Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective...

By MrDanito - 28/4/2016 06:21 - Czech Republic - Lysa Nad Labem

Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective of the viewer, but it happened, in our open-space office. FML

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Intimacy

Instadrama

You can't win sometimes

Time don't heal nothing

By 310 - 9/10/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

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By red - 27/9/2012 11:37 - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

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By awkword - 31/12/2014 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2017 00:00

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

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By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

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By Cake Dreams - 8/10/2018 22:15

Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, they are pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I am three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

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By NotSoSmart - 3/9/2019 17:00 - United States - Ventura

Dr. Phil

Today, in the spirit of being helpful, I accidentally convinced the girl I'm secretly in love with to stay with her boyfriend. FML

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By samantha - 4/3/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

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By annoyedguy - 30/6/2009 11:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

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By "1DisGR8" - 16/12/2018 09:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

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By jacked - 17/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2013 16:47 - United States - Trenton

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

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By Single4Life - 5/7/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

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By billy - 31/3/2015 10:54 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 12:12 - United States

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

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By Nola - 27/4/2017 12:00

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

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By maddiee. - 21/10/2010 15:20 - Indonesia

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

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By TheLastSerenade - 23/1/2013 08:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

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By Noname - 25/2/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

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By wow - 5/5/2011 06:13

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

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By gmian - 6/12/2015 05:06 - United States - Amherst

Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 14:00 - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

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By Heavybreather - 13/2/2017 12:00 - United States - Athens

Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML

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By Jill - 7/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 02:00

Unrequited and stuck

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML

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By MissAggravared - 19/11/2014 08:27 - United States - Meridian

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

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By mayoshampoo - 1/9/2014 16:59 - Canada - Toronto

Today, someone, and I still can't figure out who, switched my shampoo with mayonnaise. FML

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By disconnected - 23/9/2014 20:19 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

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By NNTA - 26/12/2013 23:21 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

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By Jennifer H. - 20/3/2017 14:00

Time travel is possible… via hair salons

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

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By kat - 31/10/2012 11:30 - United States - Ocala

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

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By WhitneyHouston - 6/7/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

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By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

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By Tyler - 3/8/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML

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Top comments

By JudgeComrade | 17

#6591439 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:22

At least it wasn't from the perspective of the giver.

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6591464 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:29

That would really SUCK to walk in on.

Comments

By JudgeComrade | 17

#6591439 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:22

At least it wasn't from the perspective of the giver.

doraquiexplore | 13

#6591504 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:18

Blowjobs r fun to give, killjoy

joeyl2008 | 29

#6592030 - Friday 29 April 2016 5:34

@9 damn straight

grogers311 | 20

#6592960 - Saturday 30 April 2016 6:10

Damn not straight!

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6591447 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:24

shooting a porn scene?

By saxaddict122 | 14

#6591451 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:25

Haha the definition of a NSFW FML, except maybe at your office!

By stingray112 | 24

#6591459 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:26

First time for everything

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6591464 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:29

That would really SUCK to walk in on.

UserError94 | 18

#6591576 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:13

Hopefully he was quick to HEAD out.

sinisterviper | 10

#6591584 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:19

that's going to create a LOAD of problems with the workplace.

COSaikou | 7

#6591594 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:29

damnit..I love these puns

Dale_shackleford | 13

#6591607 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:45

Yeah, they really BLOW me away.

atlien247 | 16

#6591862 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:23

Really? I find them hard to swallow.

PackardBell_fml | 19

#6591923 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:01

these are pretty FUCKING funny

By TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6591479 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:49

That's hot

tin_cup | 27

#6591606 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:45

I totally agree!

Mysterious_one | 20

#6592726 - Saturday 30 April 2016 0:30

been there ... I was the receiver ..plus some hardcore stuff ..

By spearcom | 13

#6591494 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:05

Damn. That sucked for all 3 of you. Literally.

By klirrivirri | 9

#6591505 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:17

was it a happy ending? did you cheer?

By JimminyCrib | 7

#6591517 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:30

Did you call next??

By trucker2 | 33

#6591527 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:40

Did you stand in line ?