By nofatchicks - 12/05/2014 23:49 - United States - Tampa
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To everyone saying OP should just 'hit the gym' is also messed up. You do realize we have never seen what OP looks like, right? OP's perception of her weight may be very different then how we would view her. And the man in the story may have his own perception (but he's a fucking douche either way and there's no excuse for that one). But coming from a girl who has suffered from serious eating disorders, let me tell you...people contributing to the negativity by telling OP to just 'work out' are contributing to the messed up society we live in and all the body image issues. But yeah. What an asshole.
Why is skinny considered normal? Why not look at a girl for personality and realize their is more to her than meets the eye. What drives me insane is people attribute obesity or overweight to mean eating to much. Nothing can be further from the truth. I learned that many women have hormone disorders, or other health issues that cause the weight gain that are not because of food. Smh- I potty the fool.
I'm with 94 for the first part. Pardon the common cliche phrase, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Every man has a different taste in what he wants in a girl. OP, you keep your head up, I bet there's someone out there who will appreciate you for you. At the same time, maybe it won't be a "very cute guy" by looks, but by how he makes you feel.
To everyone that is hating the work out comments, it's a fact that being overweight is very unhealthy and significantly shortens your life span. Hating the fact doesn't make it go away.. I understand that some people do have disorders but the majority are overweight simply from overeating. It's an epidemic the world over that's getting worse and worse.
this fml made me want to cry. I'm sorry OP, I feel so bad for you. I'm a bit on the heavy side and have been insecure before. All women have. Just remember though, confidence is key. As cute as your post sounded when you said you were nervously flirting, be confident sweety and that will do a lot for you (: who knows you might come across a great guy.
@175- Why do you think people have a problem with being "overweight"? "Overweight" is a relative term, and that is societies fault. BMI and its criteria are fueled by the billions spent on the dieting industry- it is about appearance, not health. In fact- millions of Americans became overweight and obese overnight when the BMI criteria changed in 1998. Add in the fact that the majority of examples of "beauty" throughout the past two decades featured women and models who were clearly underweight- and in the fashion industry, anything past a mere size 8 is considered plus sized. In the real world, frame dependent, a woman up to a size 16 can be perfectly healthy. This is not about a pity party, and I find it very offensive that you used that term. I, regrettably, am a bit too familiar with the eating disordered culture. As a teenaged girl, I never once personally thought that I was heavy enough to be unattractive. I was fine with how I looked, and my body felt great to live in. I starved myself down all the same, because I felt that I had to be thin to be worth something. Today, my heart isn't working so well because of it. There are too many girls out there like me, and too many women at risk of developing unhealthy habits to achieve the ideal that yes, society, has set us up with. Have you ever stopped to think of how many people wouldn't think they were fat if they didn't have an ideal to compare it to? This isn't about a pity party. This is about the importance of mental well being, encouraging personal strength, breaking away from the norm, and saving lives. Feel free to research any of the facts I listed in this comment- and I encourage you to find evidence that any of my rationalizations are in any way absurd. I like learning new things :)
Well no shit being morbidly obese is unhealthy!!! But we haven't seen OP. Who knows if she's TRUELY overweight to the point of being unhealthy. I was able to gain 25 pounds in a month and a half from medications for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So please...you try to 'hit the gym' when your body is holding on to every ounce of fat. I could starve myself and workout for hours and only lose .5 lb per week and it would come RIGHT back on. All I'm saying is that it's idiotic to simply tell her to workout more when that's not quite the issue.
Thank you #157! I wish girls could realize how beautiful they are. One issue can just lead to another. We just need a more accepting society. Unhealthy is not ok. But even if she was extremely overweight (which is is not if you read the post)...it is still SO wrong for him to even comment.
okay look, the main reason everyone is getting so upset about this whole string of comments is because there's two wings here, people who think it's okay to be however you are, and likely will be supportive of the fact that you should love who you are (and this is very important) however there is the other wing of people who like to put emphasis on looks (as stated above) however what people seem to miss is that goldielox zone, that perfect balance between the two, yes you should love who you are but you should never stop looking for ways to better yourself, whether or not that's physical or emotional or even intellectual, no one is perfect but you don't have to settle for less than what you can achieve. if you do then it's most likely a cop out and you're just lazy. and yes also as stated above I am aware of those with glandular issues or hormonal issues. these "obese" groups in America who are trying to normalize being overweight are teaching a flawed truth, yeah love who you are and the body you're given, but if you're unhappy and you want to make a change then you should be willing to put forth the effort to do so.
