehabilitation facilities and hospitals are a few places where workers need to be. They can't just close those places so their employees can be with family. Plus tomorrow is Black Friday, stores need to prepare.

jbuckets_404 38

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Thursday 23 November 2017 20:32

Dwight: Where does it say that he's working Thanksgiving Day? "Today" refers to whatever day the event happened. These submitted FMLs have to first be judged/ approved by a big group of moderators(?) before being posted. That doesn't happen in an hour or two.

dwight7476 11

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Thursday 23 November 2017 20:38

it was posted today

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 23 November 2017 20:54

Why would you tell your boss? Are you one of these bitches that revels in telling their boyfriend/husband about the other guys that hit on you?

almost_there44 26

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Thursday 23 November 2017 21:01

"Bitches?!" Who hurt you?! You really reached for that conclusion without stretching, must hurt. HAHA!

Lobby_Bee 17

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Thursday 23 November 2017 22:24

I think you can call them back and tell them you reconsidered their offer. I don't see why it wouldn't be worth a shot. Sure beats being jobless and going through the motion to find a new one.

DanielleinDC 32

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Friday 24 November 2017 5:08

You probably shouldn't have told your boss this, but call them back and say you've reconsidered.

Neror 13

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Friday 24 November 2017 15:13

I guess they wanted to steal you away because you look good in their corporate colours and you're good at rescuing their customers from bags of pinecones.

8djht8 19

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Sunday 26 November 2017 21:31

Always take interviews even as practice even and especially if you love your job. Then when you are gonna be hired then tell your boss and see if they want to fight for you. In the future.