Miscellaneous: Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make... - FML

27/05/2017 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 375

You deserved it 513

Walk the line

Taking stock

Hiding from the drama

28/06/2012 15:28 - United States

Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 682

You deserved it 2 948

19/12/2016 21:58 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I noticed that my two cats have been urinating on my Christmas tree skirt more frequently than in their litter box. I've tried to get them to stop, but I don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 000

You deserved it 1 036

09/11/2012 18:39 - United States - Ladys Island

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 321

You deserved it 3 479

26/03/2012 02:53 - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 608

You deserved it 3 023

06/10/2016 02:40 - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 535

You deserved it 1 641

22/10/2014 15:06 - Mexico - Guadalupe

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 803

You deserved it 4 807

04/06/2015 09:08 - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 883

You deserved it 2 337

12/08/2009 16:14 - Canada

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 154

You deserved it 53 349

Whoops

By Anonymous - 28/09/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 35 810

09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 930

You deserved it 5 877

13/07/2012 20:13 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 709

You deserved it 37 511

18/03/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 878

You deserved it 4 054

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 10:02 - Australia - Murarrie

Today, my son accidentally damaged another kid in the face with a baseball bat, while blindfolded trying to hit a piñata. Except there was no piñata, or blindfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 1 214

07/11/2011 05:12 - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 402

You deserved it 7 911

29/05/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 150

You deserved it 14 559

29/06/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 202

You deserved it 5 916

02/04/2010 11:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 951

You deserved it 7 037

06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 029

You deserved it 20 862

19/09/2014 16:06 - Belgium - Poperinge

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 096

You deserved it 3 894

Not all heroes…

By pooped - 12/04/2020 23:00

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 154

Family sticks together

By R we Hillbilliez? - 01/04/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I overheard my husband screaming and sobbing into the phone. Apparently, his mistress has been cheating on him with both his brother and their uncle. Who’s the woman in question? My much younger niece, who lives next door. I don’t even know where to begin to approach this dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 91

23/03/2015 01:58 - United States - Mendota

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 454

You deserved it 3 539

21/12/2015 14:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 051

You deserved it 2 137

12/09/2018 15:00

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 764

You deserved it 536

21/01/2015 08:33 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 052

You deserved it 3 512

27/01/2012 17:14 - Belize

Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 015

You deserved it 3 105

28/01/2012 03:41 - United States

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 032

You deserved it 2 613

Quite the journey

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 20:58 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I begrudgingly helped relocate my 84-year-old mother-in-law to our home at my partner's adamant request. It took months of stressful preparation, around $10,000 in costs, and some 500 km travelled via medical transport. Ten minutes after arriving, she had a heart attack and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 142

25/12/2011 07:28 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 921

You deserved it 4 960

04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 617

You deserved it 3 870

12/02/2014 17:57 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 348

You deserved it 5 664

23/06/2013 23:36 - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 602

You deserved it 8 578

31/07/2015 20:48 - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 016

You deserved it 2 190

09/04/2014 01:42 - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 699

You deserved it 6 245

08/02/2012 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 491

You deserved it 22 920

Stop siding with Karens!

By jobless - 02/07/2021 11:00

Today, I'm a massage therapist, and a woman got on my table with a rash. When I informed her that I couldn't work on her because of the rash, and that it's illegal, she got mad, and started yelling at me. My boss came to find out what happened, took her side, and fired me. For following the law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 55

Caddy Shack

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 14:00

Today, I've had people calling the golf course just to ask what the weather's going to be like tomorrow. I’m a golf professional, not the weather man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 148

Time marches on

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 00:58 - Canada - Brandon

Today, after looking back at our high school photos, I told my fiancée I’ve been scared lately that I’m getting uglier with age, and that I was much prettier back then. He got really quiet, and then agreed with me.. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 234

26/11/2012 05:27 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 626

You deserved it 2 822

22/09/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 857

You deserved it 2 595

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Saturday 27 May 2017 14:43

Well, now you can tell them you can get published on FML, which is no easy task. ?

Yudith 20

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Saturday 27 May 2017 15:28

I checked the sex and...yup, woman. Ah, women. They can be nuclear physicists, some people will never be happy unless they stay home making spaghetti and sucking their meatballs. Don't let your family drag you down; you are awesome!

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 27 May 2017 14:43

Well, now you can tell them you can get published on FML, which is no easy task. ?

Send a private message

Saturday 27 May 2017 14:44

I don't know how that question mark got there, my apologies.

Yudith 20

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Saturday 27 May 2017 15:28

I checked the sex and...yup, woman. Ah, women. They can be nuclear physicists, some people will never be happy unless they stay home making spaghetti and sucking their meatballs. Don't let your family drag you down; you are awesome!

Send a private message

Saturday 27 May 2017 15:54

Mmmmm spaghetti and meatballs.

MisterKnowItAll 15

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Saturday 27 May 2017 18:58

Well you're meeting all of my standard.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 27 May 2017 19:24

I'm sure with a lot of training and hard work you can add macaroni and cheese to your repertoire, and become legend in your family.

RockPrincess26 16

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Sunday 28 May 2017 1:12

"I'm having spaghetti tonight. With meat." "Enjoy eating your meat." "And balls." "Enjoy eating your balls."

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Sunday 28 May 2017 3:55

Don't lose yourself. Moms spaghetti.

CrazyTrainWreck 19

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Sunday 28 May 2017 19:39

Hey a lot of people can't do that (like me, can never cook the noodles right) so have a little more confidence in yourself.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 284

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69