Intimacy: Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective...

By MrDanito - Czech Republic - Lysa Nad Labem

Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective of the viewer, but it happened, in our open-space office. FML

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16416

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1639

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Intimacy

Mother of the year

This Charming Man

Triage

By Mom2boysonly

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3096

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358

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By LittleRed - United States

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29893

You deserved it

4244

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By mahanaaa_23 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45711

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4380

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By moonlight77

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1170

You deserved it

2121

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By crazytown - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46278

You deserved it

4665

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By college parking sucks - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22378

You deserved it

2139

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By Anonymous - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28949

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2964

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By sara - 13/5/2021 01:59 - Canada

Don't overdo it, it's bad for you

Today, I have wasted so much time reading comments on this page that FML comments have become my favorite bedtime stories. FML

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466

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205

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By Missedtheboat - United States

Today, I finished making an awesome costume for a Halloween party my crush was attending. I then checked the invite and found out the party was last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13644

You deserved it

32515

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By Anonymous - United States - Revere

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15256

You deserved it

1091

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By mraow123 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53271

You deserved it

4640

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22731

You deserved it

1709

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By Anonymous

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52001

You deserved it

4168

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By Lavalise - France

Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34690

You deserved it

11781

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36216

You deserved it

3517

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27195

You deserved it

3430

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By daddylove - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says "Oh, honey. I don't care... Just keep the noise down." Then walks out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48336

You deserved it

6893

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By nottrustworthy - United States

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31404

You deserved it

4552

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By seriously - United States - Goshen

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28009

You deserved it

18460

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By Ashley - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26573

You deserved it

10420

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By Drewzter - United States

User manual

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6920

You deserved it

26277

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By Nicos - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28843

You deserved it

6195

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By Anonymous

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

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9676

You deserved it

907

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By coffee girl - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33244

You deserved it

2426

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By agnosticstudy - United States

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12265

You deserved it

28757

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By home owner - United States

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32622

You deserved it

3347

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By Dude_Stop

Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4162

You deserved it

276

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was driving down a completely empty street when a cop pulled me over for no reason at all. When he approached my window, I began to get defensive until he informed me I was driving the wrong way down a one way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10237

You deserved it

24585

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By Cam - United Kingdom - Holsworthy

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8201

You deserved it

43632

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By ilook12 - United States - Paris

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27872

You deserved it

2155

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By dazedandconfused - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Happy Holidays!

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9616

You deserved it

569

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By Anonymous - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41572

You deserved it

4552

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By so embarrassed - United States - South Salem

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27967

You deserved it

4290

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48101

You deserved it

22341

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By Cano951 - United States

Today, I was bitched out by a pizza delivery man. I didn't have the cash to pay him for a pizza I didn't even order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30292

You deserved it

2592

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37712

You deserved it

13763

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By Panda Man - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a meeting with my girlfriend, who I live with and work with but on different teams. Both our teams got laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2849

You deserved it

127

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 20:00

So special

Today, my boyfriend gave me the best birthday ever, then promptly broke up with me at midnight to get back with his ex, because he "didn't want to ruin my special day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1778

You deserved it

109

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By Weirdo - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12604

You deserved it

40033

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By FlGirl - United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11681

You deserved it

33960

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Top comments

By JudgeComrade | 17

#6591439 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:22

At least it wasn't from the perspective of the giver.

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6591464 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:29

That would really SUCK to walk in on.

COMMENTS

By JudgeComrade | 17

#6591439 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:22

At least it wasn't from the perspective of the giver.

doraquiexplore | 13

#6591504 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:18

Blowjobs r fun to give, killjoy

joeyl2008 | 29

#6592030 - Friday 29 April 2016 5:34

@9 damn straight

grogers311 | 20

#6592960 - Saturday 30 April 2016 6:10

Damn not straight!

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6591447 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:24

shooting a porn scene?

By saxaddict122 | 14

#6591451 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:25

Haha the definition of a NSFW FML, except maybe at your office!

By stingray112 | 24

#6591459 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:26

First time for everything

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6591464 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:29

That would really SUCK to walk in on.

UserError94 | 18

#6591576 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:13

Hopefully he was quick to HEAD out.

sinisterviper | 10

#6591584 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:19

that's going to create a LOAD of problems with the workplace.

COSaikou | 7

#6591594 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:29

damnit..I love these puns

Dale_shackleford | 13

#6591607 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:45

Yeah, they really BLOW me away.

atlien247 | 16

#6591862 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:23

Really? I find them hard to swallow.

PackardBell_fml | 19

#6591923 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:01

these are pretty FUCKING funny

By TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6591479 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:49

That's hot

tin_cup | 27

#6591606 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:45

I totally agree!

Mysterious_one | 20

#6592726 - Saturday 30 April 2016 0:30

been there ... I was the receiver ..plus some hardcore stuff ..

By spearcom | 13

#6591494 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:05

Damn. That sucked for all 3 of you. Literally.

By klirrivirri | 9

#6591505 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:17

was it a happy ending? did you cheer?

By JimminyCrib | 7

#6591517 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:30

Did you call next??

By trucker2 | 33

#6591527 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:40

Did you stand in line ?