Aha! See! Right there. This proves my point. Women look for a Prince Charming. A young, attractive, physically fit and handsome man. Men are similar. Men look for a young, attractive, physically fit and beautiful woman. To avoid a double standard, one must say that OP will not find a Prince Charming, but rather a Shrek. Less beautiful on the outside, but more beautiful on the inside. Unless, of course, OP slims down.
Sorry 40 but your point can just as easily be disproven. Me personally, I found my Prince Charming. He isn't full of muscles like those gym junkies, he isn't the fittest nor the skinniest, but did that stop me? Nope, not at all. A girls Prince Charming isn't always the hot guy with the perfect hair and perfect jawline etc, some girls (like myself) find their Prince Charming from their personality and if they look good, then bonus!! I'd just like to clarify also that I think my man is attractive, I'm not saying he isn't. I believe #2 was just saying that the person who OP will fall in love with is out there, not saying 'oh you will find that young, fit, great looking guy sometime'.
You just helped prove my point more. I said people LOOK for that Prince Charming, but people like you and mostly everyone else settle for less. The whole concept of Prince Charming is the "perfect guy". I was simply using the concept of "Prince Charming" that society has shaped to mean this perfect man, to prove my point that outward appearance is what is valued in today's culture. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I agree with it, but in this situation OP has to either change society to where "the cute men" don't care about weight or change herself. The latter is the easier decision.
I never settled for less. That makes it sound like I couldn't get better so I took what I could and that is just not true. He is my Prince Charming and is MY perfect man whether others see him as attractive or not. There was no settling. Someone may look for their own Prince Charming but that doesn't mean that Prince has to be good looking. The person who should 'change' is the guy who is rude enough to have 'no fat chicks' tattooed on themselves.
You know that all across media men are portrayed in different shapes sizes and age yet women practically come In a one size fits all gorgeous appearance?! Cause men are often judged by his accomplishments but no matter what a woman does assholes still feel it necessary to point out how "ugly" she is. As if a woman cannot be complete unless a man finds her attractive. I disagree that women need prince charmings (pushes the idea that women's worth lies in what men think of them) but please don't pretend like both sexes are objectified "equally"
#40 "Prince Charming" is also someone that will treat you like his future Queen-- with love and respect. I can see the point you were trying to make. And I somewhat agree that you need to be physically attractive to the person you're with but believe you're looking at that expression the wrong way. Don't forget there also the expression "Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince."
40 prince charming means a guy who is charming, sweet, and treats you like a princess. Good news ladies! Everyone can scratch 40 off the list of possible Prince charmings. Nobody wants a man who feels like he settled because he's not pretty or fit enough to get someone better.
I'm not being shallow, I'm telling the truth. If anyone is being shallow its all of these people for only looking at one meaning of "Prince Charming". I'm actually looking at both sides (physical and personality). If I was being shallow I would say something like "apparently I've struck a gold mine of insecure overweight feminists who say appearance doesn't really matter but cake themselves with make-up anyway."
#40, the whole phrase, which you chose to ignore in favor of your inane argument, is "YOUR Prince Charming," as in, "the man who is perfect for YOU." Which means that it can vary greatly between women, as one woman may value different qualities as more important than another woman would. There is no one perfect ideal of a person, because a) most people realize that it's impossible to be truly perfect, and b) women are not a monolithic hive-mind who all think the same. Ergo... Different opinions on what's ideal for each woman. Not hard to understand.
Really, scooterdude720? Do we need to spell this out for you? "Prince Charming" is an expression used to define one's personal preference for a perfect partner. Does EVERYONE in the world want what this particular society deems "perfect"? What about societies where larger women are more desirable than smaller women? Do you think those societies' ideas of beauty involve someone with a smaller waist and an arguably cute face? You're delving only into the physical definition of "beauty", which, I assume, you co-dependently picked up from an American glamour magazine or something. Did it ever occur to you that some people don't want an objectively perfect-teethed, six-pack-carrying, high-cheek-boned, collagen-lipped, blush-ridden pin-up of a significant other? How someone else defines "perfect" is not your place to judge through their eyes. Some see perfection as one who treats him/her well; others see it as what society defines as "beauty"; others see perfection as the physical desensitization they've seen in movies and other visual media with no regard for personality; some may even see it as an amalgamation of these three things. Get over it; "Prince Charming" is not what you think it means.
