Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
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Top comments
onlychildFTW 34
Hey you could market a peeing alarm clock and make millions! People need a good way to wake up. Haha.
Melissa92_fml 13
Sounds like a crazy version of the Cheshire Cat :D.. Though he's kinda crazy to begin with.
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Comments (102)
shannonshann06 6
My new kitty back when I got her would pee in my bed as soon as the alarm would go off for 3 days. I almost made her sleep in the cage at night.
honestjane 22
I feel you, OP. My cat was 17 when she passed away. But she did get a bit senile towards the end. One night I was watching TV and she jumped up on the coffee table and took a dump on it. Animals are like people, when they get old sometimes they just get senile and do extremely inappropriate actions. After that I started putting litter boxes everywhere just in case she forgot where her box was so she would stumble across one if nature called.
mrsmirk 8
I know what you mean about swearing it's smiling.. creepy, like they did it just to spite you or as a joke. I think it's awesome that a cat has the intelligence to understand that it's wrong in the first place. 3~ dookie. Once me, a friend and my girl friend were sleeping on a blow up matress after a party and my friend pissed the bed.. the piss traveled under my gf to me leaving all three of us with a soaked midsection. I dont know how long till I noticed and when I did wake up, I wasn't sure which one of us wet the bed. But, he ruined a pack of cigs that were in his pocket and I got a drunk guy to smoke a piss cig the next night. That made me feel better.
cameraman97 4
If it makes you feel better, humans are the only species that smile to show happiness...
fmlwtfkillme 2
In a parallel universe the pussy gets you wet
shannonreneee 11
Cà
delicious69 5
Cat....the next white meat.. It's good mood food
cheesesteak420 4
**** CATS
Schnauser 2
I guess it's time to put him down!
pimpslayer09 4
If he's old, it could be because he's sick. Just saying.