Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
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Top comments
onlychildFTW 34
Hey you could market a peeing alarm clock and make millions! People need a good way to wake up. Haha.
Melissa92_fml 13
Sounds like a crazy version of the Cheshire Cat :D.. Though he's kinda crazy to begin with.
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Comments (102)
ebonyirony 29
Meow!
l23VIVE 17
My Dad and Step-Mom got married on your birthday haha. They got married last year though
argenyorkie 11
Of course it was smiling, all cats get pleasure out of inflicting pain and humiliation to their humans. But they're just so cute, we love them anyway.
emoshadow47 9
I cant think of a witty response
folfg0 12
Then don't comment.
noisebox 1
Cats gotta go
bjf10 22
Older cats often have kidney / bladder problems.
DespairFaction 11
One of the many reasons I hate cat.
Cinderella_Man 10
Get your cat checked out. Mine used to do that, it turns out it's Kidneys were infected.
alycion 39
Mine had diabetes. And white vinegar will clean the stain pretty good. Dealt with a piss spot on a sleep number mattress with a rescue who had kidney failure. Soak the linens in vinegar before washing them as well.
LittleGreenPaola 23
I agree! It's probably trying to tell you that something's wrong. It's not evil!
ambear26 14
... troll cat ! I love it.
hateevryone 15
Let him sleep outside.
ButteredRetoast 4
Hahaha that's actually pretty funny.