Aww 156, you feel backed into a corner and so choose to attack a bunch of woman's physical appearance to make yourself feel better. You seem pretty immature, or young, or both. Notice no men are coming to your defense? That's because they know that there's more to a woman than looks, and aren't dumb enough to assume it's because every girl that won't sleep with them is overweight or ugly. You'll learn someday. But for now, give up.
Don't understand why you feel the need to try and insult like that #156. You seem to be missing the point and getting more and more rude with every comment. I don't find looks to be that important in looking for a relationship, and yes I still put on make up when I am going out somewhere - why? Because I like to look pretty once in a while, doesn't mean I cake it on every day. And I'm certainly far from a feminist who is over weight. How about you stop with the shallow judgmental comments and accept the fact that your point was well and truly NOT proven as your concept of Prince Charming obviously differs from the majority here. Just because fairy tales show the Prince to be handsome doesn't mean everybody looks for the perfectly sculpted male to be theirs. The Prince Charming is just a term to describe someone's perfect partner, soul mate etc whether he be fat, skinny, short, tall, athletic or couch potato. We look for our own Prince Charming - who is our 'forever', the gentleman who will (like others have said) treat us like a princess. It's Prince Charming, not Prince good-looking
scooterdude you're an imbecile! Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, Prince charming is meant to be perfect, thus Prince charming can be anything you want him to be. he won't be prefect for everyone but he will be perfect for you. notice how OP said YOUR Prince charming not THE PRINCE CHARMING..grow up man!
scooterdude, you couldn't be more wrong. Of all the men I've ever showed any interest in, only ONE was skinny and I hated it! All the rest have been fat or chubby or fit or muscular. My bf, I'll be honest, he's fat, but he's my fatty. He obviously doesn't fit in your definition of prince charming but screw your definition. Do I find men with six package attractive, hell Yes who doesn't. would I choose one like him if I had the chance, probably not. Not my type. So stop generalizing women because you sound pretty stupid.
alright alright, here's a good way to look at it, take America's view of "perfection" and pit it against the tribal people in Africa who wear neck rings to push their shoulders down, that looks "perfect" to them, it's all about preference. also, back in the stone age (cavemen era) there have been statues and carvings of women being portrayed and "morbidly obese" simply because that showed a better genetic line that the woman was better equipped to survive than a woman who had no fat reserves. so it was therefore "perfect" to be overweight.
That's when you wish you had a tat saying "no douche bags allowed"
You should have then proceeded to pull up your sleeve to reveal your no douche bags tattoo
And, 54, think how much more stupid he's going to feel in ten years, when he still has the tattoo but has lost his cuteness and can't even get a so-called fat chick to look his way! OP, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but this is one you can put in the "win" column.
That guy is a jerk and plenty of men go for a woman with a little meat on them. Don't give up! :)
I hate how every one of these comments are ONLY supporting those who are a little on the larger side. Well guess what? Some people have naturally thin bodies, so hating on them because of their high metabolism to make other people feel better is not the solution.
I actually agree with Chutney on some points. Not necessarily in this exact thread, people often talk about how no one wants a "skinny bitch" or a "high-cheekboned, six-pack carrying, collagen-lipped" girl. Y'all are constantly talking about body types and glorifying one or the other which makes the other feel bad. Stop glorifying different body types and accept everyone.
Side note; "Men prefer women with a little meat." "Only dogs like bones." "Curvy does it better." "Who wants a skinny bitch when you can have a curvy woman?" "Larger women are much more beautiful than some stick." "Eat some fucking burgers." "I'm not saying you need to be a stick or anything." Some from this forum, some not.
#7- Sorry about this, but I think it's time for you to cut down on the internet. #59- I am "a little overweight". I am a female, 5'8" and 165 pounds. My bmi is on the higher end of "normal". I would benefit from more exercise and a healthier diet. Question answered.
How is being overweight healthy? I'm not saying you need to be a stick or anything, but being overweight puts a lot of extra stress on your joins and heart, raises blood pressure, and in general isn't healthy. I'm not saying you have to have the "perfect" body in today's society, but saying that being overweight at all is still healthy, is definitely wrong
#73 Not saying you're doing this but there was this article I read a while back that stated that the average woman (not all) will lie about her weight by 10 pounds. Especially the ones that fluctuate by a few pounds here and there. They'll say their lowest number regardless of weighting that amount on the day in question.
