Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
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Top comments
AKiDNamedJoHn 12
You should probably try to get a new roommate haha
Danny0522 8
When will I learn to not eat while reading FMLs?
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Comments (128)
88vivera 9
Good luck!
deemoe 5
At least u no she always have something to eat and won't eat ur snacks haha
knucckles 1
Get a new roomate before your roomate posts on here saying "buried my roomate - fml"
cantWin19 8
Pack up and go!
jmchizuk 2
OP here! My first year of college is drawing to a close. Clearly I didn't choose to live with her, and I didn't have the option of switching rooms. So I gave it my best, and this is what I discovered: On top of the lovely attributes mentioned above, I also learned that her hair also falls out in nasty clumps with pieces of scalp attached because of her poor diet, she only showers a couple times a week, her stomach is constantly making a sound like she's about to vomit, and she also picks at whatever's on her feet in front of people... and eats that, too. And I did get to find out what happens when she forgets her meds. It isn't fun. I could go on and on. The best part? She has zero social skills, and thinks this is all acceptable behavior. I moved back home at winter break and have been commuting since.
ChoolyBooly 32
Now all she needs is a chronic farting problem and calepto tendencies and you officially have the worst possible roommate ever. lol I agree with your name and that becoming a commuter would probably be in your best interests. Good luck OP!
DDDD_Gigi 12
Are you sure you're not sharing a dorm with a troll? Or maybe a Orc?