Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML
Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML
Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down, I received a text that said, "Turn around." It was her. FML
Today, I pretended to be on the phone to avoid small talk with someone from my building. I spoke loudly into the phone while walking by them. My phone rang in the middle of my fake conversation. FML
Today, the girl I like said she was out drinking with a friend. I'm pretty sure she has been lying about all the times she has "fallen asleep" and could not talk, and is actually seeing other people. FML
Today, I pretended to be texting to avoid talking to an old classmate I saw at the grocery store. Unfortunately, my phone rang while I was “texting.” It was the classmate. I had no choice but to answer, while we were both standing 10 feet apart. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML
Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML
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Top comments
Runninvegan 8
Time to hit up the Chloroform....
Bunnehs 0
YDI for thinking that being drunk makes you cool.
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Comments (81)
Kntrymama 8
Sounds almost as pathetic as my life..
Mokiikom_fml 8
...rule number one of lying: don't lie in a way that's so stupid that you'll be caught right away. If you were truly drunk you could do it, but being sober, have the decency to come up with a lie that can't be easily debunked. ;)
MeasaV123 0
There's a cat for that.
hondawonderboy 4
Lol lame dude
clementine00 1
Why would you pretend to be with someone that they know. You totally deserved it for not being smarter. And if you have friends to text, why didn't you just ask them to hang out instead?
bugsfunny 0
That sucks.
Characterise 0
hahahahaha well your fault you should know your group of friends
fmluserr27 0
You could just say that you must of been so drunk to even realize you are actually not with anyone. lol
stoneywoney 3
So then you would have just been "blonde" textig right?
woopdattrick 5
You deserved it for thinking being drunk is cool. Douchebag.