There have been studies showing that women who are a little overweight live longer and are healthier. I believe it was something about a slight fat reserve is less stressful on the body because it never feels in danger of starving, but I'm not 100% sure of that. Also, most women flucuate around 10 pounds in a month, which means my 5'1 frame goes from technically underweight to slightly overweight throughout the month.
Ten pounds at 5'1 is a big fluctuation. I'm 5'1, and ten pounds is about 10% of my weight. I would be getting that checked out. Being underweight and overweight are both unhealthy. If having extra fat was healthy, it wouldn't be considered overweight. I'm all for people feeling better about themselves, but if it means telling yourself that guys like extra meat to get out of making yourself healthier, I'm not okay with that. OP might be in the acceptable weight and is just self conscious though. There's a fine line, but one necessary to look into.
130, I read a longevity study several years ago in which the researchers examined data from a period of decades. They found that the groups likely to live the longest were those who had average weights and were slightly overweight. People who were obese or underweight died sooner than their average to slightly heavy peers, and I don't recall seeing any variation by gender.
165, if you were responding to me, get a degree in physiology first before you start positing what makes people obese. I asked an MD once, and a good deal of the time, truly obese people have some underlying condition that affects their ability to feel full. So while you or I would consider ourselves indulgent and probably be too stuffed to eat the rest of the day if we had an extra piece of pie at a family gathering, some people have a hard time stopping until the whole pie's gone. It's not so much a matter of, "Oh, I can get away with having a serving of double-cheese macaroni; I might not like the number on the scale, but it won't kill me," they feel as if they'll starve if they don't keep eating. Is it physically impossible for them to stop at a healthy point? No, of course not. Is it physiologically more difficult for them than for the non-obese population? Absolutely.
My Dietician says that yes hormones can make you gain weight faster, but it's important to state that if you eat more calories than your body can process, you'll gain weight. I'm 5"11, 90kg (used to be 65kg). Scientifically, it's a fact that of you're gaining weight then you're eating too much (or eating poor foods).
It's always great to be confident about your own body but when it becomes a matter of health, it would still be better to try to eat healthier and exercise better than to just "love yourself." I somewhat agree with the original comment but I don't know the health of OP.
Don't feel too bad: • he's stupid enough to get that tattoo • he is like a jerk. Seriously, don't worry about it. It's a good thing he showed off his idiot warning label. You don't want to date stupid people.
Agreed. The guy's tat IS douchey, but if being overweight makes her so insecure, why not do something about it? I'm always happy to see overweight people in the gym because they're not just sitting around complaining about being fat. They're taking action and it's respectable!
People get offended because society has conditioned people, especially women, that not being skinny is the worst thing in the world. We live in a society that judges people on their size and appearances. I know you've seen those 30 minute commercial advertising workout taped and dieting products that pretty much say that overweight people lack motivation, willpower and self control! Really? As if you can tell what kind of person someone is by looking at them
See, you don't know anything about OP. She could be an olympic caliber triathlete. Have you ever seen the people who do discus? They are incredible athletes who would likely be considered overweight by the limited, misguided chart used to determine such things. That guy is a world-class ass-wipe, and he should be the only one getting flak here.
I just said the cause and effect of what WILL happen. If you don't like what I said about OP hitting the gym then why would you turn around and tell me to? Hypocrites like you don't help get anyone's point across, SpamPam. Also I'm not trying to defend the guy. Yes, he is a jerk. I'm just saying that if OP feels insecure about her weight then she should lose it.
#118, the only TV I watch is Sons Of Anarchy, which is on Netflix. Therefore I have not actually seen the advertisements you're referring to. Besides, those are scams. The real "secret" to losing weight (fat, really) is eating clean and exercising. We are not "conditioned" to want to be skinny. That's some BS feminists came up with. I was skinny and now I'm fit and, for the most part, healthy. And healthy people are generally happy people. OP could greatly benefit from this.
I find it interesting how many are condemning those telling OP to lose weight, saying not to enforce gender standards on women. How many would make that argument if OP was a man? Just saying, as a guy who used to be severely obese, most women expect a guy to be fit, and will openly use his weight as a reason she won't date him. This, nobody bats an eye at. But the instant a guy turns a woman down for the same issue, (not in the clearly douchey way the guy in the post did, but In a polite way) he's labeled an asshole who can't judge a girl on her personality. It's a serious double standard in today's society.